Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

shitwith matching values is more important. You don't need to be Howard and Hilda ....!

images.app.goo.gl/c2bvR9GH9y75fjRM9

So been chatting to a someone for a while. All lovely. Talking about meeting up then poof gone Nothing.I know real life gets in the way but to not reply for 4 days.. Doesn't take much to send a quick text.
Why not be honest and just say no sorry don't fancy it in the first place ?! Instead of ignoring for days and days instead. Urghh
Oh well... Move on.

Mr Match, message, unmatch turned up again this morning, so I blocked him on the app, felt a bit silly as I had to report him to do it, but he's a timewaster.
Probably now our eyes will meet across a crowded room or somesuch shit, at least I'll have a good opening line!

Sorry should have said "for the FOURTH time" on that post, or I just look psycho!!

MrTall lives in the next town along from me so it's 20 minutes door to door...I was prepared to do 30 minutes but that's it. We haven't been able to meet much due to school holidays but we're having a sleepover next week and I'm so looking forward to it! He's so deliciously gorgeous ☺️ @shitwithsugaron I know what you're going through with your wobbles...I have them all the time and he says don't worry! Our values are the same but some of his interests makes me go wtf? And vice versa...love the Howard and hilda pic!

Good luck to everyone with dates this weekend...lovely weather for sitting in a beer garden!

I consistently match with 40+ minutes away. Mr Joker loves to drive so he's not fussed, and Mr Nice takes the train so he's also not fussed.

I think if they like you enough, they will make the effort.

Mr Rugby is just keeping me on the back burner I think. Was fun while it lasted.

So. Mr AD who doesn't drink. I asked him why (thought I might as well) and he said he's not good with alcohol. I can see old pics of him on Fb with drinks in his hands so would you say I'm correct in assuming that he might have had some alcohol related issues?

So mr bald continues to confuse me. The message last night was so odd. It was a picture message of his garden with some lanterns in, one that I'd bought him so he was obviously showing me what it looked liked switched on. It was transpired that he has moved house which I didn't k ow about so that picture was obviously going to cause me to ask more questions and result in further conversation between us. Again today he tells me that in moving day he was in hospital having an MRI scan and CT scan so of course I'm going to ask questions as of course I will worry!! I don't know what he's playing at. It was mainly him who drove us ending as he couldn't give me what I wanted and said that although he loved me there was something 'missing'. I don't know if he's thinking he was wrong or just wants his cake and to eat it!. I

He's messing you about. Tread carefully.

Hey gang. Just checking in. sunshine really pleased you are back out there.

Hope everyone has lovely dates in the sun this weekend. No dates for me as I have the kids

Mr Luigi asked me out and we confirmed a date but haven’t heard from him since. Mr Suit messaged once or twice a day, supposed to see him next week. He passed telephone interview but he’s just not exciting me at all! Blah blah blah

@ohhahhh789 I agree with the above. Beware a sob story. I dont mean someone telling you a difficult story but a well time drop-in sob story. When a fella came back to me and I explained I was done, he came back with a story about his family and feeling vulnerable. I'm sorry but that is for a therapist. Mr bald has family and friends. Be very very careful because this sounds like subtle emotional manipulation to me

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I have a kid weekend too. Chats on the go but honestly the drop off as soon as they arrive. Cant help but feel like it's pure chance that anyone sticks with one person or even manages to meet them

Thanks guys. I know I need to step away. There's a very small part of my that hopes he's seen sense and can give me what I want but inside I know that he won't, even if he says he will/ can as we have been here before. It's so bizarre. I can't work out what he's doing. We've had small chats since we broke up, one one or two messages so he has had the opportunity to tel me these things if he wanted to.... I think he was dating someone so maybe that's fallen through and now he's starting to regret things with me.

Mr bald aside does anyone feel like they just can't be bothered with the relentlessness of OLD? I do want to meet someone but it's so relentless... same old same old with very few that progress past a day of messaging. I have one iron and have had a few other messages this week but haven't replied to anyone as I feel like I just can't be bothered with it all.

ohhhahhh I don't know the history between you and Mr Bald but I would tread carefully. His health problems are no longer your concern. They stopped being that when he ended your relationship. I'd want to understand his motives. And also be honest with myself about what I was looking for. And whether it was a good hint to go back.

No dates for me this weekend. Mr B has his kid. No other promising irons in the fire.

@ohhahhh789 bluntly, you are the one who reinitiated contact with him aren't you? Therefore he could just as easily be wondering if you are happy to accept what he wanted. He's also not said anything different but you are reading into everything. He sounds like quite a head fuck and clearly knows how to play on your emotions showing you the lamp you bought, that he had moved and that he is going to have scans. Frankly doesn't sound good for you at all. If this is all true, read all the rules on page 1, delete and block him and move on

Not for nothing hope was the evil that stayed in pandoras box. It's the worst. With people who headfuck you have to ditch it. If they do it once. They'll do it again. Eyes wide open. Is he really so special?

Yes I did initiate contact but never actually meant to. I know I didn't have to reply to his replies. The conversation on Thursday was just about holidays. It had me questioning things but I expected it just to stay there but then yesterday had completely confused me. I was soo close to deleting the WhatsApp thread the other day. I haven't been back in and read it but I still feel like I can't let go of it. I do need to read the rules.

Its tempting. I know. I've been there. I had a call off my personal headfucker. He pulled out all the stops. It would be so great to think they had the depth of character to know their own mind......you have got to hold onto your reason/rational mind. Think about what he did to you. How it hurt you. How you've moved on.

In know.... 95% of me tells myself all those things but there's 5% that clings onto a possibility that something will have changed. I've been here before with him though so definitley can't go down that route a 2nd time.

@supercali77 mad props to you for services to the thread this week👏👊

Checking in briefly and catching up..

As Marls said @Sunshineandflipflops it's nice to hear you're back in the swing of things. Pls just be careful and cognisant that it may be too soon.. sub-consciously you might be comparing new OLDs to MrSAS.. so new irons will never be able to fill his place right now - but then perfect for you in a few months' time.
@shitwithsugaron... I totally get where you are coming from. But I think lit vs sci-fi isn't a big thing, what would be a big thing is maybe someone who has never read a book versus you being a reader. I think being able to share downtime (I love reading in bed before falling asleep) is important. Music taste.. that's slightly different for me but in a relationship can be dealt with by having friends with similar tastes and going to gigs with them. I have a group of male friends I go away to festies with, their wives hate the sort of music we like and are glad to get rid of their hubbies for a weekend (these are festivals where we book separate hotel rooms btw!). The wives are happy with me being part of that clique as I know the hubbies well.
The big thing that contributed to my XP and I splitting up was his obsession with ski-touring and climbing. That took up weeks and many many weekends of his free time. I am scared of heights. He saw nothing wrong in camping with a female friend in the same tent and if he went OS on a climbing hol for a week I was told I was not allowed to go (as not a climber). That sort of stuff was a deal-breaker for me, not our tastes in music and books.

Sorry for the long post.. just wanted to say don't sweat the small stuff xx

"as I know the hubbies well" - that should I say "I know their wives well" (they are always invited) and they know I will stop their hubbies mis-behaving (in their case, drinking too much)

@HairyArsedMan haha. Thanks. Dubious honour of being a headfuck spotter.