Giving up Dating

[joanietaylor]

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

Checking do it.
Animals are better than people anyway

I've now got 5 days to myself as dc are at their dad's. I'm going to a meetup social tomorrow evening and seeing a friend Sunday but not much else planned. Saw exh when I dropped the kids and it's hard not to think a dead marriage is better...but I know it's not and I was so unhappy in it.

Onwards and onwards!

Don't blame you op, it's just a grass is greener mentality now. Everyone is after something better all the time.

Some of the age comments in this thread are pretty shit.

What comments do you mean, Piggle? I think I only mentioned age because it seemed relevant to the problems I've had with finding someone that I would want to go out with - I want to date a man roughly my own age because I just don't feel attracted to much older men. That's not to say they can't be attractive to anyone else, but we are allowed to have preferences. I imagine all the women in their 50s and 60s are having a hard time trying to find men interested in them too, because the ones their age are chasing women in their 30s.

Piggle23 no one is saying anyone is past it or too old to date. The comments I made in relation to age were about men 20+ years my senior or men in their early 20s messaging me. I'm 39. Ideally I would like to date someone in and around my own age. My range was 5 years younger to 10 years older.

This thread terrifies me. I've just come out of a 10 year relationship. I'm not ready for dating get but was going to make a profile when I was. Now I'm thinking maybe I'll just stay single forever!!

Simonfromharlow don't let this thread put you off online dating. You'd never know you could meet someone great or just some nice people. I did meet nice people when I was first online.

I just seem to be having no luck now. So I have decided to give it a rest. No doubt I'll get the itch and gave another go at some point.

This isn't intended to be a 'gloom fest' as was mentioned on the dating thread. People are just sharing reasons why they are taking a hiatus. I'm sure everyone who posted has met lovely people and had lovely dates at some point.

@NowYouListenToMeFella I probably will dabble a bit don't worry! That post was a little tongue in cheek! Haha

I think this thread can come across as 'gloom and doom' but, if nothing else, it equips newbies to the realities of OLD.

I do think if OLD is approached in the right way, you're more likely to get something out of it. Many people (me included) sign up to them full of hope and expectation and it can really knock you down. Being aware of all of the pitfalls is the best way to start out.

Obviously I have been burned twice in the last year by men who I met on OLD but I suppose, if nothing else, its taught me a few lessons.

@Simonfromharlow I've just come out of a two year relationship and have joined Tinder as I feel it will take me quite a while to meet someone so I am just taking it as it is, no rush to meet anyone. A lot of matches and conversation that dwindles out but I am not bothered.

It can get quite tedious though I have to say. At the moment my profile is hidden for that reason.

So don't feel disheartened.

Ive just left a marriage with a young child. ive accepted that is it for me. No more relationships too much hassle

OLD is a bit like diet clubs. Neither have the legs for long-term.

I haven't yet tried my new tactic of hanging out in cafes nonchalantly reading a book and looking approachable. Fingers crossed for that

But my poor friend has just this evening experienced the classic Extremely Keen Then Cancel At The Last Minute move. I think they get off on the power or something

Yeah what is it with that?

Before I deleted the app I was chatting to a guy, really funny, interesting asked the right questions and not a creepy pervert. After 2 days he asked for my number so we could chat on WhatsApp and arrange to meet.
Said sure, gave him it and he promptly blocked me .

Seems collecting phone numbers was his prize or something.

I’ve done OLD for about 8 years, and as a female I’ve had the time of my life. I was on about 3 different sites, but not all at the same time, although some big sites automatically put your profile on smaller sites. I developed a strategy.. never give your phone number nor your address. chew em up and spit them out .. I’d chat for a while on site and then I would insist they take me out for a drink or better still, a meal, and then of course, the men would expect sex in return. I would say, “of course, next time” then I’d block them on the site.

Eventually I met a few men who are now in my “harem” good friends and help me enormously in many ways. One of these men on his profile said he was a plumber (and he really is) and said on his profile that he would help with anything round the house. I said “oh good, you can unblock my toilet then “, I met up with him and he’s now one of my best friends..

So there you go, a positive story, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, I don’t regret being on the sites at all, in fact it’s enhanced my life.

While I sympathise- this conversation is much worse when you are 52 and realise that you have spent the best part of your life with the wrong person and to boot it all, lost one of your children. (Careless I know)

I went on an OLD date earlier this week. It was so boring. It was very very dull and he was apparently utterly oblivious to that fact the conversation wasn't on fire. When I ducked his advances at the end of the night he kept trying and I eventually just let him aggressively kiss me while I tried to keep a straight face and not laugh at how ridiculous it was. He asked me on a second date the next day which I politely declined. Within 30 seconds he replied asking for no strings sex as he was 'feeling the attraction' and that I'd made him 'really horny'. Could've been worse I suppose, but I am annoyed I let him attack my face because it felt impolite to not 'let' him kiss me (three times).

Oh and something else which pissed me off - I like a cigarette when I drink (which I was doing a fair bit off to take the edge off my first date in over two years). He did too.

I noticed he'd finished his packet of cigs so I offered mine, and he kept taking them which was annoying enough. Towards the end of the night I said, 'would you like another?' To which he said, 'oh I could open my new packet I suppose'.

How rude! He'd repeatedly helped myself to my fags having had a full fresh packet on him.

(I know I need to say no more)

@boltoflightening are you saying you purposefully used men to just buy you dinner? Or do you mean you blocked men you didn't get on with and a free dinner was just a consequence of dating?

Or do you mean you deleted the ones who demanded sex on the first date, to weed them out, and kept going with the ones who didn't?

Pinkdoor Good Lord that date was appalling! Poor you!

gnostick

boltof if what you are saying is that you have used people to pay for you/do your plumbing for free then I’m sorry I think that’s unacceptable - OLD, real-life dating, whenever. Although there are some massive creeps out there, a lot of men on OLD are the same as the women posting here - lonely, panicked, unsure, lost.

Re the age thing. I’m 56 and have no problem meeting men OLD of my own age, well between 50 and 60. There are loads of that age I’m sure I don’t meet because they are chasing 30 year olds. Their loss, not mine.

That said, I look at OLD as a way of making friends and having sex. I don’t anticipate meeting a life partner there, which is fine by me as, for the moment at least, I don’t want one.

Sitting here nodding in agreement with so many of the posts on this thread. I too have just deleted the dating apps after a spectacularly bad run of meeting arseholes.

I agree that there is definitely a ‘grass is greener’ mentality amongst a lot of the men. I was recently seeing someone that I met on Bumble for just under three months and walked away after finding out he was very much still keeping his options open/dating other women despite telling me we were ‘exclusive’ and that he saw a future for us.

Prior to him the other guys I’d met were players/commitment phobes or sleazes just looking for a quick shag. These are men in their mid to late thirties who seem to have no intention of settling down despite saying in their profiles that they want a relationship.

It’s bloody exhausting.