I hit my partner! So ashamed

[AnimeAnnon]

Nced for this as it could be outing. And I'm so ashamed and disappointed

All day he was doing things and trying to cause an argument.
Like this morning he was refusing to take his son (aged 2) back to his mum's so I had to whilst he was still in bed and I had to give his son breakfast and get him dressed.

Then this afternoon he was ignoring me. And when he spoke to me he started an argument.

And I was so fed up with him and angry I hit him.

He's gone out now probably to the pub.

I'm so ashamed 😢

seriously get out of this relationship, you are living with a man who makes you so angry you hit him, he has an unstable relationship with the mother of his "miracle" child who he can't even look after properly, he may well have just gone and got drunk last night, you are just sitting at home worrying about what you did and he is not speaking to you. that is not a healthy relationship, just say to him this obviously isn't working, get out while you can. whatever his health issue is I hope he gets that sorted out.

I'm gobsmacked at the amount of excuses people are coming out with.
If a man had slapped his partner across the face, all this thread would consist of is LTB!
I've been the victim of DV..... and even to the point of being strangled, I have never hit back, do you know why? Coz I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what it feels like to be hit by someone who proclaims to love you.
There is NO excuse for DV!! It's isn't gender specific, and it's isn't less serious if a woman does it to a man.
It's vile, it's hurtful and it's degrading.

OP..... what you did was disgusting! If you have frustrations within your relationship that you can't talk about then you leave! You don't vent your frustrations by hitting out!

OP please do your best to ignore the moral outrage on this thread. Posters are projecting their own issues on to you. You know what you did wasn't right, now is the time to take some steps in real life to get out this relationship and not to put yourself in this situation again.

The only reasonable excuse for hitting someone is if it’s in self defence.

Being annoyed that he’s too lazy to take his son home is not ‘being severely provoked’

You’d have the same attitude if the OP was a man I assume?

Tarqs. Perhaps you’d like to re-read my post and note that I was quoting another poster. I was not excusing OP’s behaviour as you seem to be implying. 🙄

There are some stinking hypocrites on this thread. Women are never to blame for anything are they?

@AnimeAnnon

Next time, just leave him to it. The son is not your responsibility, if contact stops then so be it.

@alexaambidextra I had to grow up watching my mum hit my dad. He left when I was 13 and took my sister and I with him, the police and social services forcibly returned us as in their view it was okay to physically harm a man. Her violence then turned to us, my sister was removed as being a girl she needed protecting, I was left there as being male it meant being beaten was okay.

The people on here saying OPs behaviour is okay are the same type of people who looked on and allowed us to be subjected to violence.

I hope your DP has reported you to the police, OP. Them being a lazy arse is no justification for assault.

The double standards and minimising are, as always, breathtaking.

My brother’s ex started off with verbal abuse, that escalated to slapping and punching, and finished with her throwing an iron at him. If it hadn’t have been plugged into the wall, he could easily have been killed.

The usual narrative here is that abuse gets worse over time. There is every chance this is what the OP will do.

But for some posters on here, this kind of DV does’t count.

I don't blame him if he ends it.

YOU need to end it, this is game over OP. There's no going back once violence starts.

You should have let him deal with his own kid. If his mother stops contact then it's on him. Place child on his bed and go out if you have to.

This is obviously a shit relationship anyway with a fair bit going on that you haven't said. If arguing is at the point of lashing out then you both can't communicate and it doesn't have a future.

SimonJT. That’s so awful. I’m so sorry you went through that. Sadly, it seems that many on this thread take the same prejudiced view as those who should have protected you. 🙄

So, I am allowed to slap my partner, as long as she is bigger than me, and has pissed me off?

Cheers girls,

PS. If anybody is taking this post seriously, I can suggest googling "Sarcasm" and "Irony"

OP you should leave and get anger management counselling,

You should end the relationship - at least temporarily IF he wants a future with you - until after you have had the counselling.

I would give the same advice whatever sexes were involved.

He came back earlier and I spoke to him about it. He said he forgives me.

I don't have anger issues

@AnimeAnnon I don't have anger issues

Yes you do, and your DP is a shit DP. By all means carry on, but failure to acknowledge both of those facts is heading you towards a poor outcome, and potentially drag children into it. You're clearly oblivious to it though, so good luck.

"He says he forgives me"

What about the next time? You are in denial about anger issues, if you didn't have any you wouldn't have hit him in the first place. This relationship isn't healthy for either of you and there is a poor wee boy involved aswell. What if he sees you hitting his dad? Or one day you hit his dad again and he retailiates?

Why do I not believe this is the first time.

You are both indifferent to progress, which is what a forward-moving relationship requires. Progress is mutual respect and using your heads to solve problems. That is not love. That is not understanding, compassion... zilch in the empathy department.

Hitting or aiming to shock another for attention lowers your level so much.

God gave us language for a reason... who do you think you are, to think with your fists? Or hand? Or any other object whatsoever????

So now you come on here for sympathy. Uh. RIIIIIIGHT.

Bologne.

Get away from each other and get anger management classes. He is not your partner. He is trying to figure out how to keep his son in his life, and you just hit him, probably many times before.

Perhaps he has hit you, too.

Either way... Problem: You are still both there.

OUT

There is no sympathy here.

Dont come on here looking for people to see your reasoning for hitting him.

He didn't!

Go.

Get help.

There can't be a next time.

Once you hit another, game over.

OP, you were severely provoked.
Of course you shouldn't have hit him, but he shouldn't have been being a complete shit all day.
Don't take all the blame on yourself.

W.T.AF.

Bold fail

Mxyzptlk OP, you were severely provoked.
Of course you shouldn't have hit him, but he shouldn't have been being a complete shit all day.
Don't take all the blame on yourself.

Are you kidding??! If this was a man who had hit a woman, would you actually say it was partially her fault for provoking him? Unbelievable and disgraceful. Regardless of male or female, whoever has abused his/her partner, is abusive and fully responsible for his/her actions. The OP needs anger management now.

I hope that now you are speaking again you can address the issues in your relationship which are causing you to be exhausted or frustrated or whatever, due to him being unreasonable. And that you don’t fall over yourself in misplaced gratitude to be too nice to him as he has forgiven you.

If he won’t have that discussion or if he won’t listen to you or try and change his unreasonable behaviour, then it’s probably time to leave as he is walking over you if he won’t be reasonable.

Seek counselling if you need help to work out boundaries.

You can’t go on the way you have been Or the same consequences will arise.

We could all do with improvement. I’m not perfect either. It’s not good bring up children in the midst of a rocky relationship with arguing, violence or male dominance. You are their role models.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just make sure you decide something and don’t fall back into familiar patterns. This is day one of the rest of your life. Make the changes to make it better.

I cannot believe you didn't just leave the house and let him sort out HIS son!
Why are you putting up with that treatment.
In the same breath, violence is NEVER OK.

What are his points?
Does he have any?

Everybody who intentionally injures another says they were provoked.

Barking MAD!

Peeps! Just which portion of "INTENTIONALLY" LINES UP WITH "PROVOKED"

So.
Let's draw a wavey, skirtable line BENEATH common sense, because we need to create a ruse so we can say that it's sooooo okay to harm another so long as we get angered enough. Afterall, we could just nail ourselves out and say that the deliberate act of harming another out of personal anger is just fine.
It would have to be fine because you called him and apologized, and he forgave you!

Oh, Goodie!

The angry person, Ms. Intention, harmed the other person but really it's okay, because SHE (the partner) was controlled by the third person whose name is Ms. Provoked.

Reasons are not to be confused with excuses.

We already know .....why.....
Evidentially, class must hardly exist if it's to play only a shallow role in one's comporture.
If not, you'd have to learn to comport yourself, and whatever will you do then!?!?

He said he forgives me.

That's nice.
What are you both going to do to address the problems in your relationship?

At the very least, if he starts up with crappy behaviour you need to remove yourself from the situation.
Leave the house, if necessary.

If his child is involved, as this time, remember that the child is his responsibility not yours.
He can ask you for help, or you can volunteer. He doesn't get to just dump on you, as he did.