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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I hit my partner! So ashamed

139 replies

AnimeAnnon · 31/08/2019 20:14

Nced for this as it could be outing. And I'm so ashamed and disappointed

All day he was doing things and trying to cause an argument.
Like this morning he was refusing to take his son (aged 2) back to his mum's so I had to whilst he was still in bed and I had to give his son breakfast and get him dressed.

Then this afternoon he was ignoring me. And when he spoke to me he started an argument.

And I was so fed up with him and angry I hit him.

He's gone out now probably to the pub.

I'm so ashamed 😢

OP posts:
DewDropsonKittens · 31/08/2019 20:15

You need to end the relationship. Neither of you sound like a good example for a 2 year old to be around.

HappyHammy · 31/08/2019 20:17

oh dear, it's horrible when something like this happens out of the blue. You might both be frustrated and angry, why wouldn't he take his son back to his mum? that's not your responsibility.
Have you got family or friends you can go to this evening, don't stay in by yourself, it will just go over and over in your head.

EdWinchester · 31/08/2019 20:19

You should be ashamed.

Scott72 · 31/08/2019 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
AnimeAnnon · 31/08/2019 20:25

He said he was tired so wouldn't take his son back. I have been with him since his ex was pregnant with his son (she was at the end of her pregnancy). And we've had him overnight since he was about 6/7months and occasionally i take him back to his mum's but partner usually feeds him and gets him dressed.

OP posts:
magoria · 31/08/2019 20:25

This relationship is shit.

He is crap, stays in bed, ignores his child, starts arguments and sods off down the pub.

You hit him.

End it before it gets any worse.

SecretWitch · 31/08/2019 20:26

Putting hands on another is abusive. You are lucky he is calling the police.

SecretWitch · 31/08/2019 20:27

is not calling the police

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2019 20:29

But objectively its not as bad if a woman hits a man, so I wouldn't worry about it, provided its a one off event.

Don’t worry about it? Really? Biscuit

Op your relationship should be over. Your partner should leave you. You need to seek help for your anger problems.

feathermucker · 31/08/2019 20:29

If this was from a man, I imagine the reactions would be different.

It isn't acceptable behaviour from him in any way, but hitting him?! Way over the top.

You should be ashamed. Was it out of character for you?

Whether there's a future is between you two to decide but there would need to be lots of changes.

c3pu · 31/08/2019 20:31

This relationship sounds toxic without the domestic violence, let alone with it.

For both your sakes end the relationship, and get some help with dealing with anger and how to avoid resorting to violence.

Redglitter · 31/08/2019 20:32

But objectively its not as bad if a woman hits a man, so I wouldn't worry about it, provided its a one off event

Are you kidding??? MN double standards at its absolute finest

Mamaty · 31/08/2019 20:33

You don’t sound like you want the child around either . You are as bad as each other .

TwentyEight12 · 31/08/2019 20:33

So the resentment of taking on responsibility for looking after his child has culminated in you hitting him.

This relationship isn’t for you.

It’s best to leave for all of you.

Techway · 31/08/2019 20:33

How long have you been together? This is such an unhealthy relationship. He is emotionally abusive and you have reacted so are now physically abusive.

Make plans to separate if you live together. If you were posting to find a way forward, then you won't get an answer here.

WhatWhyWhen · 31/08/2019 20:34

Not ok and a sign that this isn’t working and you have anger control issues. You need to separate and seek counselling.

He’s not blameless he’s clearly lazy and was winding you up. But that is NEVER an excuse.

category12 · 31/08/2019 20:34

You need to end the relationship and look into therapy for yourself.

TwentyEight12 · 31/08/2019 20:37

Please also seriously consider counselling for yourself.

billy1966 · 31/08/2019 20:38

He's using you for childcare.

Clearly you do not wish to be his free childcare.

Get out now and have a hard, hard think.

Raising your hand to someone is not on, however borne of frustration.

Get out of this situation.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/08/2019 20:39

If he was my son I would be telling him to call the police and report the assault.

It’s not excusable and there is a child caught up in this relationship. He needs to get out.

Original poster
AnimeAnnon · 31/08/2019 20:40

I know I shouldn't have hit him.

I've been with him for 2.5 years.

I want his son around and I don't mind helping out.

OP posts:
category12 · 31/08/2019 20:42

Was alcohol involved?

Original poster
AnimeAnnon · 31/08/2019 20:48

No i haven't been drinking alcohol.

I've just tried to call him to apologise but I think he rejected the call or has his phone on silent

OP posts:
category12 · 31/08/2019 20:49

Apologies aren't going to do it - you need to go into therapy/anger management. And you should end the relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2019 20:51

This relationship is a disaster. Get out before things get really ugly, because they will.

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