Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

More Nice Cereal if Mr Rugby's first name is Andrew - beware!

@AverageGuy Well done. Is it even a break up if you've only known her a week?!

Well, she messaged me back (quite calmly) to say she was sorry it was over, but to thank me for my honesty, so perhaps I was worried over nothing.

Thanks to everyone for helping me through this - hugs all round!

Sunshine Given how invested she seemed in me, I'd have to say yes - at least for her.

Guys I’m after more advice - know I’ve asked before but playing on my mind. Mr Bucket = fit af, makes me laugh. BUT definitely a Mr Unavailable. Or Mr RL, who is stable, solvent, no ex issues, no young dc...but a bit older than me and I don’t find him particularly attractive? Do I pursue Mr B knowing it’ll end in my tears but I like him, or let my guard down with Mr RL and hope I like him more as time goes on? Or option C - sack it all off?!

C

To clarify my position : I have decided I want a relationship with someone, not a casual fwb thing. Mr RL offers the former if I want it; Mr B hasn’t had the conversation with me but I very much suspect the latter.

Thanks Ginmel. So you think just let both go and reset?

Remember this

The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

You don't sound excited about mr rl. I like older men and am more interested in who they are not what they look like so actually I'd probably at least have a few dates with him.

But I'm not you 😉

God, yeah maybe just a coffee with Mr RL wouldn’t hurt.

At least then I’d know if there was any connection at all!

Didn't realise you hadn't done that. Nowt ventured nowt gained.

FMFL if you've identified you want a relationship that's a great start. And no point getting involved with someone you don't believe to be on the same page. Unless Mr R is boring you to sleep there's no harm in a coffee to see what's what. The last two short relationships I've had have been with men I wasn't sure I fancied on paper. But the spark was there IRL. There's more to attraction than looks.

For all of you

First date with both FMFL people are very different in person!

Good stuff average

ccgirr no idea what I want! My ideal would be casual exclusive dating with Mr Big 🙈 the idea of a relationship frightens the hell out of me but I don’t think I am cut out for non exclusive FWBs

Lovely ginmel

I quite like JM Storm

Last one

@marlbs you can have exclusive FWBs. All of mine have been happy with that too.

Long time lurker here. Need a little advice on a guy I’m dating.

Been OLD for about 2 years now on and off. Mixed results, nothing special, was seeing a guy for while though.

I have dated this new guy about 7 or 8 times now. Slept together twice. I think he is gorgeous, which is a breath of fresh air after being on several dates after over the last few months with guys I immediately new I didn’t fancy.

First date was great, lots of chat and laughter. He seemed like a fairly shy guy but we had a few drinks and he seemed alright then. He kissed me and was keen to arrange another date. After that I became aware that he was very quiet and not that sure of himself. I don’t mind this and am willing to let things develop naturally, I feel like I do a lot of the conversation starting and he can be a bit awkward but he does make me laugh at times too.

Although recently I have started to feel that I am the driving force behind it and I am not sure if it’s lack of confidence or lack of interest! He doesn’t text me quite as much as he did before and, although he is happy to go on dates when I suggest them, he never suggests them himself. He works odd shifts which doesn’t help so can be asleep at odd times/tired. I can see he is quite a passive guy but o don’t want to keep on at this if he is only half interested and don’t want to give up on it if he is just a bit shy! I don’t think he has a great deal of relationship experience but he does have some.

Should I just ask him? Or would that be to forward? I am sorry people, I know I am over invested but it got off to such a good start!

marls I'm convinced there is someone better than Mr Big out there for you. Whether it's casual or a relationship you said yourself at times there were things missing and that he was perfect on text but didn't live up to that in person.

I think ending things to keep your standards of him not sleeping around (especially with an ex when you had told him this upset you) was absolutely the right thing to do. Our relationships don't have to be conventional. But they shouldn't compromise us.

catnip I'd pull back on him and see what happens. If he's interested he will pursue you. A man doesn't let something he wants pass him by.

@catnip tell him you want him to organise the next date. Someone on here did that recently for the same situation and it worked out well.