Well I’ll buck the majority view.
I’ve seen too many friends (male & female) miss out on family life and grieve terribly. All of them romantic types, who were determined not to ‘settle’. I’m only talking about those who wanted kids, not all the happily child-free people.
It’s a strange ‘sliding doors’ situation, isn’t it. But in practical terms I’d rather be on the side with a stable man and kids, with all the modern freedoms of trying to improve the marriage (sex therapy, counselling, etc) and the opportunity of divorce. I think once you have kids, there’s a lot less ‘what if’ thinking in your head. It’s just ‘not about you’ any more, to a great extent.
I see the friends who desperately wanted partner/kids and didn’t have them, suffering more from the ‘what ifs’. And I see lots of happy 2nd ‘life partnerings’ with well-adjusted kids in the mix.
I also see many ‘passionate soulmates’ partnerships around me, that cooled over the years into fairly ‘content with some squabbles’ partnerships. On par with the ones that ‘settled’, if you like.
I’d be tempted to plan a decade ahead, in the OP’s situation. ‘Settle’ and have kids (if he continues to impress). Re-evaluate down the track. You’ll be different, he’ll be different, kids change you for sure. It’s really not a decade you can plan beyond anyway.
And although it’s taboo to mention in our culture, arranged marriages often really blossom. In love and passion. Have done, for millenia. And now you’ve got ‘outs’ if it turns sour.
Depends a lot on your personality. Some people (like me) can make a decision and look only forward from that point. Not be troubled by regrets or ‘what ifs’. Accept and make the very best of the current situation, find joy in it, and make my happiness my own responsibility.
Other personality types put lots more emphasis on ‘never stop dreaming’ and ‘everything is possible’. They feel daily sadness, regret, fear and stress that they’ve made the wrong choices. I suppose ‘settling’ would be too hard for them.
No doubt this is one of life’s truly hard decisions, especially for women. But since marriage isn’t the ‘forever’ decision it used to be, I’d risk an 80% marriage ahead of a xx% chance of missing out on kids.
That’s taking into account OP not wanting to go it alone, and being so sure she wants kids. And the serious drop in fertility after 35 (that’s still not well understood by many young women).