Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Sounds positive @marlbs

@stealthninjamum

notcool that’s so uncool! Who just rings!

stealth 😂😂😂

Stealth 😂😂
Notcool ringing out of the blue, that's a definite no for me.
So what is it that when you want likes or matches they seem to be incredibly slim pickings, but when you already having a dilemma as to whether to meet somebody new and/or stick with headfuck girl, new likes from very appealing women carry on appearing. Nice problem to have, but not sure whether matching will just complicate things further.
Sod it, I'm going to sleep. It's pissing it down here now, and I'm supposed to be rock climbing and mountain biking tomorrow 😂

I know right, marls and ant

Who does that!!!! 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

I'll put in a little cheery post to rebalance the thread of doom... Been off the mainland today with DD so hardly had any contact with MrC due to patchy mobile - (never moving to the Scillies btw), so we've had a 2hr phone call tonight and he's asked if DD and I would like to stop at his on Saturday on our way home because he's missed me so much this week 🥰 (even though we spent Sunday and Monday together).

I'll catch up with today's posts tomorrow when we have a lazy day planned - far too much walking, pasty eating and cream tea indulging been going on.

@Jesuisprest love that update! Cheered me up. I’m feeling really low tonight, browsing Mumsnet for something to keep my brain busy. Mr Bucket is a total headfuck. If I post about him again please someone scream at me to keep away! I think I’m coming down with a cold too so I’m very miserable.

Ant talk to the appealing matches!! And please delete Miss HF, it only ends badly

I had my phone interview too, for an hour and a bit, which is actually short for me so think I may talk too much Seems nice, chatty, clever and the right location and situation for me. I’ll call him MrCuff. And also got some calls yesterday from the guy I dated on Saturday, MrRugby who is still keen. Plus a couple of unnamed Irons and of course MrCharmer who I’m not 100% sure is as single as he pretends

BUT zero spark or excitement about any of these lovely stable seemingly sane men who want dates. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not ready after MrHermit connection??

Will give them a chance though, does attraction grow for you guys??

@Ant330 Welcome to Cumbria, you can tell it's summer as the rain isn't going sideways

Mountain biking should be fine, the rain will help was all the mud off

😂😂 Stealth

Lovely update JeSuis. And now I want a cream tea - it's just gone 5 am 😂

I used to send WhatsApp voice messages to irons - men tend to like my voice (they think it's posh - I'm not posh lol) and I liked it if they sent me voice messages - you can tell a lot from a voice! And a phone chat was the first part of the interview process for me ... I'm chatty so they needed to be able to keep up lol

I used to message first on Tinder - particularly if I matched second, iyswim. Would message first on POF too.

Love the name phone interview..I had a bloke as for my number for what's app and 30 minutes later he called me
No warning and then got cross when I cut him off to I moved away from the kids...
Showed me his true colours quickly during conversation..luck escape...
Date2 went ok with Mr posh except he is very old fashioned in his ways but lovely .must by drinks, hold car door open..Doesn't have what's app..Nearest talk to sex is that my outfit didn't give easy access to touch me.... . Will see i have invited him casually to friends drinks tonight but he has a really busy day at work...

Batshit do you know you matched second if it flashes up straight after you swipe? Damn I should have paid more attention ha.
So many profiles say "don't swipe if you're not going to talk" and I just think it works both ways..

@FMFL I have difficulty remembering previous things in the thread hows he a headfuck?

ant hmmm. I dont think you could generally pin it on a confidence issue. Dating/social mores dictate that most women won't approach a man directly. I've seen the argument that this is old fashioned but I think it goes beyond that.

Went swiping on OkCupid late last night after having some wine and ended up chatting with someone very fun and interesting. We moved straight to WhatsApp (wine made me do it) and he's already asked me on a date. He was on the bourbon himself.

We'll see if the cold light of day makes any difference to our keenness.

A few weeks ago I posted about Mr 4 Dates. I invited him to my house after he assured me he wasn't still actively using the apps. Then I found that he was, although he said he hadn't arranged any dates.

He then said he would rather just be friends. And I assumed I wouldn't hear from him again. Wrong!
We met a couple of weeks ago for coffee and a walk....as friends. He's sent me a couple of messages because he remembered something important I was doing.

Then he phoned last night and asked about going away over the weekend together.
I've said yes. But my friends think I'm nuts.

It's a shame he just wants friendship and nothing more as we get on really well.
Or he may just kidnap me and you never hear from me again

@EchoElephant My experience of men just wanting to be friend in OLD is that they want to have their cake and eat it.

I don't think any of us go on dating apps to make friends and while you are spending your time with him, you are not using it to meet someone who wants more.

I'm half joining the doom and gloom - my current iron, I'll call him Mr Smiley, is still on the paid site we met on. We did have the chat last week and I deleted my account but unknown to him, I had another account with no profile info or photo. I know he hadn't been on there since we met and he said he was deleting his account yesterday. He would have to go on there to do it. However he viewed my other profile so called him out on it last night. We haven't dtd yet - it was probably going to be this weekend. It will not be happening now.

@candysroom it's possible that he was looking for other women but I thought I'd just give an alternative view. I was exclusive with Mr R for a few weeks, but hadn't deleted my account. When I finally went on to do it, many weeks later, I had a quick look round out of boredom and spotted the same people there and a couple of newbies. I would never have approached anyone, and after ten minutes deleted my account. I think old can be habit forming. But by all means dump him if you really think he was looking for someone else.

@supercali77 Mr Bucket is blowing hot and cold at the moment. More cold than hot; virtually freezing. I’m struggling a bit to deal with it. If he’s not interested or I’m just an option I’d rather know about it than be ignored. Where are the men who just like you and don’t want to mess you around?!

@FMFL They are the ones we swipe left on...

@Sunshineandflipflops yep depressing but I think you’re right. I’ve been reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl and I’m nodding along with far too many points in that book. He’s mr Unavailable and I’m Miss Self-Sufficient. The ridiculous thing is I’ve lain awake all night regardless, blaming myself for not being right for him. Replaying conversations in my head and beating myself up. I just wish I could put the book into practice and cut my losses.

I'm almost too scared to post on this thread but then realised we all need some positivity.

I've been mainly lurking for ages, I love reading about everyone's lives and it's really given me food for thought on loads of topics.

I joined OLD properly last August just to find an FB or two as I was not long out of a 17 year marriage/19 year relationship.

A year ago today I met a guy, let's call him Mr Water and we're still going strong....I dont know what we are really but whatever it is I'm happy with it.
It started as a one night stand, went to FB and then FWB and I guess that's where we are right now.

I dont want a proper relationship, I cant imagine living with anyone again so it suits me. We meet up twice a week, occasionally go out for meals but mainly its chatting and sex. I have my teenage daughter at home at weekends so we mainly meet midweek and I get weekends as family time.

He's very similar, had a marriage that ended years ago and had some long relationships since bit is happy being single with no one to answer to. He mainly spends his weekends drinking and going to music events.

We are not exclusive and somehow it works (I dont think he's actively looking for someone else to have sex with but knows I need to have my teenage phase now), I've met so many people over the last year, some became FBs but most didnt. I gradually got rid of all my FBs but him over the last few months as I try to simplify my life but somehow have gained 1 but that won't last very long.

Next weekend we're going away for a long weekend (our first) and I'm meeting his family including parents......

There really is someone for everyone, it might take a while but they are out there.

Onwards and upwards, love and hugs to everyone

Sounds brilliant @sortingitout

Just posting this again to remind people we aren't cursed. Reason, season or lifetime?

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Stealth He said he did exactly what you did. I don't think he was looking for anyone else if I'm honest - we spoke for several hours last night and he has asked for me to give him time to make it right and prove himself. I do get that OLD is habit forming - I did similar a while back - I viewed the guy I was seeing and he saw that I was on and finished it so I know how it feels from both sides. We will see.