@Notcoolmum
Just noticed your postcoffeeandchocolate. This sounds like a potential difference in character which is hard to overcome I think. Hard to say more when I'm not sure what sort of conversations he's swerving.
Thanks for the reminder that it's absolutely normal to be able to discuss our relationship and what we are each thinking. I don't expect all conversations to be easy for us both or equally difficult. I know some stuff will trigger me, and some probably different stuff will trigger him. He can switch from being open to snapping shut a lid on a box unexpectedly and then if I press it blaming me for making it awkward. I know that after we first met he was wrangling how much he'd told me about himself and the fact that he'd told me things on our first date he'd never told anybody else. It feels like a snap back to his normal from that. But it's inconsistent, even within 10 minutes being very open to very closed. I'm ok if this is his processing things and working it through and it'll get better, but I'm not ok with it if it's permanent and he's not prepared to at least try to meet me half way.
@ccir
what kind of thing won’t he answer? Always makes me wonder if I’ve asked things when I read things like Ike this. Would worry me though
@Ginmel
so was he avoiding answering questions or were you asking him to change in some way? Bit confused so sorry if I misunderstood
Bit of both, really.
Example:
We we discussing what we each we into sexually. Led by him, he was pressing me to say, and I was finding it quite difficult (he does notice and acknowledge and offer different ways which could help). After an awkward start I got going with it, and he'd say "yeah ok I don't mind that" or i don't have a problem with that. I found his phrasing weird, and asked him to clarify what he meant and he seemed to be talking about what he would be prepared to do for a lover, not what he enjoyed. I think I shared maybe 5-10 things, and got one single thing out of him for what he likes. A few days later I found a website that offers you possibilities and you can make a list - so I made one and sent it to him. It was a good talking point. I asked him to do the same for me. I haven't had it, although apparently he's written one twice and deleted it twice because of technicalities (the website only lets you say say giving or receiving, something I'd explained when I gave him my list).
I made a comment about being his girlfriend. He joked in a serious voice about all his other girlfriends. He did say at the end that they were all imaginary- so I inferred from him (and me in all fairness) being indirect, that we are in fact exclusive and a couple.
He refused to add me on his Facebook. Says he's too private a person - yet sat scrolling through his fb feed showing me stuff, so I know it's not that he doesn't want me to see what's on there.
As I was asking questions about him it turns out he's been arrested. As a youth apparently. Then when asked point blank refused to tell me what for. I'm not really worried about what it is, but it seemed like a ridiculous thing to suddenly shut down and clam up about, and in doing so made it into a big issue for what was probably a nothing offence.
He won't answer where he works - that's too private apparently. Yet I've been to his house, We have dtd, shared intimately. I know what he does just not where. I don't get why telling me where he works is more private and personal than any of the above. I know just before we met his ex went in there and it hurt him, so whether he's trying to get to know and trust me not to do that...? Meanwhile I had already taken him to my place of work.
He was asking about my dating history. I explained. He shared his. He "joked" that I'd go back to one of them. I said I wouldn't, and that in any case he was seeing somebody and so was I. He asked who and I said him of course, and he... was deadpan jokey about not being so sure about that, and I said the were times and subjects that that wasn't ok with me about, and he got defensive saying that was a part of him and that I'll never change him. So I feel back to not knowing if he is exclusively with me or not.
So, mixed signals, and I can see from writing this out that I've been unfair at least in my head a couple of times because I wasnt being direct either. 
I feel like being upfront this that could well be a deal breaker for me, but I could do with having the conversation in a softer way, because if I go in how I'm feeling it'll be all guns blazing and will put him on the defense.