Break up support thread 2

[Jonsnowsghost]

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

I'm hoping they have bad times too and he will think of me then! I think the biggest fear is being forgotten but i read somewhere that the only way someone would completely forget you is if they have amnesia so I keep telling myself that! And also that NC/not posting on any social media (effectively disappearing) can make them miss you more, although not in all cases I'm hoping that it might happen.
I know he will never contact me again, which honestly breaks me, but one day I might feel strong enough to talk to him again as friends, I don't know.

@Strawberrycupcakes212 I'm bad for checking facebook/messenger too, it's the only thing i allow myself to look at. He's very routine with his facebook activity but i have noticed a bit of an increase of being on there recently. I'm not taking anything from that at all but it does make you think.

It's all just so shit, I still miss him so much. Honestly if he text me tomorrow saying he made a mistake i would be straight round to him 😅 I know it's been 3 months and i shouldn't be feeling like this but you can't help how you feel can you :(

I posted on here a few days ago. Quick recap. My DH of five years didn’t come home from work one night. Didn’t return for his things and was gone for two weeks. He came back a week ago today. Told me everything was okay, promised he wasn’t leaving again. He lived and missed me. It was hard being apart. We were sorting things out. Had sex. Spent the night cuddling, and the same on Saturday morning in bed. He then left for work and never came back. Again.
Since then he has been cruel, brutal and spiteful. It was our Wedding Anniversary Wednesday and he failed to acknowledge it. He fails to recognise or even talk about last weekend. Said we had been split up a month. Well, a month ago we were out having dinner together. Last weekend we were together.
He won’t a knowledge anything I say. Only messages when he needs or wants something. Speaking to me like I am no-one.
During this week though, he has failed to sort out any finances I have asked him to. Hasn’t removed himself from the council tax. Hasn’t removed me from our joint account, despite me signing and delivering the form to him. Hasn’t made arrangements to cancel the Sky or virgin WiFi he hasn’t paid. Made arrangements for his Mum’s dog. Literally nothing.
DH does drink a lot, drinks everyday. He has got a problem but is in denial.
I am really struggling to let go. And emotionally I am a mess. Every time I try to pack some of his things it breaks my heart and I end up in a ball on the floor sobbing. My house doesn’t feel like home. I struggle to sleep in our bed feeling that he used me last weekend. He has made me feel like I imagined what happened despite having the messages, pictures and videos. It kills me the way he speaks to me like I am a stranger. He walked out again, and can’t even have a civil conversation. Simply says he doesn’t want to talk about it!
Why can’t I let go of someone who has hurt me and is treating me so awfully? I can’t get angry, I feel broken. Empty. Lost.

@Hammers1987 I'm so sorry you've been through that, how horrible of him to use you in that way men can be such twats!

You can remove him from the council tax - I removed twat from mine. The rest of the stuff I think he has to do if it's in his name sadly. Don't engage in any conversation that involves emotions. State what you need ane ignore anything else. As soon as everything is sorted go NC - it helps so much! I don't even talk to twat about DS at the moment. My mum is acting as a messenger for the pair of us. This won't last forever. Just until he's mature enough to not get aggressive about every little thing and I'm well and truly over him. I think I'll get there before he does tbh.

Most importantly take care of yourself! Redecorate, treat yourself to wine or chocolate or whatever makes you feel better and cry whenever you need to. I had a blip the other night and cried for no reason but felt so much better afterwards. You are worth more than how he treated you ❤

Thank you @TeddyBeans
I have removed him from the Council Tax. I also contacted the Child Maintenance Service. He hasn’t paid any bills, left me with no money and never paid his half of our rent last month.
I am struggling so much emotionally. I have been signed off work and prescribed antidepressants.
I am struggling to let go. I don’t want to. I am also struggling as to why he came back a week ago today and said all he did. To leave again. He made me feel like I was going insane, like it didn’t happen. How can you go from taking selfies in bed with your wife, having sex, leaving saying “I love you. See you in the morning” before going to work. To never coming back. To being so brutal! He never even spoke to DC’s either. They all saw and spoke to the Dad. Heard him say he wasn’t leaving again. He ignored them for days, then messaged asking if they wanted to go to football like nothing had happened! Not spoken to them face to face and wonders why they are angry and don’t want to see him!
How do I move past this and let go when this wasn’t what I wanted. Why do i feel this way when he has treated me so awfully. Five years, and I get a text!

@Hammers1987 gosh that's harsh 💐 I didn't want to let go of my twat either but after the first couple of days it becomes easier. Just hold onto how he's treated you in the last month rather than the 5 years you spent together.

Twat has shown his true colours in the last month and it has made it so easy to forget the 6 years we were together. He's busy making out I'm the bad guy stopping him from seeing his son but only makes the effort to see him once on the week that I haven't arranged contact. (DS is diddy so he has him for a few hours every other Saturday). It's funny how your ex and mine both left without saying goodbye to their children...seems to be a man thing 😒

@Hammers1987 on and he did the same thing as well. He was texting me 'I love you to fucking bits' the night before and then 'I haven't loved you for a long time' the following day. Some men are just seriously shit I'm afraid

To be honest I think they say things like "I was unhappy" or "I haven't loved you for a while" as it's a script they can follow to make themselves feel better about their decision, most of the time I don't think it's as true as they think...

@TeddyBeans I am so sorry for you and your DS. It can’t be easy.
Our DC are all teenagers. They understand more than he realises.
They do both sound so familiar. I personally don’t understand where he is coming from and if he hadn’t come back this time last week it would be so much easier. He has the mentality that relationships break up all the time. Doing what he did last weekend, not coming home and being out drinking with his mates having a laugh that Sunday is not rational behaviour in my opinion.
I am trying hard to let go. I just can’t. I want to get angry but I am just too emotional. I don’t like leaving the house Incase I see him, and have lost my whole support network due to being mutual friends. I feel utterly alone. Heartbroken. Abandoned.

Oh lot of activity! Gonna read through it all in a sec but just woken up since I’m day off and at 7 he video called me. Don’t think he was actually trying to call, think he pressed the button by mistake cos I’ve done that loads but think it means he was in our chat so gonna be reading into that all day. Not sure if I should text or not.

puffin I would like to date but when I go through my online dating they are just...not him so I’m like, meh.

hanmers that sounds terrible! You poor thing

So I messaged him about the video call, knew I shouldn’t but I did. He said it was an accident as his phone was playing up as he split water on it. Not sure if I believe that or if he was just looking at our chat and doesn’t want to admit it but I’m going to try to just forget about it. Wonder if he realises it would be 11 months today? Sigh. So technically our NC streak starts again today, but it’s still six weeks since we had an actual conversation.

@Hammers1987 god we could be talking about the same guy. My twat was always asking if I'd be okay if we broke up. I never wanted to break up so I didn't even think about it but it was always in his head.

They're manchildren. They want to enjoy the single life and we're just collateral damage. Don't take their emotional immaturity personally ❤

You've been put back to stage 1 of the break up because of how he treated you last week. You know better now, don't let it happen again and you're good. You'll be on the right track before you know it ❤

Thank you @TeddyBeans
I do feel so hurt, used and violated. The man I trusted and loved came home. Used me for sex. Lied to me. And then left like I was some cheap tart he picked up in town!
I wish I could get angry I really do. I can’t even face packing up the rest of his things. It would mean it was final. I know I sound like I am in denial. Where he has left before and always come back I think a big part of me is thinking he will do the same again now. Then I argue with myself that that is not okay. I need to let go and get out of this cycle, I just don’t know how!

@TeddyBeans.....you are in a tough situation - a life together torn apart....could he be going on benders?? not that that's an excuse.

Herb, he’s thinking of you!!!!!! That’s for sure! Do. Not. Text!!!!! x

@Hammers1987 get his shit packed. Cry if you need to, get angry if you need to, everything is about you right now! Once his stuff is out you can really start the healing process but allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to at the time. Doesn't matter what it is. Embrace it and you'll feel so much better afterwards!

@KOKOtiltomorrow he spent all day every day on the ps4 until he went to work. He never had a set end time (zero hour contract) so could have done something between finishing work and coming home but I didn't suspect anything. We've been separated a month now. What he does is none of my business and I feel it's quite a healthy way to be. He's not in my life anymore so what he does has no impact on my life. If it starts to impact on DS then I will of course take issue with it but I'm mature enough to keep my emotions for me and my emotions for DS separate 😊

strawberry I won’t text again and have archived the chat, should have just ignored it in the first place really.

@TeddyBeans - Sounds exactly like my Husband. Would sit in bed expecting me to take him tea and breakfast every morning. Would sit on the PS4 all day, whilst I ran around doing everything else. Was either working or drinking. Unpredictable moods. Hot and cold.

@Hammers1987 It's amazing what we put up with for 'love' isn't it? You're better off sweet, you'll just take a little while to see it ❤

Is there a reason my Husband doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to make things final?
He still refuses to remove me from our joint account, saying it will be handy to pay bills. Not that he has paid any the last three weeks.
He refuses to let me know when his Mum’s dog will be collected, and I know she goes on holiday next week.
He has made no attempt to cancel or transfer the WiFi and sky package. So I am still unable to obtain my own.
He still refuses to return my contract mobile phone, and door key.
If he walked out, then why is he not willing to make it final?
He won’t talk to me about what’s happened. Why he did what he did. But he won’t talk to me to sort anything else out either.
I have said I need to sort this to try and start moving on. Why won’t he do this for me? Why is he making excuses and delaying?

Need some advise - so everyone saying block but I taken a break so don't see stuff and I don't show up in his Facebook feed!
But keep looking at it feels like I get jibs that are around farm and how farm his world!
But goes out in city all time drinking!
Just completely opposite and hypocritical!

I changed profile to a outdoor event , he puts Facebook profile of a tractor!

Taxi driver so can't afford to take off Saturdays - yet all group events on Saturdays, he managing to take off Saturdays now, everyone saying go out on Saturdays?

It like completely frustrating I can't seem to get move on due to seeing him so much!

You can unfollow him so his posts don't show up, so you aren't quite blocking him but you also don't have to see what he posts :)

Yes good shout jonsnow!

Been feeling ok today despite the missed call thing but can feel it building up - this is usually how it goes, feel ok and then suddenly I’m like “wait, he broke up with me” and then I’m a wreck for a bit. Trying to hold it off for an hour until mum goes out so I can lose it in peace!

How are you feeling today after the counselling jonsnow?

And sorry everyone I know I’m not being much of a one for advice atm more just venting about my own feelings but hopefully I’ll be a bit more helpful soon!

@Hammers1987 he wants to have his cake and eat it. Get onto online banking if you have it and cancel all the direct debits coming out of it. Put the dog into a holiday kennel using his details so he gets charged until he picks it up. Sign the form for removing yourself from the joint account and go to wherever he's staying and don't leave until he signs it.

He thinks he can walk all over you. Its time to take back control

Not much better yet, I think as it was the first session it was a lot of going over things, got a few more booked in though