Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Haha eyebrows we will all be booking Eurostar tickets!!

So true lifegoes and ant. And we can even see what advice we'd tell someone else in our situation. But we ignore it anyway.

Ant sounds like a great trip! My DS is at Reading festival this weekend. and will probably get more action than his dad

I'm getting a little nervous now. Mr Dog is calling tonight to try and sort out tomorrow's date (we wan to get out of the town we live in). I've just realised that we only started chatting on Tuesday and we are going on a date tomorrow! I know next to nothing about him, I haven't asked his height so he could be 5ft for all I know, and....aaaaghhhh...is it all a bit too soon?!

Sunshine No - not too soon. By all means ask him these things, but go on the date!

@Ant330 As it happens, because I love the data - I went looking for stats - I dunno if anyone else gaf about this stuff but..... only about 6% of women online send the first message. BUT, according to anthropologists etc women universally make the first move....it's just they don't do it directly. They use non verbal communication. Open posture, hair flicking, lingering gaze etc. So......a 'view' to me is a translation of the same behaviour. heh, but anyway, I can't really juggle more than a couple of chats with dates so yeah....no point stacking them up

@Ant330 😂😂 it's so true. I've seen myself give some amazing advice and then sit and cry because I can't understand what's happening with a guy. We are utterly bizarre as humans. But I do believe it's our emotions that cloud everything. The moment we give ourself space to see things rationally. We are suddenly all WTF am I doing.

I've also just watched this from Russel brand in Instagram. How very true it is... www.instagram.com/p/B1eEsF6AMfv/?igshid=15dwllzvu9sfk

Ant I agree with supercali and I'd also wait for the man to msg first.
Oh and sounds like a great trip!
eyebrows - That made me laugh, furtively looking around to see if you can spot them!
sunshine Glad you're back into it.

Anyone remember MrBirdseye (MrBE) who likes kinky sex? Well, he popped round last night after lots of msgs over the last couple of days. He had been trying to call me for a few weeks now but I never answered, as I was with MrWow. He looked well sexy with his buzz cut, plus he's tall, which always makes me swoon a bit. We've both been flaky in the past but have agreed to give it a proper go this time! I'm off the apps and not chatting to anyone else. We're both busy this w/e with prior plans so will see each other next week. 🤞😊

lifegoes Thanks for sharing the link on Russell, he made sense. An ex is an ex for a reason (whoops, I did say I was getting back with Mr BE) Lol

@TooOldForThis67 but he does say it depends on the state of mind you were ow in when you called it off.

I think I can remember Mr BE, the name always made me laugh. How did he come back around, and why did it end it again?

And most importantly how are you feeling in yourself.

@lifegoes - we split because he canx on me last minute a couple of times and I had other options so easier to walk away rather than talk about it. We were back in communication when MrWow told me he loved me, so I sent him a Dear John msg. More recently he has been trying to call me on and off. I explained I'd got back with MrWow, again, but it's over for good this time.
I feel bad that I'm moving on so quick but hey ho, life's short.

Go @TooOldForThis67 that's the kind of man you need in your life. You have nothing to feel guilty about

@HairyArsedMan

For my part I need to recognise that the small crumbs of affection I had in my long term relationship likely helped me view her affections disproportionately

I needed to read this, thanks

Gah! Any insight please people?
Bumble. Matched 2x already, both times he's unmatched as soon as I messaged. He's just come up again, AND he came up in my top 20 on match.com but he won't respond.
Why would he be like this?

@Originallymeonly I don't know but I'd give up on him!

lifegoes definitely the emotions that confuse everything and stop you making rational decisions. If I'd been another poster watching a bloke posting what I have, receiving the advice I have, and ignoring it all to forgive someone who it will probably not work out with, then I'd be shaking my head and shouting "twat" at my phone 😂
TooOld and Sunshine glad to see you both moving on quickly, best way to get over somebody...

Still not been on a date yet, despite 3 weeks of swiping. They're all arranged for the bank holiday weekend, but it feels like a few have lost a bit of interest as we're not messaging every day now. 2-3 weeks is a long time to wait for a first date. I think next time I only swipe if I'm free within a couple of days, 1 week max.

Had a bit of a random encounter at work this week (I know, I really shouldn't), drinks were involved and things escalated. No dtd though! Anyway, I'm not really attracted to this person, we're just friends and she's loads of fun. What I find odd about me, is that I can't say no to women that come on strong to me, even without real attraction. Is that odd? Or am I being a bit typical bloke? (hopes not)

shouting "twat" at my phone 😂
You had a hidden mike in my house? 😂

I'm joking! You know that saying the opposite of love is indifference? You never went indifferent to her, at least on here. It was just all negative emotion and energy rather than positive

@Originallymeonly because some men swipe right on everyone and dont remeber who they've done it to? Could be anything. Either way.....leave it well alone

@ginmel that is such a good line and so true.

Glad you like it @supercali77

Can apply to lots of things, even work!

Not sure if I can hack all these new conversations. I can't remember who I've spoken to or what about.

Mr Rugby has gone quiet, which is fine. He's pretty far away and although we had an enjoyable late night conversation I think he might be more than I can handle. Also he reminds me of my dm's husband a bit, when I think about it, which is a bit ew.

I have a date planned for Sunday with a really nice iron - we've been messaging for a week or two and met briefly on Sunday. He seems very genuine and straightforward. I will call him Mr Nice. Meeting the man in the poly relationship (Mr Poly, I guess?) next week, I'm in the area anyway so we'll grab a coffee. I think that will be a friends only thing.

New iron from last night I shall christen Mr Joker. Hoping to see him sooner rather than later. He's already asked me out, we just need to discuss logistics.

There's someone else I'm chatting to as well, but I don't know about him yet.

When it rains, it pours? Not too long ago I was only talking with Mr Poly and had been ghosted by 2-3 irons....

@Ant330 I think we all have those moments. But you seem to be clear on her now, which can only be a good thing. We are all learning and sometimes the only way to learn is to actually go through it.

I've just had a brief chat with Mr Dog on the phone and we have arranged our date for tomorrow at a pub just on the outskirts of town. He sounds nice.

The other guy I have been chatting to is still chatting and I'd like to meet him but he's away all weekend. He's not suggested meeting yet but has told me he finds me really easy to talk to and likes me.

There's so few matchable men in my area I swipe right on anyone vaguely attractive who's written something coherent in their bio... But with this one I go Aah not him again about 3 seconds after the swipe and then feel its rude to unmatch...
😒🙄

@Originallymeonly come to think of it thwres a guy like that on tinder in my area. I initially swiped right and he said 'alone on Saturday night' and I said 'in the pub'. There was no more chat. Then he disappeared or unmatched but his profile pic appears in the stack about once a week so I think he deletes and remakes it....though why I've no idea. Doesnt matter if i swipe left or right