Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Giving up Dating

290 replies

joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 17:46

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

OP posts:
Alexisa66 · 13/08/2019 20:03

Women are often attracted to a man's wallet. If he's got bux, it's easier to pull younger women. You know it.

SouthernMan · 13/08/2019 20:08

It's no easier as a man. Getting a reply from a woman is akin to winning the lottery. Single people just don't seem to be out there in the real world anymore. Lonliness is a constant struggle when all you want is a cuddle and a proper chat. Sigh...

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 20:11

They are out there in the real world but just bloody difficult to find. The sort of partner i want most likely wont be found in a club or pub or internet come to think of it.

OP posts:
toffeeapple123 · 13/08/2019 20:13

Alexisa66 er, some women, some men - not the majority.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 20:29

Also throwing in the towel on online dating. I think I'm flogging a dead horse at this point. Doesn't seem to be worth the effort. A few years older than you OP and I get the 55+ messaging me. Closer in age to my dad than I am.

Definitely agree that people have lost the art of how to connect and flirt in real life. It's such a pity. I try and make an effort to chat when out and about but it doesn't seem to work.

SonataDentata · 13/08/2019 20:34

Unlike some on this thread, I do meet men in real life, and used to go on several “real life” dates a month. Unfortunately I found that those men treated me just as badly as those I met through online dating.

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 20:40

@Sonata and @Now how long did you try online dating before you decided that it wasn't working? I read somewhere doing the same thing over again expecting different results is a waste of time or words to that effect. Can't remember if it was a Kati Morton Youtube video or something.

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 13/08/2019 20:46

Just over two years. Some of the men I met two years ago are still on the same sites I met them on... they were seriously odd and in some cases creepy men.

I reason that if I can’t find someone in my mid to late 20s, when I do get a lot of attention, it’s almost certainly game over.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 20:55

I first started about 7 years ago. Had some success then. On and off this time about 2 years.

I did meet a great guy but circumstances won't allow it to be more than the casual situationship we've be doing for the last 18 months. We live in different countries amongst other things. He's originally from my home town. We were away together a few weeks ago and I called time on it.

I have been trying to meet someone local all along. Not an exclusive thing with above guy. I just can't seem to crack it.

I know a good few single women my age in the same boat.

JK1773 · 13/08/2019 20:55

I’ve given up on the idea of a relationship altogether. I escaped an awful 7 year relationship about 4 years ago. Since then I’ve had one relationship that was never really going anywhere but he seemed like a decent guy until he treat me like shite. Since then I’ve no interest in meeting anyone. I’m not prepared to give up my time and I don’t want sex. I’m happier on my own. I feel like at 44 it might not be the case forever but I can’t be bothered right now and I don’t care if I never meet anyone. My biological clock has all but run out which is the biggest regret of my life but I’ve come to terms with that. It’s a shame that life hasn’t turned out how I wanted or expected but I’m at peace with myself generally and that’s not a bad thing

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 20:57

I think i have been more than patient then. I have tried about 5 years on and off between breaks and although met people none i fancied. I gave the apps a go but they were equally crap. Maybe its just my location.

OP posts:
Dinks66 · 13/08/2019 21:00

I read on here some time ago, that only the avoidant men go on dating sites. All the secure ones plod through life without the need to go on them. I joined Meetup. I've booked myself to go bowling with random people in September. There's a few nice looking men, maybe this is the way forward?

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 21:04

Been a to a few meetup events but sadly they have discontinued a lot in a my area.

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 13/08/2019 21:06

That’s interesting, Dinks66, and would make a lot of sense.

I know so many wonderful single women with so much to offer. I don’t understand it.

fotheringhay · 13/08/2019 21:09

My people! Flowers to you all

I'm developing a strategy, in the tiny corner of my mind that can be arsed thinking about it, based on deliberately increasing or shifting my circle of friends/acquaintances towards the type of man I want, in the hope they'll introduce me to eligible single ones

Right now I tend to just spend time with fun younger friends or other single women my age (early 40s)

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 21:19

@fotheringhay that's an interesting strategy. Will definitely be interested in hearing how it goes when you put it into practice.

Liverpoolarefab · 13/08/2019 21:20

I agree , I'm 45 been OLD on and off for 4 years - but not met one decent bloke! I think I may have to give up as I just don't have the enthusiasm for it anymore , and if it's not fun - what's the point ?!?! What I don't u understand though is where are all the single guys my age - there must be some surely !!!!!

fotheringhay · 13/08/2019 21:26

Isn't it so weird these days - I live in a big exciting city and I bet there are a hundred or more men within 5 miles of me who I could have a great relationship with. We could pass each other on the street dozens of times but due to strict convention, we can't just random stop them walking past, even if we could identify the suitable ones from just a glimpse.

How have we got to the point where we're surrounded by thousands of people but we're only allowed to talk to the ones we already know? It's madness

CognitiveDissonance · 13/08/2019 21:32

I'm 34 and I've given up too :(
I have a fulfilling life in lots of other ways but I'm so incredibly lonely.

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 21:47

I honestly hope i don't reach old age to be honest. I have had enough. Makes me sad that so many other people feel lonely they haven't found someone.

OP posts:
NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 21:55

I have some lovely friends, keep myself pretty busy in the evenings and am not despondent that I am single but I would like to meet someone at some point.

Does anyone else find that if you are chatting to a member of the opposite sex that they think you are interested in more than chatting? I'm a fairly friendly sort and love talking to new people but I find quite often they get the wrong idea.

Are people so unused to random conversations that they think you have some sort of agenda?

SonataDentata · 13/08/2019 21:55

It’s simultaneously reassuring and depressing to hear from others in the same boat. I’ve eschewed routine medical tests in the vague hope my miserable, pointless life won’t drag out any longer than necessary. If I meet someone I’ll get back on it.

SonataDentata · 13/08/2019 21:57

NowYouListenToMeFella - I get that feeling more from the partners of some of my male friends. They don’t like me...

fotheringhay · 13/08/2019 21:58

No no Sonata you're too important, you must look after yourself! Flowers

crappyday2018 · 13/08/2019 22:00

Here here! I've done OLD on and off for 2 years. I had zero luck for months other than younger men who wanted to sext or just have sex. I then finally met someone who I dated for 8 months but he turned out to be a lying alcoholic. I lost count in the number of guys who I'd message with for a while and then they would just disappear. I then had a few dates and just ended things with someone I dated for 10 weeks because he turned out to be needy and desperate.
I'm 43 and I do believe most guys around my age (certainly over 40) who are actually decent, don't use the apps. No idea how you actually meet them though!

Swipe left for the next trending thread