Giving up Dating

[joanietaylor]

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

@PennysPocket

Good on you for challenging the wanker. And given his dodgy spelling and grammar, he was clearly thick as shit as well as pervy.

I’m on the verge of deleting all of the apps, as I’ve had absolutely no luck whatsoever online dating. I did have a few disastrous dates in the beginning when I first started using them, but had nothing remotely since. Guys I find nowadays either just want to sext, meet up for sex or just ghost you if you mention meeting up. And the older I get I’m finding it more and more difficult to even find anyone I’m remotely attracted to. Men in general my age see to not take care of themselves or the ones online are totally lying about their age...

However saying this my friend who is 5 years younger than me seems to have no problem meeting up with guys, and seems to have a date every week!

I however am beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me. I’ve not been in a relationship or had a date in years and despair at what is out there! ☹️

Also.. I’ve found out over the years it’s best to block the ones I’m not interested in, as they get aggressive if I try to be polite and say I’m not interested. And the ones I do chat to I find myself saying ‘please be bloody normal!’ but they never are!

I've been online dating on and off for almost five years. I've had lots of dates but have only had "situationships". I tend to take breaks from online dating as I get discouraged but I'm not giving up.

Oh ladies, please allow me to share a story of my own. I matched with someone so local -so for our first date after a long time chatting/talking/flirting he said that he would pick me up. In return, I said that he could come in for one drink.

The man turned up on my door drunk, unwashed straight away from his lunch meeting because he assumed that I was offering him sex. The embarrassment from his side - I do not think that he will repeat that one any time soon.

The photos were good - suited - but I got to meet his representative in a dirty jeans and t-shirt, unwashed and repulsive, disgusting and over weight.

Women have been indoctrinated to accept men simply because they have dicks. We are the game changer - raise the bars and the quality of men will have to match it.

Please don't flame me. I know exactly what I don't want but still searching for what I want.

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks I actually had to google Blue Harbour. First off, I had that little village by the sea in the Quantocks in mind , then I had visions of some cheap car boot aftershave... then I discovered the truth. And understood your point, entirely

I'm actually quite pleased with myself, not knowing about the existence of Blue Harbour up until now...

Just as an additional point - a lot of people speaking quite disdainfully about men that "don't look after themselves", "overweight" etc.. I know there's limits, but is that really such a universal deal breaker?

I'm a couple of stone overweight, my own fault, of course. However, it's probably that, more than anything else, that's stopped me wanting to engage with people online in the first place.

I know there's limits, but is that really such a universal deal breaker?

For me they’re two different things. I don’t have an issue with overweight, however “taking care of oneself” - so clean, well presented, good personal hygiene etc are absolutely a deal-breaker.

I don't want to be a carer to a potential partner. Women have been brainwashed to be one - I don't want to offend, but overweight in a many men goes with self negligent.

I am 48, not have the time to start caring for a man who is not active and FAT!

Ladies, this life is yours, choose it carefully. Problems do not come out of no where, we invite them.

28 and completely given up on the idea of finding love or my soulmate.

Single for over 4 years and counting

Littlemiss I am with you on that one.

My pics are of me looking clean/on a night out/out walking so wrapped up generally I look presentable and like I would if they met me for a date. The pics some blokes but up.... Oh god they look like they have an asbo or spend most of their time with their top off!
I can't count the naked torso in the mirror shots or the ones where they are lying in bed. Or they have a pint in 1 hand a fag in the other and are clearly pissed.

It shows me just how little men care ir respect women it clearly I am man you must want me.

Maybe I should take myself off to the FWR boards 😂

Meow some women regard being overweight - FAT - as a personal affront and are mean to fat people online and in person. These women are also generally mean to people who don't agree with their view of the world full stop. Not all women are like that by any means, please don't let it put you off engaging, you'll only be missing out on the mean ones!

As usual I'm matchmaking on this thread... @CheckingOutTheQuantocks and @ShatnersWig have you considered meeting up?

Just chiming in. I've met great men but no spark. Great men with spark who turned out to be absolute stinkers. Great men with spark that I left behind because of the stinkers. It's a bloody mess out there. Right now I have a 'join them' motto. I'm a virtual workaholic very busy anyway so....why not just multi- date as and when it suits me. In my 40s now and already well past the point of ever wanting to live with a man again

Meow oh, I didn't mean that sort of thing - I just meant taking care to dress well, have some basic grooming going on, not turning up with food stains on their tops, that sort of thing. Being a bit overweight isn't a problem because I'm overweight myself, but I do think that making an effort to make the best of oneself is important.

The drinking thing just seems to be an issue with men of my own age who aren't coupled up. Just a personal observation. But you can always tell when a guy makes a habit of getting pissed a bit too often because they don't look healthy and they have that skinny-with-a-belly thing. It's not attractive to me as someone who only drinks a couple of times a year, and doubtless they'd think I was boring as hell anyway.

So, men wants to be upfront, we should also be upfront with men. I have just had an unsolicited message," Looking to hook up for a sexy fun?"

My replied, "I don't think so! I am not a fan of FAT men!!"

Men have lost ability to communicate with us, we will also lose all respect to communicate with them. If your first message is if you can shag me, my first message is that you cannot shag me, "You're already overweight in your pictures and that's your good pictures. The person in real life is worst..."

Ladies, stop putting up with this BS, that's the NHS job and you are paying for it already!

Pinkdoor I guess I was using men. As they wanted to use me, so it was a way of getting my own back. Get them to buy me dinner, and if I liked them enough I’d see them for a second date, but it was rare. But at least I got something out of it.

fotheringhay Yes you got it about right. I just got a good measure of them first, but they are never quite what you expect when you meet them IRL. But damn right they should buy me dinner, I’m not going out with some creep for nothing.

Just as an additional point - a lot of people speaking quite disdainfully about men that "don't look after themselves", "overweight" etc.. I know there's limits, but is that really such a universal deal breaker?

Everyone has a type, and it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for a lot of women. For me however, I don’t want someone who is overweight, has a beer belly and looks 10 years older than they are. These types of men also tend not very good looking either. To me it shows that they don’t look after themselves. Yes they may be a nice person ect but they will also probably have health issues too. Like someone else mentioned, I don’t want to be someone’s carer at this stage in my life, and I’d rather be on my own than settle.

CassettesAreCool no, it’s not until I got to know the Plumber well as a friend, then he helped me out. The unblocking the toilet comment was a joke in the run up to a meet.

People take OLD far too seriously, it’s meant to be fun.
Re the dinners.. if they think they can get their leg over me, then they have another think coming !

LittleMiss I don't think we should let ourselves sink to their level.

Or I don't want to anyway. With the message you got, I'd have said something like 'Absolutely not' and deleted them.

I'm not ok with fat-shaming, even if they're being dicks.

We can stand our ground by simply dropping them like a stone when they're inappropriate

I did online dating on-and-off for 5 years . Met a persona who actually had Narcissist Personality Disorder - that was a first!!!! (luckily escaped after a few months); another man who was just a weird nasty asshole with weird tastes in sex (this only became apparent after a while - what a misogynist creep, though he presented really well at first). A couple of no-hopers. The only men attractive in my age group wanted women at least 10 years younger, preferably 20. It was an ugly waste of space and I'll never repeat it.

person not persona

Totally agree with @Boltoflightening met my current partner online, but went in with the attitude of having fun and to just chat to dudes. When I got shitty/slimey/pervy comments i just laughed the off. I am a single mother by choice so think that made it easier to not give a shit.

OLD is very hit and miss, but think it's important us women to remember that we are prizes and just because we are single doesn't mean we should settle for crap.

If you find OLD is depressing, then I agree, delete all of the apps.

Depressing reading from those giving up and I would assume there are a million non-incel guys out there feeling the same way too.

Some of my girlfriends who took the longest to meet someone were highly prescriptive about their potential match, down to how they look, dress, talk, skin tone must be olive not too light blah blah blah. I think in the end they had limited it down to 3 people in their city.

Think of it like house hunting, the non-obvious ones can sometimes catch your imagination without catching your eye, you have to go and see them in person, pictures don't always work

I would say, don't give up! Treat it as fun and enjoy the sex as the worst case fall back scenario