Hey Everyone,
I have followed these threads since the first one was formed, and have read every single post. At the time I didn’t feel like my own situation was anywhere near as bad enough as the rest of you guys, but now I feel like it’s my turn to need help and support otherwise I’m going to drive my friends away with my over analysing.
Me and DP split up beginning of July. We kept saying we shouldn’t talk but could never quite make that clean break of it, after a lot of on again/off again two weeks ago on Wednesday she decided that we had to stop talking to give us a chance to move on and for our own sanity - we were beginning to be codependent and needed to stop it.
So, we stopped talking on the Wednesday night, and didn’t speak again until Monday when all my clothes from her house were posted to my work. She’d blocked me on WhatsApp (couldn’t bear to keep looking at my picture and online status) and when I iMessage’d her, she had blocked me there too, so ended up sending a Facebook message. She apologised, said it was the only way to move on and have a clean break. Last Monday night I got a text saying her Grandad had died. I passed on my condolences, and said if you need anything I’m here. Didn’t talk again till Thursday when we had a couple of nice messages when I checked in on her and how she was doing. Then I left it again safe in the knowledge I’m unblocked.
Saturday just gone she messages me asking how I am, I messaged back yesterday morning saying yeah, I’m okay, how are you. I also put in a joke about my sister saying she looks like someone from telly. No reply. So I messaged again today. I got a terrible reply saying that I’m being selfish and trying to twist our conversations into something else that isn’t about the death of her Grandad - I wasn’t, I was just trying to say how I felt and that I wasn’t over us yet. Anyway, I apologised and asked how she is and was again met with silence (she’s probably blocked me again)
Right now I feel like I’m going crazy, I spend half my time really missing her and the other half wanting to kill her. It’s like I’m her punchbag to insult and have a go at and she won’t talk to me about anything, instead looks for reasons to have a go at me. Whenever I start to think, maybe this really is it and we will never talk again, I get a message from her. I’m 50/50 if I should message the day of the funeral or make any sort of effort with her anymore. I know she’s grieving, and my ill advised attempt at humour was dreadful but she could’ve just said that instead of silence and me having to chase it up? It all feels like games on her side and I’ve no idea if she will message again or not. I’m so confused.
You’ve no idea how much better I feel typing this out! And I’m heading to get back to my hobby shortly, I need to do something for my frustration so apologies if I don’t reply.