Giving up Dating

[joanietaylor]

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

Oh I forgot, there was decent kind of guy, but I don't know if we were really 'matched' and he never 'pursued' me so there was my answer anyway!

I think if you are a certain kind of person you can treat it as 'fun' and 'enjoy the sex', but for some women - lets say of a sensitive nature - it is often tortuous, demeaning, and depression.

koffeetoast it’s to be treated as a game. I have an image in my head of me pinning their scrotum down on the floor with my stiletto heel. 😂 Yes you are their Prize, and they only deserve you when they have ticked all your boxes. And remember the men are desperate, not the women.

boltof I am not particularly sensitive so I do find it fun - mostly - but I don't think of it as a game. These are people. I want men to treat me with the respect I deserve and demand, so I treat them with respect in return. If that is not reciprocated, I call them out on it but I have never, ever openly insulted someone on OLD and have never been insulted, except to the extent that what some men find acceptable, I don't. So I have never had anything like the exchange that someone posted earlier.

I had a debate with a man on Friday night. He said he wanted to spit on certain parts of my body (more or less his opening gambit lol). I told him that was disrespectful and unappealing. He said that's what he likes doing. I said I found it difficult to imagine any woman wanting that. He was really polite in asking if he could call me (he had my number) so we could discuss it. I declined his offer and we parted on civil terms. There's nowt so odd as folk. It's one of the things I find fun.

Bolt sorry, but that's really not the way I want to conduct my personal life, treating other people with contempt and being careless with their feelings. That is exactly the sort of attitude that's put me and many others off even putting ourselves out there.

Ha ha ha strange bloke tells me he has a hard on and makes derogatory reference to my periods yet I insulted him 🤣🤣 love it.
I was talking about shepherd's pie ffs when he mentioned his dick 🤔

My PoF (and Bumble, I forgot I had that too) is no more...

It's been enlightening hearing of all your experiences though and it's hammered home just how completely naive I've become about dating nowadays (after all it's been going on 20 years since I was last dating).

I had no idea of the sort of weirdness you routinely seem to receive on a regular basis. How would I? I'm not on the receiving end of it. Heck, maybe i should have just gone with the flow and tried it myself , at least I might have had some excitement out of it all. I don't blame anyone for playing the players at their own game though, equally I don't blame anyone for being completely jaded by the whole shebang.

Hope you all eventually find what you're looking for...

@TemporaryPermanent I think you have your work cut out trying to matchmake me! Fat, stroppy, menopausal women are very much a niche market, although doubtless there will be a presence somewhere on the dark web.

penny He made a veiled reference, at which point you could have stopped communicating or politely told him that’s not what you want and why. Instead you went off the deep end, he then insulted you, you then insulted him

I've just deleted all my apps too... Tinder got me a dick pick, POF got me messages from guys clearly lying about their age (or who have been smoking crack for the last 10 years) and one guy who suggested a drink if his pre-arranged plans didn't come off (off you fuck mate), eHarmony, Match and Bumble resulted in nothing...

I'm 39... having walked away from a 16yr relationship, I just wanted to have a bit of fun - and I couldn't even get that!!

I have also given up!
I can’t be bothered
I like doing my own thing and don’t really feel bored or lonely
I also just given up the concept of having sex with someone until my gynae issues are sorted out. Not exactly an attractive prospect and I just have not met anyone I fancy at all for ages

It's not much different on the apps I'm on for gay/bi men - Grindr and Gaydar. I'm also on Tinder. Why the hell do so many men think it's OK to send unsolicited cock pics I don't know, it just isn't a turn on for this gay guy. Neither are pics where they're showing their muscly chests, ones where they've been photoshopped, filtered pics from Snapchat, passport type ones...on Grindr you're allowed not to have pics of you - why would you have a faceless pic unless you've something to hide? As NowYouListenToMeFella said upthread, 'Any man who has a nice bio, decent clear photos and says more than 'hi gorgeous' will be streets ahead of many of the others on the dating sites'.

Still, I have got a date lined up with someone from Tinder the week after next, my first date for years. I've been on Tinder for over a year but very rarely get matched (and I do swipe right quite often). I'm quite nervous but excited at the same time.

@westisbest1982 hope your date goes well 😊

you could have stopped communicating or politely told him that’s not what you want and why. Instead you went off the deep end, he then insulted you, you then insulted him

Why should I be polite to a strange man who makes references to his hard on?
Christ are you polite to all perverts?

I had already said at the start of our conversation that I was not in to perverts weirdos or dick pics.
Too bloody right I went off the deepened. More women should instead being doormats and allowing poor men to get away with this crap. Maybe if more women stood up and said not only no but why its a no these dirt bags would learn women are not just holes to shag.

You clearly view on OLD and what's acceptable behaviour differently to me Cass and that's fine but please don't ever tell me to be polite to a strange man who makes sexual comments towards me.

I find post menopause I have no interest in men whatsoever which is bloody annoying as I could have my pick of at least 4 male friends but I'm just not into it any more. You get to the point you aren't interested and then they all come along like buses ffs.

The focus on OLD is a bit bizarre to me (and I’m in my early thirties). I’ve never used OLD and probably never will; I don’t think it’s good for you and brings out the worst in a lot of people (even though realistically it’s just a tool to help you meet people). People you meet irl; can –objectively speaking- not tick all boxes and you’ll probably manage to overlook that.

And a bit of realism. There is no such thing as ‘the one’, and really once you hit a certain age (give or take your early twenties) I think it’s a bit unreasonable to expect grand romantic gestures/your own epic love story. I think you’re better off doing some activities that you enjoy. E.g: I was very surprised that when I started my German class that it was practically all women. Or for men; a cycling meetup (or similar) seems to be a good bet. Only if you’re interested off course, maybe you’ve always wanted to ride Maratona. That said relationships aren’t for everyone, quite a few people are happier alone. Society wants you to believe otherwise.

penny I’m happy to agree to differ. I’m polite to everyone, even perverts, but I also, as I explained, call men and women out equally on bad behaviour. If the worst insult or abuse that you ever suffer is some loser hoping you’ll be interested in his pathetic hardon, you are a FAR luckier woman than me.

If the worst insult or abuse that you ever suffer is some loser hoping you’ll be interested in his pathetic hardon, you are a FAR luckier woman than me.

Oh I don't know being raped at 19 and beaten black and blue by abusive ex at 23 didn't feel very lucky.
You be polite to perverts all you like but don't you dare put me down because I won't.

I found it an almost soul destroying experience. The vast majority of men were filth & regardless of what they said in their profiles basically just wanted sex asap. It's not for me.

@Molteni because some people can’t get out and meet people in real life!

Its true crappy some people can't get out and meet people in "real life", so its good for them. Unfortunately, such people, of which I include myself, can be a vulnerable target for all the self-entitled tossers that are out there.

Downunder I found it soul destroying also. Probably not cos they wanted sex especially, just they were such awful specimens of the human race - and you have no real way of knowing until you meet them and - if you get that far - get to know them (ugh).

crappyday2018 I see. Still the slim chance of meeting someone does not seem to outweigh the barrage of unsolicited penises though, or more generally people treating you badly for no reason. Nobody deserves that.

I can't remember a time when I was alone ... you might think I am lucky but sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about what my man wants or needs. I live with 2 men my husband and son ... it is not hell on earth but I can't watch any progammes I want to on tv because they want to watch the sports channel or Peaky Blinders. They look on me as there waitress, cook and general dogsbody. I am banished to the spare bedroom to watch my music channels or netflix Sometimes I wish I had waited before I got married in my early 20s because I did want a career but that all went out of the window when my children arrived. That is the end of my moan for day >>>>>>

moan for today

I split with my ex just over a year ago, but there was some texting and one more meet in December. I didn't leave him because I wanted someone'better', I left because he irritated the life out of me, and I couldn't continue, he was not a 'bad' bloke. I gave it many years which unfortunately was to my detriment, as I'm now 58, and am slowly resigning myself to a life alone, he has found someone else already.

I have joined meet-up groups and I have a lovely time, however, I'll not meet a man on there, at least the groups I'm with it's not a possibility.

I am lonely, very lonely, but I was lonelier in my relationship. I think I was brave at 57 to break up with someone, many would have stayed. My emotional well-being was worth more than the 'security'.

I've looked at OLD, but cannot bring myself to listen to BS. I just want normality, no fine wine/restaurant frequenters or round the world yachtsmen, just someone to mooch around with, people watching/coffee shops and a little bit of travelling. Is that too much to ask?!