Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I'm just off out on date number 4 of 4 this weekend. 1 flaked, 2 postponed, 3 (Miss eyes) was a great date, tiny smooch at the end, good chemistry. Loo update if I can 😂

Oh, I'm ENFP too. I try to avoid ISTJ after being married to one for 12 years and an LTR straight after. I think my internal white knight kicks in and my endless optimism keeps it together for nobodies benefit.

@SimonJT yeah I can see how it could be reductionist / offputting having all those categories specifically related to the way you look as much as anything else

@Coffeeandchocolate9 that is Soooo an int/fj observation ;)

hey, whatever happened to Mr Drummer, is he all loved up?

Oh my god, I am chatting with a man from my home country who doesn't live too far from me. He is so unbelievably excited/excitable in our chat, like a bounding puppy. I wonder if I come across this way to Englishman.

I can't remember my Myers Briggs thingy - it was INFJ I think. Or INFT or is it INTF 😂😂 Am definitely an introvert and quite shy yet not one single person who's met me thinks I'm either 😂😂 I think a lot of people are shy but learn how to pretend they aren't as part of growing up. I spend my working life talking to total strangers, and adore my job. Which I suppose I shouldn't if I'm an introvert. I tend to think it's all bollocks 😂😂

Oh there was a J in there too 😂 It did say when I did it that my 'type' was suited to working for a charity, and I do.

Sunshine I couldn't date him as it would be triggering for me and I'd feel so unsafe, but you don't have my history. At least he was honest.

Thanks @BatshitCrazyWoman and I get that completely. Im not meeting him with the assumption we will date...just as two people who get on extremely well and I'll take it from there.
We're going to talk on the phone later.

I am an ENFP-T no idea what it means but it describes me to a t! Who should I be looking to date?

Still feeling down about Mr Big. Still taking to Mr Suit and have a date lined up with him for weds BUT not sure if it’s a good idea. Met on fab. He is looking for exclusive FWB but since having feels for Mr Big I wonder if I can get involved again knowing it’s just casual? I don’t have time for full on but I can’t bare to get the feels again knowing it’s not going anywhere.

Also he keeps sending me pics of his smooth chest. I like hairy men!!

sunshine if you want to meet him do so BUT please be wary. It’s great that he has recognised his problem but I would be worried he isn’t waiting 12 months before looking to date (as AA recommend) my ex had major issues with alcohol and it dominated our marriage

I'm ENTP and everything written about them is totally true of me, MBTI def not discredited here! It helps me understand myself and others much better.

Advice needed - I have been getting on famously with Mr Coincidence, going round most nights. He seems pleased but, being an ISTP, isnt the most verbally effusive type! He is active in planning out-of-bedroom activities together though, im feeling more like a gf than a FWB each day that goes by. Tbf, we never specified exactly what we were doing so theres no rules, we said we'd 'see how it went'.

I'm a bit worried. I really do like him but so paranoid about getting carried away in lust and tying myself down too quickly after working so hard to escape my marriage! I have a guy desperate to meet from tinder who i've held off to spend every moment with Mr Coincidence, and another who looks tempting. Theyd both be for hookups only, definitely.

I dont REALLY feel like i need to, im getting the sex i need, and really nice companionship, but i feel like im breaking the OLD rules by having plunged in so deep so fast! Only my 2nd tinder date!? And i should grab this opportunity to sow some wild oats! I dont owe Mr Coincidence anything at this stage, but tbh id feel like i was cheating on him if i did see these guys now. Is that being silly?

Oh @Marlboroandmalbec34 I've missed what happened with you and Mr Big But hope you are ok 😘
Sounds positive with this new iron, he may be the distraction you need. Think of it as a project, operation get over Mr Big and this guy is just there for that. - see how it goes.

Welcome to the ENTP club ha. I tend to find I gravitate more to E's but @supercali77 Has the best advice on that.

I'm with you @Strongtoday I find it very useful on even just understanding yourself.

I find it really hard to date a few at a time, but if there are no rules, it does no harm. I know a few on here do that and find it quite helpful as it can stop you over investing in one. If you start DTD with others I would prob let your FWB know.

I’m a hairy arsed mediator (INFP), which is supposedly rare.

@supercali77 that’s fair enough, to go with the focus on work. With my mediator idealist hat on I’m usually looking for balance. I suppose you could ..shock..horror.. meet someone in real life but then that might be a cruel irony.

I dont think i find Es attractive, yes as friends but not partners weirdly. ENTPS are only JUST Es tho apparently. I really appreciate downtime. I've gone for INTJ, INTP AND ISTP. INFJ is supposed to be our ideal match but i am very about the Fs, cant deal with them...

Anybody who just comes on to the thread and reads that last post will be all WTF 😂 😂😂 @Strongtoday

I def have traits of the other parts not just an E, I really tend to gravitate towards e's but after today's conversations I've noticed my last on was an I and think that's why I got so frustrated with him

What a great group we are

I really need to push myself back on to OLD again. But I just can't be bothered with boring chit chat at the start. How do you all keep going with it, especially after you've had a few shitty experiences with it.

I'm all over the E's. I love an analytical I. But we tend to 💥 misunderstand one another. Easy going, high energy, thinker. My faves.

@.HairyArsedMan yeah tbh it's more about where I put the focus and that's 90% on me. I tend to be analytical or highly invested I relationships as a trait which I either have to manage down or else....you know remove the temptation entirely haha

@lifegoes every time I come back I get more selective and make sure they are good for me. In other words if I have doubts I skip. Mind you if I keep doing this there won't be many left 😂 trying a different site can sometimes help too?

@lifegoes I've found I get better banter if I am personally drinking during the textual intercourse. Just had a wine there. It's hard because I reckon everyone gets sorta jaded by it. Men with initiating. Women with another generic opener

@Ginmel thats how I am, I read their profile or they open a conversation up and I'm all NOPE been here, seen this. I got sick of seeing "there's no new matches/men in your area, try adjusting your criteria" in other words adjust your boundaries 😂. I've used bumble, POF and tinder before. I dabbled with FAB. But not sure what else to use. Maybe I just need to reset all my profiles up.

Haha @supercali77 yeah that often works for me. But after all the alcohol at the weekend I'm currently drinking water.

@lifegoes I deleted my old profile on pof and made a new one. It helped a bit. Have you tried okcupid? I used to quite like it but believe it's been changed since I last used it. Fab is the only site I wouldn't bother doing that on. I shudder to think of all that blocking again 😅

Ha yeah I ended up blocking and then deleting my account. Never tried ok Cupid. I'll give it a go. I did like bumble the last time. I might reset back up again and see how it goes. Thank you @Ginmel

I met Mr Tall on OkCupid. Give it a go!

INFP here too.

ISFP
Introvert(19%) Sensing(9%) Feeling(34%) Judging(1%)
You have slight preference of Introversion over Extraversion (19%)
You have slight preference of Sensing over Intuition (9%)
You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (34%)
You have marginal or no preference of Perceiving over Judging (1%)

I find myself much more attracted to E's too. It's part of the reason I think I wasn't feeling it with the girl I was seeing the last few months as she was the quiet sort like myself.

Problem for me is that most E's are also attracted to E's particularly women as I think alpha and extroversion go hand in hand when it comes to men. I will find one eventually though, I need the opposites attract thing to happen.

OkCupid has always worked best for me, for some reason.

Thank you, just sorting out my profile now on okcupid. C'mon Cupid bring me a good E guy

@richdeniro yeah I think women are but that said, I know a few that are married to I's as they match on other things and they have strong marriages.