Break up support thread 2

[Jonsnowsghost]

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

Yeah I say the same thing on here sooooo often but that’s coz it’s still true lol

Yeah I think everyone is probably bored of me in real life! Headfuck is exactly how to describe it, I literally can't get my head around it and I dont ever stop thinking about him and her, what they did and what they are doing now. It's all so unfair. If he hadn't gone to the gig I know 100% we would still be together and be as fine as we were as everything he said I think were excuses to stop him feeling guilty and to push me away. All of them were easy fixes but he just didnt want to work on it, preferred the easier option.

It is a head fuck it really is! I wonder what would have happened if his friends had told him to stick it out a bit longer, or if he’d spoken to me about how he was feeling before he ended it. Would we have managed to fix it? Or would it just have delayed the inevitable? Probably the latter but I’ll always wonder

Well my ex miraculously money all weekend to go out every weekend now!

With me it was only a take away! And paying fuel to come see me!

And members of our social group are now in turn backing away as I accused them of sleeping with him!

Mate was like slap 👋 - do I need to go to this social group as it upsetting me constantly.

Headfucked here too. Can't quite get over it.

@Jonsnowsghost @herbsmokedchicken oh my goodness we all all full of what if’s.... what if I had done things different...

I am so full of regret. I will never make those mistakes again but I doubt I’ll get a second chance to put things right. Oh what I would give for a second chance... I don’t ask for much in life, but when I do it’s for something that money can’t buy...

How do we know if NC is working? I guess we never will...

I wish he could spend just one hour in my shoes... I really do...

It’s frustrating isn’t it, it’s a bit pointless to wonder “what if” but so hard not to! There are things I will do differently next time but ultimately I don’t think I really did anything wrong as such so no point wondering but can’t help it!

Tried to plan myself a little mini break away next year but just made me sad remembering us planning our one and ultimately only holiday flights won’t be available for ages yet so no rush, was just going to book the hotel. But I just...don’t want to. I always wanted to go on holiday with a boyfriend and it was just as lovely as I hoped it would be oh I’m really down in the dumps this evening!!

I feel exactly the same. I would love a second chance. I asked him to try and he said it wouldn't work, that it would be awkward and forced but how can he know that?? He said because he had "tried again" after breaking up with someone previously but that didnt work out. I said that she wasn't me so how can he know. Obviously because he wanted to be with this other woman (who btw knew about me...) so couldn't give us a chance.
I think about all the regrets I have now. We went to Norway in Jan and saw the northern lights, but we both stood there photographing them, why didnt I hug him then?! Why is this thought entering my brain now??? I hate it, I'm so confused all the time and constantly have these stupid thoughts.
I dont think NC makes them want you back at all, but I did read a stupid website somewhere that says it does. Plus not posting on social media etc. I don't really believe it as I think it'll just make him forget me easier but I've given it a go.
I have to get used to the fact that I will never see him again :(

@strawberrycupcakes212 I dont know if NC is working either. I suspect it isn't in my case. I think the idea is that given enough space they come to miss you. I just feel like mine has moved on and is probably glad not to hear from me he did chose to head off into the sunset with another woman after all.

I miss mine so much too. I had some personal tragedies in the past few months and he was so good to me. It makes me even more heartbroken that he chose to walk away, I trusted him so much I often think did I do or say something wrong, but I'm sure I didnt, he just decided he preferred her to me.

I read earlier that after 3 months of NC you should feel much better. Not sure if anyone has found that?

@Jonsnowsghost I'm sure you photographing northern lights and not hugging wont have made a difference, though I know how hard it is not to try to find 'mistakes'. It sounds like a great holiday, I'm sure it was positive.

I can see the logic in NC, as when I've dated people who are too keen and available it has made me less interested and 'lowers their appeal'. However I think it can be a lose-lose situation, as if someone decides they def dont want a relationship then NC just widens the gap, but pursuing them wouldn't work either. In some ways I think the only way would be to calmly be 'friends' and loiter in the background in case they realise the new love has become rubbish or a mistake. But who wants to loiter in the background and be second best

I'm starting dating, I have to get out the house and make an effort, I'm just becoming more miserable and lonely.

@PuffinSock it was a lovely holiday :)
I also think that he is probably glad not to hear from me as he did the same going off into the sunset with another woman! Probably pleased I'm not around being sad. Although remember he did still watch all of my instagram stories I posted over the last few months 🙄🙄 nosey. I'm definitely in a lose lose situation.

Decided to join tinder as a distraction and matched with a nice man... we’ve been texting off of the app and he tells me he’s hidden his profile... only to find out he’s matched with one one my friends tonight and been chatting to her.

This makes me even sadder as my ex wasn’t a cheat.. I’ll never find another him. Took me all these years to find him, and I lost him. Repeating myself again. I know.

@Jonsnowsghost I’ve deleted my fb but still have messenger in the hope that he might miss me there too.... but some dating experts say you need to post your best life right now? I did try that... but faking it was hard when I’m feeling like this...

I’ll tell you all a secret that will make me sound like a right loser.... I used to lie in my my bed and take pics from random places and post them on my fb story so it looked like I was living a good life... just pics of food or local beaches... sad I know... I hid the audience so only he could see them...

I’ve lost it...

I also look and see if he’s added any new friends recently as this in the past, has told me who my ex was with. I’ll log into my account at midnight or thereabouts periodically and check, then deactivate it again. Oh how I wish I could break this pattern... it’s not doing my mental health any good. There are so many avenues now to keep that last link...

Yeah i think it’s hard in this day and age, like 15 or so years ago you could break up with someone and easily just never hear from them again!

I’ve also kept track of his friends count but yes it’s not healthy

Know what you mean about not finding someone like him, I’ve been single my whole life basically aside from a couple of two week things when I was a young teen, what if I’m alone again forever?

Hmm I haven't read about posting your best life but I am going to post when I go on holiday at the weekend, it's the post that will break my hiatus! I think the not posting comes from them then having to wonder what you are up to and if you are with anyone, it makes them curious as to whether you are with anyone new.
But i dont think it has worked in my case :( who knows. It's driving me crazy and not doing my mental health any good. This is why I've only been checking the messenger one, everything else is too obvious. Unfollowing and muting him on various apps has helped too, I dont have to see his posts but he will see I haven't blocked him

I’ve just been posting memes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s muted me - a lot of people have. I share way too many memes. I have to cut down...but they’re all just so relatable! Altho don’t post anything specifically about break ups or anything like that. But I really should cut down.

@herbsmokedchicken apparently it’s wrong to post too many memes relating to your breakup... try and cut down. Yeh, we are supposed to show us living good and full lives... what a joke! I’ve had a good day I’ve I’ve cleaned my bastarding teeth!!!!!! Excuse the language! Hope I don’t get banned!

They’re not relating to the break up, just general memes. I love memes. But I have to cut down cos I know I post too much in general.

Dunno why you’re apologising for saying bastarding, one of us dropped a c bomb the other day

Ah ok! I gotcha! I thought you was showing him you’re down... that’s good you’re not.

Love the c bomb now n then! That’s a good word for women who go away with someone else’s man!!!! 🥴🤣

Haha well ex and I not on facebook...just whatsapp, however I dont stalk it as we both have it set so theres no last seen etc.

I asked bored my friend asking whether she thinks he misses me etc. She just told me I'm trying myself in knots. That I need to leave him behind and move on as hes not going to commit to me ever.

When I asked her if I'd hear from him again she said 'yes, when his new relationship goes hits the skids he will contact you as he wants you waiting'. Great, I suspect she is probably right as well, how crap.

Never felt so shit in my life! I've told him the date of my first scan and time, so he knows all the info. He was kind to me earlier but I ignored him because his snapchat score is still going up and up and up which means a new girl from Tinder is deffo on the scene.

How can he flirt when I'm in the worst place right now. So hard to ignore him but he can't have his cake and eat it too.

Oh tinsel what a knob. You have to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself right now. Is your scan soon? Does anyone else know what’s happening?

Oh well. Another day. Tomorrow is day 11. The longest point I got to last time I went NC. I’ve no intentions of breaking it this time tho... but that just means that my hope is gone... diminishing by the day. I bet he doesn’t even think about it. I waken up and my heart is beating out of my chest. My anxiety is mad.

Tomorrow is another day. I wish life wasn’t this hard for us all.... the specially @TinselAndKnickers ❤️

Friday morning. Tactic now is NC. I need to put myself first and stop trying to be a good person.

I'd do a lot to just undo all this. Have him come back saying nothings happened and he made a mistake. But he won't. And I deserve better anyway