Break up support thread 2

[Jonsnowsghost]

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

Thank you, herb. It’s awful, because reading it through I know I sound completely deluded to think maybe it isn’t, but it’s hard to get across the nuance of people’s behaviour in a few posts, isn’t it?

I know deep down I just need to work on accepting that it’s over and if that changes in the future then so be it, but I genuinely just can’t imagine not being with him any longer. I can’t imagine living alone (I never have), having to split time with our baby, being a single mum, seeing him with other women, having other women in my baby’s life!

I know none of that needs to be thought about yet and I need to take it slow, but I just can’t wrap my head around it all, I literally can’t picture any of it. It’s all very surreal. Pathetic, I know 🙄

No I get it - we were only together 9 months, no kids, I’m sure some people would be fine by now but it’s 8 weeks today and I’m still struggling to truly accept that it’s over.

And I try and imagine moving on and all I can picture is someone just like him.

Don’t be silly, there’s no set time frame for getting over someone, it doesn’t matter if others would be! I’m genuinely considering being single for life now if that helps 😆

I’ve read some previous posts but not sure if I missed it, do you mind me asking how and why he ended it?

Yeah, basically the last week we were together, he was away on business so was just over text and I could tell something was up, I was then away for the weekend so didn’t see him till the Sunday when he picked me up from the airport. On the drive to my house I could tell something was wrong and then when we parked up he basically said that he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me any more and wanted to end it. It’s been really hard to accept as he fully admitted he still really liked me as a person, we still get on (I hadn’t noticed from our irl interactions that anything was wrong except I’d been going home earlier after our weekends together) and he still fancied me, he just wasn’t in love with me anymore.
It’s been horrible because part of me thinks that what happened is the initial infatuation wore off and then there just wasn’t any real love to replace it with and it was never gonna last, but then another part of me thinks that he has mistaken the initial spark wearing off for love not being there and it still could have worked. Logically think it’s prob the first one but it’s been a head fuck. When we got together everyone said how suited we were, his friends and brother said how he was clearly happier and confident, it all seemed so meant to be so it’s really hard to understand why and how he fell out of love with me.

And I can’t even really get angry at him cos he did the right thing if he wanted to end it, and he did try to make it work before ending it and he’s a good person. So I have moments of being angry but it doesn’t last. I more get angry at myself wondering if I did something wrong that subconsciously made him fall out of love with me, even tho I know that’s unfair on me as I’m also a good person even if I’m not perfect. It’s been hard. It’s getting better but it’s fucking hard, especially as I’m going through this for the first time at 32, had no practice!

Yep, 3 months for me and I can't see me getting over it any time soon. I miss him far too much, even though he has not treated me well! It's miserable.

You can see why so many songs are about heartbreak...knowing how common an experience it is doesn’t make it any easier tho.

This time 8 weeks ago I was waiting for my flight home, desperate to see A so I could be reassured that I was just being paranoid and there was nothing wrong, and instead turned out I was bang on fuck I miss him.

This time 8 weeks ago my plane was landing...

Last week I knew what day it was but didn’t do the whole “this time 7 weeks ago...” but I guess since today is 8 weeks, even number, it feels more poignant. As I’ve said before I do always count weeks so I guess when I lose track it’ll be a good sign.

Aaaaand I think about now I was getting dumped. Ugh. I miss him so much. I want him back...well what I want is for this to have not fucking happened. UGH. But I would say I am feeling better compared to even a few weeks ago. I think I’ll be ok. But right now I’m still not quite there.

Hope everyone is having an ok Sunday!

Think I posted on the first thread. Been 6 weeks today for me now after 4 years and a two year old together. I somehow feel worse now than I did 3 weeks ago which is mad or maybe it just hadn’t hit me yet. He’s done absolutely nothing to try get me back which has absolutely killed me. I thought for so long it was me and him against the world and then I realised the person who I fell in love with was pretty much a lie. My heads absolutely battered and I have to get up every day with a toddler who also misses him (he works a lot so hasn’t seen him much) I am literally consumed at the moment with thinking about him. Even when I am keeping myself busy he’s still there in the back of my head 😔

Yeah I found I went back a bit a few weeks in and I do think it’s because it hit me a bit, it’s like every now and again it’ll sink in a little bit more and I have to get upset all over again. And know what you mean about being in the back of your mind, it’s literally only the last few days I’ve started having periods of time where he’s not in my mind at all, most of the time he is.

Just horrible isn’t it? But good if you are keeping busy

Not online much today. Entertaining new lady? Unlikely. But of course that thought sticks in my head.

@Herbsmokedchicken I have been married and honestly this 15 month on/off relationship ending hit me much harder than my marriage ending. I think the shorter relationships ending are sometimes harder as it still feels like you were in the honeymoon phase and that you never got to the 'bored of each other' phase (I dont literally mean that, but longer term can lose the initial lust ime).

I just feel broken atm. I went NC a few weeks ago, never argued with him just told him I was sad he was leaving to have a relationship with someone else. We've had a few messages, initiated by him, saying he missed me etc and I replied. But now...nothing. i feel like hes forgotten me completely and i really want to understand why he left. I feel like I'll never have answers. This is so so hard

Yes a few people have said that to me, we also got very intense very fast, whereas I know some people at 9 months still would only consider themselves casually into a new relationship so that makes it hard to, like one minute we were basically engaged (not officially but we had said we would get married) and the next he’s not in love with me?? Hard to wrap my head around.

Yes the not having answers is so hard, technically I have an answer but it’s a shit answer and I will always wonder if there was more, even subconsciously. We are going to be ok tho, I’m sure of it! Eventually...

@TinselAndKnickers I really hope you get good news ❤

@butterandbread I feel your pain. DS is 16 months and trying to hold it in is horrendous. A few days in (or a week, can't remember now) I just couldn't stop myself from crying for about 2 hours while DS pottered around. They're amazingly resilient yet so fragile at the same time. Do what you need to do; your little one will grow up to be emotionally mature if you express your emotions in front of them ❤

Completely off topic of heartbreak and missing the ex tests but I'm looking to the future by delving into my past a little bit...there are two guys who I've dabbled with before that I would potentially date. One is my crush from school (I'm 29...we're talking 13 years ago 😬) and one is a guy I worked with around the same time I met twat. He was into me, I wasn't so into him. That was about 7 years ago.

So Mr crush is currently living halfway across the country according to his Facebook profile and potentially has a gf but they don't post anything on fb at all so It's really hard to tell if they are actually together.

The other guy is single and has been liking a few of the statuses I've been sharing about sorting my shit out. I think that's his way of hinting he's still interested. The thing that put me off him was he's a big guy. He's super tall but he's also rotund big but he has lost a butt tonne of weight and has a really cute face and an absolutely gorgeous personality.

Mr Crush is just my type all over and I still have a thing for him since school. I had the option to get with him instead of my ex before twat and foolishly I didn't take it. The last time we saw each other was 7 years ago and we snogged each other's faces off in a club before I went home with the other guy cuz if I'd gone home with Mr Crush we would have done the deed and I wasn't ready for that!!

Kinda gonna keep my cards close to my chest for now and maybe message them both at new years under the guise of 'reconnecting' with old friends as part of my new years resolution.

I think I'd prefer to get with Mr Crush just because I've held a flame for him for so long but if that's a no go I know that I'd be treated like an absolute princess by my big bearded cutie and given that I think about him a lot I don't think it's too far fetched to say it would probably work out really well...

Or I could throw myself into OLD next year and try to find something completely new! Either way I'm gonna spend the rest of 2019 focussing on myself and DS and see where 2020 takes us!

Hope you all have good days tomorrow! There's been a lot of sad posts on the thread recently. Sending lots of love to those who feel low ❤❤

Ooh that’s exciting! I’m on the apps but right now I’m just like meh, they’re not him. But I’m staying on them cos I think it’ll help me come to terms with the fact that I am a single lady now. Like I have been for basically all of my life but I was ok before, I’ll be ok again but I hope I’m not single too long. Even a casual thing would be nice, but I don’t think I’m really ready for anything yet.

Bearded cutie sounds my type - A is super tall, and doesn’t look big with clothes on but he is bigger than he looks but I liked it, cuddly. Never thought I was fussed about height before and it’s still not a deal breaker but I do think I’d prefer a tall guy again next time.

Oh yeah and A has a beard, again never thought I’d like a guy with a beard but I bloody loved it. It’s not one of those big bushy beards tho, I’m still not sure how I’d feel about that

Hey :)

I've been so busy with one thing and another, I see I have a lot of reading to do.

I'll have a read and post later.

Sighs...found myself checking WhatsApp again :( really miss my morning messages and chat, he's now doing that with her :(
He was on facebook for ages last night which is unusual but clearly means nothing!
Why do I miss him so much :(

I feel you jonsnow I miss my good morning texts and our chat throughout the day. It’s horrible. I just want him back

It's so sad :(. Imagine if he read all this thread, I'd feel so silly!