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Original poster

Break up support thread 2

999 replies

Jonsnowsghost · 21/08/2019 21:16

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

OP posts:
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Original poster
Jonsnowsghost · 28/08/2019 11:54

I'm honestly really struggling with the fact that he knew her for one day and was willing to not only wreck our relationship but also wreck me. Not months or weeks of an affair build up, just ONE DAY. we had been together a year and a half. Who on earth does that?! No decent person would. I hate her more than I've ever hated anything (because she knew about me, and had a choice to stop it), and in time I'm sure I'll hate him as equally.
Really hurting today.

OP posts:
herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 12:44

tinsel yet again we are synced up, as tonight I’m going for tea at the pub round the corner from A’s house - remember a few weeks ago you also did the same on the same night as me!

jonsnow yeah that is such a headtrip, I understand how long term affairs happen - still vile, not justifying it, but see how they happen- but to just up and leave is so weird! Maybe he had mental health issues and it could have been anyone, just happened to be her? Don’t blame you for hating her, I know ultimately he was the one who cheated but like you say, she knew. Hopefully in time you won’t hate either of them, because you’ll have moved on too much to even give them that kind of emotion.

TinselAndKnickers · 28/08/2019 15:53

Oh yes!

Saw his car but not him Sad little bit sad tbh.

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 15:54

Really missing him today. Does anyone else flash back to times when you could have seen them but didn’t (as in when you were still together) but didn’t and wish you had? Like last time we went to this pub as a family but A and I were still together I was moaning to him that the timing was awkward and I’d be waiting around for half an hour so he said why don’t you come chill at mine. Decided not to bother cos I knew I’d just keep checking the time and now I wish I’d gone and made the most of it. I know it’s a stupid way to think - I could have but I didn’t and that’s that - but still pops into my head now and then.

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 15:55

tinsel my bus takes me past his drive and I get sad whenever I see his car! It’s cos of roadworks tho so hopefully be back on normal route soon. How are you feeling?

TinselAndKnickers · 28/08/2019 16:27

I feel like shite because he's round the corner, I know he knows I was next to him as he's seen my mates story. So sad I didn't time it right to see him!

My birthday is a week today and I'm so anxious about it because I don't know if he'll text or what, if he'll wanna talk or not, what's going on! Sad

MissYeti · 28/08/2019 16:27

@Mumcomehere I don't even have his jeans Sad I packed all of his shit the day after he sodded off and as he hasn't worn the bloody things for months they went into the bag with all his other clothes. He just hasn't bothered to look properly

Strawberrycupcakes212 · 28/08/2019 16:54

Hi can I join this thread? Background story.. I have had a difficult few years since my divorce which wasn’t my choice. I met a lovey man in February this year, but my relationship and trust issues came to the fore again, and he couldn’t take any more so left me in July. I’ve went downhill badly to the point even basic things are a struggle. I’ve been to my doctor and been prescribed anti depressants but I’m not seeing any difference.

I’ve been in almost daily contact with my ex partner and I think this is what is stopping me from being able to move forwards. He always takes my calls, he always texts me back and he always says you never know what the future holds. He’s went as far to say he still has hope we can reconcile sometime in the future?? Now I know for some, this is positive, but for me, it’s slowly killing me as I’m stuck in limbo. I’m not an emotionally strong person at the best of times, and this has just pulled the rug from under my feet. I suppose stupidly I truly believed I had a happy future ahead of me. For the first time in 10 years, I felt happiness. Now I feel crippling pain.

The longest I’ve went no contact has been 11 days. It’s always me who reaches out to him. I last spoke to him on Saturday evening and his last words were he will message me sometime this week. I don’t know what to do? I feel broken and lost and I’m ashamed to admit I’m sleeping my life away. Of course I want him to message me, but I’m not emotionally strong enough to have a normal conversation with him and leave it at that... it’s almost like being an alcoholic... one text will lead to me calling/messaging/pleading/begging again and I’ve undone the no contact I’ve built up since Saturday.

I’m crying all the time and my family are losing patience with me. I have 2 teenage kids.

I had a rough divorce and it took me years to feel ok again... this has brought all those emotions to the surface again.

Thanks for reading x

MissYeti · 28/08/2019 17:28

@Strawberrycupcakes212 you poor thing, Sounds like you've been through absolute hell recently Flowers

The best thing you can do is go full NC. Block his number then delete it. Delete him off all social media platforms and give yourself a break ❤ get back to the gp ans have your medication reviewed as well just in case there's something different they can offer you.

This thread has been amazing for support. We're (sadly) all in the same boat. Please comment as much as you need to - we're all here for moral support. You can do this

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 17:37

Left work and felt like he was gonna be there, he wasn’t of course but made me realise I haven’t looked for him or thought he was going to be there for a couple of weeks now so that’s good I guess

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 17:38

Yes strawberry definitely go NC

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 18:33

He hasn’t viewed my last few stories but I’ve put that I’m here anyway...I don’t think he will especially give a shit that I’m round the corner but never mind

Strawberrycupcakes212 · 28/08/2019 19:06

Thanks guys! I have a feeling he might text tonight as it’s midweek... maybe I’m just wishfully hoping tho. I wish I was able to reply and say yeh I’m having a great week... but my heart is in pieces and it’s a victory if I’ve cleaned my teeth and eaten something in a day.

I’m wishing now I had never met him. Life wasn’t great, but it was ok. I was lonely and sad but I wasn’t like this. Why has life given me a glimmer of happiness and then snatched it away... it’s almost as if someone up there’s has said... look.. she’s happy!! Can’t have that! Let’s just pull the rug again! We had so many happy days out together... I felt a peace that I have never felt before... only for my anxieties to ruin it all with my questions and overthinking.

I ruined it. Not him. Me. I genuinely hfs myself.

Strawberrycupcakes212 · 28/08/2019 19:07

Hate :-(

Strawberrycupcakes212 · 28/08/2019 19:09

Sorry... meant to ask... if he does text, should I ignore? I don’t want to because I don’t want to push him away further... but if I reply I’m breaking my run of NC and running the risk of f* it... I’ll just text a million messages coz I’ve blown it anyway...

MissYeti · 28/08/2019 19:27

@Strawberrycupcakes212 you're not together, you don't need to worry about pushing him away. Don't focus on what He's doing - focus on yourself and what you need to do to get yourself into a good place.

Text him if you must to say you're cutting contact and not to message you again the block and delete his number. Every time you message him or he messages you you're just resetting your progress back to day 1. You deserve better than that

Mumcomehere · 28/08/2019 19:31

MissYeti, everything you have just said, is spot on.

Mumcomehere · 28/08/2019 19:34

@Strawberrycupcakes212 for your own sanity you need to block and delete him. If he left you under the circumstances he did, he doesn't deserve you. You are way to good for him.

I am also on AD was before this shit happened, it has set me back, but I'm going to beat this.

BrokenHeartedAndBruised · 28/08/2019 21:37

He rang. I didn't answer. What did he want?
Was it to say how wonderfully happy he is without me (and with her)?

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 22:29

broken I want to know as well now! But good for not answering, stay strong. If it’s something vitally urgent it’ll get to you.

MissYeti · 28/08/2019 22:48

@BrokenHeartedAndBruised well done for not answering! Don't let wild thoughts enter your head about why he called. You didn't answer for your own sake, you knew nothing good would come of it

TinselAndKnickers · 28/08/2019 23:22

I wanna know too Grin well done for not answering. No way I'd be as strong. It's showing him you're not at his beck and call though!

Had a cry on the way home cos I miss him. So glad I didn't drive past his house though.

Strawb NC all the way baby! Fuck him

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 23:27

Ugh I’m so stupid, wanted to remind myself of a conversation we had but couldn’t remember when it was so had to wade through some lovey dovey messages before hand, had a massive cry and feeling shit now. Can’t believe it all went so fucking wrong, I love him so much. And he lovED me. Past tense.

Mumcomehere · 28/08/2019 23:37

I'm feeling pretty strong tonight (atm), I think what gave me a boost was i had a message from a really good friend of his, said he had heard what had happened and he had no idea he was cheating, and he has now cut contact with him! Ex is starting to lose a lot of people because of his actions (good) :)

herbsmokedchicken · 28/08/2019 23:50

Oh good you’re feeling strong! This is the way forward!

Ha, that’s no more than he deserves!