Should I contact OW again?

[PrimroseDot]

Husband had a short affair at the start of the year with a colleague. I found out in April, we are trying to work through it but I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I’m still up and down all the time. DH has blocked her and not had any contact with her since the day I found out, she hasn’t tried to contact him apart from on one occasion after I sent her a text- her number was blocked so he didn’t speak to her but got a notification that she had called. I messaged her in the beginning telling her exactly what I thought of her, she has never responded. I get an overwhelming desire to text her again to tell her what a disgusting person I think she is. Childish- yes, I should direct my anger at him-yes, won’t make me feel better- probably not. but I feel like I want to humiliate her like she did me. I hate that she just gets on with her life, it’s nothing to her. Yet mine is in bits. Had anyone ever contacted the ow? Did you feel better for it?

you need to get over it and yourself.

Your humiliating yourself by acting like a buffoon.

It's not misogynistic to point out that a married woman who falls into bed with a man on the day she meets him is probably not a one time cheater

It is utterly pointless, though. Why does it matter to the OP how many affairs the OW has had?

OP’s husband “fell into bed” with the OW after knowing her a few hours so, by your reckoning, it’s probably not the first time he’s cheated. That’s what the OP needs to concern herself with, starting with an STD test.

OP, I don’t know if you know his colleague’s etc but, if this happened at a work do, they’ll all know about it.

Write her a long ranting letter telling her how disgusting she is, call her every name under the sun!
Then burn it.

It will make you feel better without ever having to send anything.

It is utterly pointless, though. Why does it matter to the OP how many affairs the OW has had?

Read in context. OP asked if she should tell OW's husband. That's what I was responding to, in addition to comments to the contrary.

I couldn’t forgive someone who had a ons then continued so casually. To be that’s worse than a full blown affair where feeling become involved. The casual way he has disregarded you and your marriage is disgusting.

I have been the OW. Whatever anyone says about morals and being this or that, anyone can cheat on their partner and anyone can get involved in a relationship with a married person. It doesn’t define you - you are still a person with feelings. You may be a slut, a bitch, a this or a that. But you may not be. I was contacted by mm’s wife and we agreed to meet. She asked me many questions and I answered as fully as I could but I quickly established that she still loved her husband and wanted him to stay so when she asked if I thought he loved me I said no. That seemed to be what she needed to hear. I still don’t know the answer to this day but I felt like my life was ending. Someone that I had feelings for cut contact, after supporting me through a very difficult time (messy divorce after abusive relationship). There are no rules about what is right to do in the circumstances. Whether you contact her or not is a choice you can make. It might help. It might make you feel worse. She might be a nice person. She might not be. She might be going through a tough time. She might not have given it a thought. Every person and every situation is different. I remember writing on MN about my situation 3 years ago and being told that I was the lowest of the low. I wasn’t ready for the brutality of some of those comments. I fell for someone and after years (16) of being frozen out, my life changed. I never thought i’d be the OW. But that is exactly where I wound up. I hope that you can find the right answers to your questions OP. Everyone can relate to feeling hurt, lost, angry... going round in circles, feeling crazy - whether you are the ‘cheater’, the wife, the OW... the feelings are horrible and anything that helps you through has to be worth a try.

Richard and Judy started as an affair. I was reading about them the other day. It took her a year to leave her husband for Richard apparently....