Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Seems apt

Ooh whatwhy that sounds very exciting I'm jealous. I don't think I'd put all my eggs in one basket though. Not just yet.

I'm struggling a bit with multi dating and how I feel about it. I'm seeing Mr B who is not a long term prospect but who I'm having a lot of fun with. I'm chatting to a couple of others but not met anyone else yet. Part of me doesn't want to put my eggs in one basket and lose out on missing finding someone more meaningful. But also finding time for more than one is difficult.

I've been up front with Mr B so he knows I'm not all in. Although I think he's more interested in me.

After Mr S I'm not ready for anything serious. But don't want to inadvertently invest in something I know won't work out long term. 🤔

I'm not sure I could date a non drinker, I don't think I ever have. @Ginmel I'd end up drinking more on their behalf 😂

@lifegoes it's so bizarre to have met two. They are both excellent irons apart from that.

I did end up drinking less with iron one btw 😂

@Notcoolmum I feel the same, but I'm putting my fate in the hands of the swiping gods and just see what happens.

lifegoes that photo hahaha Pretty much my inbox before I hid my profile and just added as favourites those I hoped would contact me. I am learning fast!

whatwhy love the Superdrug make up story. My signature scent is often the free perfume sample I found in Stylist magazine before jumping on a tram for a night out so I hope my irons don't want someone classy

@Sunshineandflipflops great news that he said yes.
I rarely drink on a date because public transport round here is rubbish so I nearly always have to drive. But I've never found it a problem being with a date who was drinking. I like most soft drinks and I'm happy to match them with buying rounds.

Just don't get absolutely wankered like Mr Tall and I did on our first date! I woke up in his bed but we didn't do anything other than cuddle - we had to go on a second date to see if we liked each other lol!

I have done sober dates. But I wouldn't like to date a non drinker. I like sharing a bottle of wine with a meal, on my sofa and the odd full on boozy night out.

Having been married to an alcoholic though I do tend to keep an eye on their consumption as I don't want to end up there again!!

I must admit it did bother me at first but it doesn't stop me from getting slightly sozzled. I'm not a massive drinker anyhow Also last iron said not drinking helped with ED so maybe that's a reason for some?

So glad there's happier stuff on this thread now! Good luck to those with dates tonight/over the Bank Holiday.

Ginmel I drink very little and would have loved to have matched with a non-drinker! I seemed to attract very heavy drinkers and as I'd divorced an alcoholic that was an instant left swipe! Fortunately Mr BC drinks very little too so we're a good match.

@bats that's great. I think most of all it's good when people are relatively on the same level. Have some friends who shouldn't date a non drinker as they frequently getting very pissed.

My first date is Mr U is going to be a dinner rather than coffee. Breaking all my rules here

And he rejected my restaurant suggestion and found a nicer one. Well okay then 😍

I don't drink loads. Maybe a couple of pints a week. It does depend on what's happening.

Haven't been "drunk" in many many years, and really don't want to

I have been wanting to reduce my alcohol consumption recently anyway so maybe that will help!
Tonight's date is a drinker so I'll make the most of it before my date with the non-drinker!

Urgh. The guy I've been chatting to loads and who I seem to really click with, not only lives in shared accommodation at the moment but doesn't have a car. He says he lost both to his ex (he is nearing the end of his divorce and I don't think it's been too amicable).

Why can't I just meet someone who has a place, a car and a decent job?! Is it too much to ask?

I drink very little. (Have long complicated history with booze) I've found it impossible to find non-boozy men of my age. At least 4 men I dated (out of about 8) had proper drink problems. It's a deal breaker. Nothing worse than listening to a booze bore on pint number 5 talking shite. I had to find younger and non-Brit to meet someone who will drink if we go to a bar but isn't fussed. His take on English women.."I don't understand why they have to drink a bottle of wine before they can have sex. Am I that ugly? Do they hate sex that much?" Sober sex is soooo much better.

@Sunshineandflipflops mr U lives in shared accommodation. He doesn't have a car. Or anything really. His income is minus. It's part of the Unsuitable ness. But it's fine. Feels like being young again. Mind you I'm on benefits and my car is off eBay.

@Peanuthedz How much someone earns doesn't bother me, as long as we can do nice things now and again. It's more that I'm 41, worth two kids and a mortgage (albeit still with my ex) and can't see myself enjoying going to someone's shared house to spend time with them. I dated someone (MrArt) who lived with his parents and didn't have a car and I felt a bit like his mum. He was almost 10 years younger than this guy though.

Ha it feels like my inbox since I've gone back to OLD @Ndotto

I've had many sober dates, I've also been in a LTR with an alcoholic. So I def couldn't date someone who is a drunk, but just not sure I could date someone who doesn't drink at all.

My ex husband wasn't an alcoholic but when he drank, he drank to excess and could never just go out for one or two.

I've grown up with my parents sharing a bottle of wine over dinner and I do like a good glass of wine so would be quite strange to not share a bottle with someone but not impossible.

None of the guys I've met on OLD so far drink alcohol, one doesn't drink caffeine either. It's a refreshing change after being with someone with alcohol issues.

@Sunshineandflipflops Is having your own home and a car really that huge of a deal?

MiniSJT was dropped off earlier, had a huge row with BF about instagram (ah, a sign of the modern age!) so drinks tonight with everyone won’t be awkward at all. Ah well, at least if this weekend turns out to be a disaster it follows the theme of the thread.