Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Coffeeandchocolate9 He's not ex SAS-it was just a nick name I gave him based on one of his photos 🙂

That's it, he's gone...deleted.

@shitwithsugaron I think the fab leads are funny too and that's just from the posters. I'm sure lurkers have joined too. Whatever next? MN have one in those promotional hyperlinks for fab? Haha

Candy excellent post, I came on to ask how I let go of the guy I was seeing as I’ve never felt so connected to anyone but he’s totally closed and called it on that I think. But that’s exactly what I needed, he wasn’t right long term for me, wouldn’t fit in with my life.

It’s just hard to stop thinking and texting how do you all do it?!

Hey just posting an update if anyone remembers from the last thread. Thanks for all the advice! I had a date last night with the one I wasn't sure was dating other people. He obviously sensed me being slightly off with him the following day so sent me a picture of him and his brothers slobbing about at his 😳 I felt really stupid after, obviously I've got some trust issues or whatever I need to look into better.
So I had the exclusive chat with him and it's official we are exclusive, he isn't dating/sleeping with anyone and deleted apps after our first few dates 😊 I'm ridiculously happy and currently sipping coffee in his bed while he has gone to work 😬

@WhatWhyWhen This is why I've just deleted MrSAS's number and our chat. I know i will just keep reading it and be tempted to text him otherwise (as I did before).

He can't give me what I deserve so as lovely as he is, I have to let him go now.

Sunshine well done - I think it will help.

TooOld and Hairy so sorry to read your news. Which other thread were you getting a hard time on TooOld.

Everything crossed Mr BC and I seem to be okay. Had a lovely weekend together, and we're away for the bank holiday weekend.

Did say I wasn't in a great place to make good decisions yesterday, and I didn't! Spent the night with MissHF and just got home.
Yeah I know, twat!
Anyway I've got to do some rapid packing and get myself ready to go away, plenty of time to mull it over this week.

Onwards and upwards @Sunshineandflipflops and @Marlboroandmalbec34 !

Ah @Ant330!

I think some thinking time is what you need. Just because you spent the night together doesn't mean to you have to get back with her. Maybe that's the closure you needed.

Oh @Ant330 ! Well hopefully it was a final farewell fuck. She will mash your head if you keep going back. But you know that and we're here. Have a lovely break.

I’m creeping into the thread with a little update but it seems a bit self indulgent as I’m all in love and there’s so much sadness here....

I’m so sorry to hear of the mass unhappiness for Sunshine, Marlboro, Ant, Hairy, TooOld, FMFL and anyone I’ve missed. Sunshine I think you’ve been very brave, I’m sorry you’re hurting and I think you knew this would happen one day but hoped against hope it wouldn’t. I’m hoping now you find someone who loves you deeply and fully.

JeSuis happy belated birthday! Glad it was lovely, and I think MrC is showing you how much he loves you every day. Actions speak far louder than words and boy is he actioning!

I’m still on the Beyoncé bench - properly head over heels, feelin’ it, making plans for the future crazy in love. But it’s evolving into something deeper and more settled, it’s not all shagging and sexting. (Well there’s still loads of that, but the love-lust ratio is shifting.)

I kissed an awful lot of frogs though, so don’t give up. I was ghosted, flaked, stood up, unmatched, perved on, catfished and friendzoned. I developed a much thicker skin and learned not to be a people pleaser so much. I also had a lot of fun and met some really lovely guys, who just weren’t right for me.

I learned not to compromise my own wants and needs for settling, and learned that there’s nothing wrong with holding out for someone that ticks all the boxes. There’s always compromise but don’t compromise on the big things - they matter.

No judgement from me Ant. Hopefully your holiday will give you distance and space.

Lovely update, Sidge. I've kind of avoided saying it when there's so much bad news on the thread, but I'm also feeling that way. He's such a lovely, lovely man 😍

Well done sunshine* I know how hard that is. Have you also deleted his number. And if you think he will get back in touch, block him. I had to start NC by counting the hours. Then it went to days and weeks. After 6 weeks I had an overwhelming urge to contact him so I did. We had two amazingly intense days saying how much we missed each other. I asked some questions and then he backed off again and said he needed silence. It was too difficult for him to talk to me as he wasn't able to give me what I wanted. It dragged the pain right back to square one. So I would really recommend sticking at no contact.

How are you doing* marls? You are so right. It's ok not to want the person you are sleeping with to be doing that with anyone else. It's entirely normal in fact.

Welcome to the heartbroken bench hairy. I'm sorry there are so many of us on here.

What happened to Mr Wow tooold. Did you need other options after you both said you loved each other? I thought things were going well?

Great news about your perfect date with Mr Perfect supercali.

Ah ant I think grief makes you crave human contact. I hope Miss H gave you what you needed and you have some time and space to think about what you want.

And to the loved up amongst us jesuis sidge shitwith batshit keep posting and showing us there is hope.

@sunshineandflipflops well done, that's a big step! Have you blocked him too? I hope you get some kind of closure.

@gymandtonic25 I’m glad that’s a good outcome. As mentioned before I have been very insecure with my iron but it just took time to get to know him.

@ant330 tut tut! Seriously, no judgements from us. It was a hard day. Just spend more time on your next decisions. My fear is she knows she can just pull you in. Be strong.

I am so angry for all of you sunshine, ant, hairy, marlboro, tooold (apologies if I forgot anyone). You are all FUCKING AMAZING people and you have been caught up with emotionally unavailable fuckwits. These people just shouldn’t be dating if they are going to mess with your head.

Sidge that’s a lovely update.

I am still on the smitten bench but focusing on the holidays and taking dc out so I don’t have as much time to see or message Mr R. Thank you for present suggestions, I have ordered the scratch cards and will pop to Next later as dc are going to an activity so I will get a spare couple of hours to buy something. I hope the cards get to us before I see him on Friday.

Well done @Sunshineandflipflops. Hope you’re ok today.

Thanks everyone and no @StealthNinjaMum I haven't blocked him as it would have been me messaging him, not the other way around.

Don't underestimate the power of NC sunshine. You not being in touch will mess with his head and he is likely to reach out. TBf to Mr S he didn't. I saw him 'typing' on WA when I was reading our thread before I'd deleted it. But he told me he knew he couldn't give me what I needed so always thought better if messaging me. But I think in most cases they will get back in touch. And this can really derail your progress.

Blimey I’m sorry I jinxed everyone by even starting this thread!

hairyarsed so sorry to hear your news, and tooold keep posting here, you’ll get through this. ant absolutely no judgement from me - like someone else said, grief can produce an almost primal urge for physical contact. That’s how my third DD came into the world! But I do hope that Miss HF’s new name will remind you as you enjoy your holiday with your son: she is a Headfucker.

sidge and all on the smitten bench: fantastic, positive inspiration for all!

Some lovely updates peeps. Please dont think you cant post soppy updates. I love hearing them and having been hanging with you guys for a while I remember the shit you have all been through so its lovely that so many of you have found happiness.

ant no judgement from me. I do feel she took advantage of knowing you were having a tough time. Do keep posting and know we are all here for you.

well done sunshine.

I havent told Mr Big yet. He has not contacted me since yesterday lunch as he will be with him OW, he is due back this evening.
I dont believe he is a bad person just completely unavailable. I think I will wait for him to contact me and when he does I will tell him I am out and then delete and block. If I have not heard from him by this time tomorrow I will delete and block without explaining anything.

Great update @sidge I agree with holding out. You give me hope!

To those other loved up please keep posting.

I think I forgot to mention I met Mr Dog now Adorable Dog. He is great, dog is even better. Some dtd may have happened with Mr AD, not the dog. He asked before I left if I could stay Saturday night. OK then.... 😉

ginmel thats great. Can you do sleepovers with FWBs without getting emotionally involved?