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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To think husband should forgive me for his girlfriend breaking up with him

172 replies

consfusedandlookingforwine · 27/08/2019 12:23

Two months ago I found out my husband had a girlfriend at work. He said that it was nothing serious, just a few dates and stolen kisses in the store room. He would have told me about it when they slept together. I was hurt and confided in my best friend. She did what any friend would do and confronted both of them. His girlfriend didn't like this and felt she was being attacked so broke up with him. Since then my husband has been like a broken hearted teenager. Mopping about I've seen him crying when he thinks I'm asleep. This girl was leaving for uni at the start of September anyway so they would have had to break it off sooner or later but I feel like he blames me. I didn't know my friend would do what she did but I'm being punished for it. We have become more like roommates then husband and wife and not even a family holiday could pull him out of it. He's short tempered with me and it seems nothing I do is good enough. AIBU to expect that after two months I should be forgiven.

OP posts:
HopeMumsnet · 27/08/2019 12:35

Hi all.
Thanks to those who reported their concerns. We are inclined to let this one run for the moment as the OP has a decent history with us. We would ask you (for the millionth time) not to trollhunt across the boards.

DM1209 · 27/08/2019 12:36

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SucksToBeYouHun · 27/08/2019 12:36

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WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 27/08/2019 12:37

Get fucking rid 👋🏼

shithappens123 · 27/08/2019 12:37

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Cherrysoup · 27/08/2019 12:37

You think you should be forgiven?! Wtaf?! You have nothing to be forgiven for! He should be crawling on his fucking hands and knees BEGGING you for forgiveness.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 27/08/2019 12:38

.

consfusedandlookingforwine · 27/08/2019 12:39

I will say that there was a lot of screaming and shouting when I found out. We have children and when they go back to school will look at couples therapy. I just got frozen out again this morning and it's left me feeling horrible. He begged me to forgive him and I'm trying. Guess I didn't make that part clear.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 27/08/2019 12:39

Why are you still with him??

You’re asking all the wrong things!

ThanosSavedMe · 27/08/2019 12:40

Surely this is not for real. If it is, he has done a real number on you op. You’re not the one who needs to be apologising.

BarbedBloom · 27/08/2019 12:40

Look, he clearly has strong feelings for this woman, stronger than he has for you since he is withdrawing from you. You really deserve better than this, honestly

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 27/08/2019 12:41

From the way you wrote the first post I assumed you had an open marriage. After reading your second I'm just really confused.

He cheated and you're the one being punished? Wtaf.

RainbowJumpers · 27/08/2019 12:41

You are really focusing on the wrong thing here....

Hmm
JaneJeffer · 27/08/2019 12:41

At least he's doing some mopping so all is not lost.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 27/08/2019 12:42

I'm so confused about all this. It almost sound like your talking about a teenager not your husband?!?!?!
He was going to tell you when they slept together????? I don't understand this at all

Cheeserton · 27/08/2019 12:42

He's not really interested in your forgiveness though, is he? He's mad at you for daring to find out he was having his cake and eating it. He's a selfish prick who obviously won't change. Have some self respect and get away from him now.

ThanosSavedMe · 27/08/2019 12:42

Even with your update, there is nothing for you to be sorry about.

You are showing your children that it is ok for a husband to treat his wife like this. Never mind couples counselling, you need some for yourself to show you that this isn’t normal, is nothing like normal.

cheesydoesit · 27/08/2019 12:42

He begged you for forgiveness but he is still giving you shit about it?

CruellaFeinberg · 27/08/2019 12:43

Erm... you're worth more than this

Get yourself some self respect

Zoflorabore · 27/08/2019 12:43

Oh good god op - when did your self respect leave the room?

One word jumps out at me for the wrong reasons- forgiveness. YOU want HIM to forgive YOU? Please think about the irony of that. He has been bloody cheating on you and very likely emotionally attatched to this "girl" who is leaving for uni so 18yrs old presumably?

He should be out on his arse. She will certainly not be the last I can promise you that and I'm no mystic meg.

How old are you both? He's an absolute disgrace and you need to think about why you're willing to settle for second best.

BarbedBloom · 27/08/2019 12:43

Ps. He is clearly lying that it was nothing serious and I do think you are being naive if you don't think they had sex

Bravelurker · 27/08/2019 12:44

@Lipz, beat me to it!
Wtf have I just read, I really hope that this is a joke, please tell me it's a joke.

augustagain · 27/08/2019 12:45

There is no mention in your OP of how YOU are feeling about your DH having had a GF in the first place? Would you really have been okay with that?

You say you were "hurt" and I am not surprised! However, it doesn't sound like you've had much of a confrontation with your DH about the issue. It seems your friend has done this for you. I wonder why? Are you afraid of confrontation or do you feel you have no right to feel hurt by your DH's actions?

I feel you see yourself as a bit of a doormat? Am I right? If so, you need to build up your self-esteem - perhaps by doing the Freedom Programme.

In the meantime, I wouldn't worry for another minute about whether your DH will forgive you for his shabby little affair being exposed. He is the one who should be on trial here, not you.

Doyouavocado · 27/08/2019 12:45

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Gazelda · 27/08/2019 12:45

why Do you want to forgive your husband who is acting heartbroken over his broken romance with another woman?

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