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Original poster

Giving up Dating

290 replies

joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 17:46

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

OP posts:

crappyday2018 · 18/08/2019 10:04

My theories on the men who are keen, ask for your number and want a date, then disappear:

they bottle it
they're not actually single
they have multiple others they are talking to and decide to stick with another

I'm pretty sure a good number of the 'cocky' guys that have messaged me actually shit their pants at the thought of actually meeting up!

I've also had a few that have been clear they're after FWB type thing and even when I've been ok with that, they think they can just turn up at my house without meeting somewhere first!! erm no way.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 10:41

Before I deleted the apps. I was messenging a guy who seemed nice none pervy and asked for my number to chat on the phone.
He called and we chatted for 20 minutes and we were getting on great.
He asked to meet that afternoon so I said yes. He said he had his 2 yo DS with him so I said erm OK we can go to a local park.
Then the convo went like this.

Him: if we go to the park where will we have fun?
Me: Well the park is fun it's pretty new..
Him: yeah but where can we go to fool around?
Me: Erm don't you have your son with you?
Him: yeah. OK we can come back to mine and have proper fun.
Me: what with your son there?!?!?!
Him: yeah he's 2 he won't notice.
Me: end call and block.

I mean there is a poor mum out there who thinks her son is in the safe care of his father for the weekend but actually daddy is just wanting to shag random women in front of him!
Made me want to vomit.
That's when I deleted the apps.

MeowTseTung · 18/08/2019 10:41

I've only been off OLD for three days. I'm starting to miss it now...

I've been thinking about my overall strategy, I think I've been putting way too much emphasis on why other people wouldn't be interested in me instead of why they could be (I don't think I'm all that bad really). I've been far too selective. So, much as I hate the idea of the numbers game I guess that has to be the way to go. Time to be a bit more proactive.

I've dusted off and freshened up the POF account I forgot I had. See how it goes.

(And, screw it, I'm off to look nervously approachable to my local Costa for an Americano. Feel free to say hi to anyone that fits that description).

Watchingthyme · 18/08/2019 10:44

@PennysPocket
That’s grim
Really grim

MeowTseTung · 18/08/2019 10:46

@pennyspocket that's hideous, if that's remotely typical of the type of bloke that frequents OLD I'm not surprised you've ditched it (and him).

Id quite like to create a fake female profile just to see what you have to put up with...

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 10:51

Screen shot attached of a whats app exchange this morning.
I started chatting to this guy while on the app last week and we have exchanged the odd text every other day or so. Just general chit chat. I was actually going to ask him to meet me today... Not going to bother now.

MeowTseTung · 18/08/2019 10:54

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 10:57

Oh it's apparently my fault now as I am grumpy and it was just a joke..

Why would anyone want to date on line its fucking depressing.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 11:04

Now it's because of my period... Barnsley at home comment

CassettesAreCool · 18/08/2019 11:08

Penny IME he was being at least a little bit subtle initially and you could easily have swerved it and carried on with something else to talk about. He would have taken that hint I think and realised it was too soon. This is why meeting up quickly to see if there is any chance that in future you might conceivably be interested in the state of his member is a good idea. I'm not saying you could have met him already of course, and obviously now it's too late anyway. Sorry, doubt that helps

CassettesAreCool · 18/08/2019 11:11

Didn't see your third screenshot. Love the Barnsley metaphor (take it they wear red?). But you're just being equally offensive to each other so why not just delete and block?

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 11:17

Cassette I am fed up of men I don't know thinking I care about their dick. There was nothing subtle about his morning glory.

Then because I won't stand for it he makes offensive comments about my period.
You may be OK to chat to arseholes who have no respect for women. Me I want better than that. I am not desperate enoight to accept that crap.

MeowTseTung · 18/08/2019 11:36

Clearly pretty much par for the course male OLD procedure nowadays. Even though that sounds relatively tame compared with other men online it's still a little tragic.

Who am I kidding, Match can stay deleted and PoF can join it.

CassettesAreCool · 18/08/2019 11:43

Penny I think you've done the right thing in deleting the apps then, at least for a while. It is a numbers game and talking to weirdos/men who literally can't string two words together in the hope of finding a good one is exhausting. If it's not fun, stop.

Thanks for the implied insult by the way!

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 18/08/2019 13:45

Meow I know how you feel, I go through phases of thinking "Well, maybe OLD didn't work last time, but if I'm not even on it how will I ever meet anyone?" Turning 40 this year finally put paid to those thoughts for me. I feel like I have practically zero chance of finding a man my own age who would be interested in me, who doesn't want kids, and who at least makes a nod towards looking after himself. I'm nothing to look at, but I do like to dress nicely and I don't really drink. Too many of my male contemporaries seem to just give up and all wear Blue Harbour, and have beer guts from boozing too much.

crappyday2018 · 18/08/2019 13:52

@PennysPocket wow, he sounds delightful. I think you did right to tell him where to go. To be honest, I just immediately block any guy who turns the convo to either sex or his manhood in any way. Its easy to get angry and worked up about it but I try not to let it get to me.
I wouldn't let any future bloke get to you like that, just block immediately!

crappyday2018 · 18/08/2019 13:54

@ChckingOutTheQuantocks Too many of my male contemporaries seem to just give up and all wear Blue Harbour, and have beer guts from boozing too much hahaha, sorry but that is so funny and TRUE!!

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 18/08/2019 14:28

I usually used to just block guys like that too Penny but tbh I wish I had challenged them more often, like you did. More of them seem to need telling that it's not acceptable to start talking about having a wank in bed to a woman you've been chatting with for less than 24 hours.

Pinkdoor · 18/08/2019 14:35

Just met a friend for coffee moaning about how hardly anyone messages me online and said 'Is it because I am ugly?!' and a young woman walking past interrupted 'no you are NOT!' I love her. ♥️

fotheringhay · 18/08/2019 14:57

I'm wondering if the future lies in friends of friends... then at least then men would come recommended.

I'm going to shamelessly put the word out I think

JacquesHammer · 18/08/2019 15:00

I’ve never done OLD because I’m not interested in dating.

However I did get called frigid on the train a few months back because I dared to turn down (very politely but firmly) a chap who tried it on 🙄

Ironically I was on the way home from seeing the FWB.

Arseholes. Everywhere.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 15:03

Checking for the first few weeks OLD I did just ignore and block but then they just move on to the next one and behave the same way.
Today I have had enough of them thinking this is OK.
I doubt my rant will have made much difference to him but I feel better for calling him out and saying no.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 15:05

then at least then men would come recommended.

Maybe a dating site that rates your date... Like... Messaged this guy really lovely to chat to but no spark... Or avoid this one he just talks about his hard on 🤣

MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/08/2019 15:15

Ugh so many OLD convos with men that just tail off to nothing, or with long gaps as they're having multiple chats or they baulk when you suggest a meet up. I think a lot of them are partnered or just looking for an ego trip or sliding into sexting for a good wank.

fotheringhay · 18/08/2019 15:15

Pennys the more women who challenge them the better, well done!

And yes, the advice I could give on my local tinder/bumble crop! A friend matched with one of my previous dates and I was able to give her the low down (sweet guy, don't bother having sex with him )

I wish that existed

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