Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I guess I just don't like to be boxed in to a category in any aspect of my life.

Thanks @lifegoes. Agree with that 100%.

I lead in a lot of of my life. It's important to me to not be obligated to when dating... but I wouldn't want somebody so alpha that I couldnt lead half the time. I'm looking for my equal, in terms of power dynamic. It's hot to have somebody who can take care of a situation, and I'd get bored very quickly if that person wasn't me often

Nobody Is being "boxed" it's your personality. It's your morals, core values. It's just who you are as a person.

Looks at things like Myers Briggs it's all about personality traits. It's great and very beneficial in all areas of your life to understand who you are as a person.

I agree with you there @Coffeeandchocolate9 it's finding that balance isn't it. I met a man who was amazingly strong minded (very alpha) but it was too much and became an awful relationship. So I def need balance like yourself.

@lifegoes I've noticed on the apps a few people put their Myers Briggs type in their bio. It is actually helpful, like I know I can never really work with an I to my E. I love another extrovert.

@supercali77 that's actually a great idea.

I'm with you there.

I still use it quite a bit work, so I can adapt my communication style to how it best suits them. I should really try it in my dating life 😂😂

@lifegoes we're both ENFP's innit? I did once get a date to do the Myers Briggs with me. He was an INFJ. We didnt really gel, I kinda knew we wouldn't when I saw that...maybe we should start administering the test pre date? 😂 or what about a mysers briggs dating site?.

I swear this is my week of wankery men!

Dated someone a few times a while ago, got on well but wasn’t right as a relationship, agreed better as friends. Just dropped a cheery note about something we have in common as I thought of him and got a “you need to move on” in response. I have, how irritating and up his own bum! Why say friends and not mean it 🙄

Then I match on Bumble and get a load of sex stuff alongside a statement this bloke hasn’t seen his kids in 15yrs. What a catch, instant unmatch again.

Honestly starting to think I’m a wanker magnet

@supercali77 yes we are 🙌🏻.

First message is a questionnaire to determine personality compatibility.

Oh no @WhatWhyWhen how long since you were last In contact and who decided to stay as friends?

I ask this as they either sound bitter still or think you are trying to go back there.

@WhatWhyWhen 'you need to move on' 😂😂🤦‍♀️ I double dare you to go back with 'But you're just so incredibly special as a person'

@lifegoes also the classic 'how do you shop?'

@supercali77 @lifegoes I'm ENFP too 😁 I've never tried it with partners but at work, it's pretty obvious when I meet total opposites.

Ok trying to move on a bit from casual bloke as he wasn't giving me enough of what I need. I wanted to see whether he would pursue me a bit. Usual good morning message and small chit chat but that's it. He's just not that into me I guess and even though my ex was very intense, u wish there was a happy medium.

Haha I should - but I looooooove you!!!!!

@WhatWhyWhen pmsl. I dont think you understand how magnetic and exceptional you are. Do you even understand the effect you have?

Hahaha please do that @WhatWhyWhen imagine their reaction.

It's really got me thinking @Aleesha1 now @supercali77 has mentioned it. I'm the same as you do it all the time at work but never with partners. We need to either get them to do the quiz or ask a few questions so we can decide if they are E or I.

I also feel you there on your casual thing I just ended my recent one, he just didn't pursue me. Or he did but he'd go days without speaking leaving my last message unread for 5/6 days then coming back. And I needed more than that.

My ex would always pursue me but then he was a full blown narc so someone in the middle would be amazing.

Did he message you this morning? Is it just a gut feeling with your casual

Oh @supercali77 I still stand by the 'how do you shop' question. 😂😂

@lifegoes Yes he did message me this morning but I guess I'm used to someone being much more full on whereas he is super laid back. He will always message me each day but even that's not enough for me. I guess the one niggling thing is with one ex, he said how she was the thing he wanted most in the world (and she didn't want him/just had sex with him) and I get the impression he was infatuated with her even though pretty obvious she was using him. He would have done anything for her. So I guess there is that shadow there. I totally know I'm being unreasonable but that shadow makes me think he clearly doesn't have anywhere near those feelings for me, I'm just a nice, comfort blanket. And I don't want to be that.

I don't think that's unreasonable at all and understandable it will give you doubts when he's actually said that to you. @Aleesha1

How often do you see each other?

I'd be happy with a few texts a day but I also understand that sometimes you need more and I'm wondering if it's not the amount of texts he's sending. But more how you are feeling about the whole situation. If he's making you feel uncertain and you aren't sure how he feels. Or he isn't making you feel like you are wanted. I guess you have to decide how long you can put up with that. Or if you should walk away now.

What you tolerate now, will be what breaks you in the future.

@lifegoes I do know he cares for me but he keeps his cards close to his chest and I need more. We talked about me seeing others and he said he would be ok if just sex but not ok if it was more. So I was thinking, how does that work? So I think he does see this as something but just doesn't invest enough into me. Too much second guessing, I just can't be bothered.

Maybe just say @Aleesha1 say exactly how you feel and what you need. If he can't give you that then you can walk away knowing for sure.

I’ve done two of those and I was ENFJ both times, along with people having to put their personality types they should also have to put if they dislike animals, people who don’t like animals can’t be trusted.

@supercali77 Some people do, as much as it annoys me it is largely accurate (apart from top/bottom, that doesn’t really exist), I get called a wolf quite a lot, or gaysian, MrNN was wolf whistled and called a twunk a few times on saturday 😂

pairedlife.com/dating/Gay-Men-Are-you-a-Jock-Otter-Bear-or-Wolf

@lifegoes sorry to hog thread here! I did sortof say it on the phone and then he came over to spend time with me but I guess deep down I know i need more than this from someone else who I could have a future with.

Oh I agree with that @SimonJT about animals.

That's what the thread is here for to help you @Aleesha1 that's exactly why I had to end things at my side with mr casual. We'd been fine but I realised that I still need more in a casual situation. I still need to feel wanted and I didn't get it from him. I had told him and he tried but then it went back to how it was. So if you have mentioned it to him, he knows how you feel and it's still not making it any better. Maybe it is time to end it, so you can find what you want. Because you certainly won't whilst he is around. You are prize remember x

INT/FJ here (so sadly I'm not suitable for Supercauli )

Although meh, Myers-Briggs now widely discredited/out of fashion.