Giving up Dating

[joanietaylor]

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

Craptop I call the the conveyor belt syndrome. People will pass by those they would probably date if they met in real life because there is a constant stream parading before you. He'/She's OK but let's see who else there is. It's all "there'll be another one along in a minute"

I've given up too. I only seem to meet one extreme or the other on OLD,. Either they just want NSA or they become obsessed and want to spend every minute together. The last guy I dated turned up at my house one night (he lived 1.5 hours away!) because I didn't answer his text message quickly enough then when I said we should maybe cool it a bit he sent me a selfie with a mouth full of pills and a bottle of whisky in his hand! After that I decided enough is enough.

I went on my first online date at the age of 28. I was 48 when I met the guy I just described. 20 years!!! Yes I have had relationships out of it but only three were what I would call "proper" relationships. 2 of those fizzled out after a year or so. 1 lasted 5 years but he was an abusive asshole and I should have left him sooner but just didn't want to be on my own again, as I knew what was waiting for me. The idea of going back to OLD was more depressing than staying with him!

But I really can't do it any more. 20 years is more than long enough to say I gave it a go. It makes me a bit sad but I do think my life has become easier and less stressful now I'm not chasing a partner.

Just to give you all some hope...
I felt EXACTLY the same 4 years ago. Internet dating made me miserable. I did a lot of chatting on tinder and match. It freaked me out that people online were judging me just as I was judging them. I had various short relationships from OLD that went absolutely nowhere. The people I spoke to online did not match up with my expectations in person. It was soul destroying, and made me anxious and depressed.

I decided to completely give up on it, deleted everything. I focused on finding love elsewhere. Love of the world, nature, art, my friends, my family. I went out and did stuff, hung out with people that made me feel good, and tried new activities and sports.

I met my now partner in the pub and we have been very happy for four years. He never did OLD. I’m not saying I was never lonely when I was single, but I decided to become in charge of my own happiness, and didn’t put the focus on finding a partner to complete me.

Your matches are all out there, just go and enjoy yourselves. We are all much more attractive when we are having fun!

I was 34 by the way!

I refused to ever do online dating. Met my partner when I was 38 and he 36. In real life. Which had complications initially (worked together. He then moved abroad for 3 months, was divorcing ex) but all fine now.

Don't 'give up' hoping you'll meet someone but I'd give up online personally.

I don’t work with any men.
No one has chatted me up in a pub for 20 years.
I don’t know any friends of friends who are single. I barely see my married friends.

Where else is there. I don’t really have a hobby, I’ve never really enjoyed them. I like doing things, but mainly revolve around eating a drinking.

Cheeseandjam1 I do go out and do things and have plenty of fun in my life. I'm not sitting in wailing that I haven't met someone.

I'm just not doing OD anymore. Will try and pay more attention to real life situations and see what comes of that. I've not gone off men or anything I just find for me OD doesn't work.

Sheesh.....I understand this thread completely. Having found myself single 4 years ago at aged 50, you can't imagine how awful that was. I can honestly say it was hell on the dating apps. So many flakey men out there. I have probably, in the last 4 years gone out on near 100 dates. Some really nice men, some nutters, some that hardly spoke on the date, some who wouldn't shut up about how they hated their ex-wives. After some therapy, some thinking I decided I was going to be happy alone with great friends. I took up a new hobby (drumming) at 53. It was the best thing I have ever done. I am very happy with my life and free of the all consuming fear of being alone because I like my single life. Then "he" came along just as I was about to delete all dating apps, another drummer, younger than me....its early days yet but....if it works out, great, but I am so happy living my single life I am no longer stressing anymore. Moral of the story? Just create a fantastic full life for yourself....if you meet someone then he must step up to match your great new life. If not.......NEXT!

@ShatnersWig my brother is in the same boat as you in that he looks a lot younger than his actual age. He is nearly 40 and on a recent holiday had an attractive 22 year old chasing him. The shock on her face when she discovered his age. I’ve had it relayed to me that woman his age avoid dating him due to his youthful looks. He has been single for 5 years with the occasional date and only one OLD date during that time. He quit OLD just after Easter.

I’ve made him aware of this thread and now have a better understanding when he says the weekends are a killer.

Watchingthyme how about a cookery course, or wine/whisky tasting?

Agree with all of this thread. I also look much younger than my age (prob will catch up with me soon), so men looking for below 40 wouldn't choose me online, as I'm over that, but are much more likely to consider me 'in the flesh' as it were

I did OLD when I got divorced, so I was about 29. I only got messaged by men over about 39/40, and even a guy of 55! I also wear glasses which apparently is very off-putting, as several men messaged to tell me how ugly they made me. I did see a couple of much older men from OLD for a while and I wish I hadn't bothered.
However, I did do a paid OLD (one of the nicer ones) and I met DH on it. He was very disillusioned about OLD; he isn't over 6ft and it was getting him a lot of knock backs.

Cheese do you think we all sit at home bemoaning out lot? No, most of us have hobbies, friends, work, activities. We just never meet any single people. Or, on the very rare chance we do, there is some deal-breaker or they don't fancy us.

100% relate. I'm 42. Single Mum by choice to 1 DC. I think I only wanted a relationship to have a child anyway, but then figured I could do that on my own.

I have utterly zero interest in a relationship.

@fotheringhay
Tried both of those! No luck really.
I think I just need to be less fat!

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.
Anyone else relate?

Yep. It's a bit hit and miss. But I love being single and wouldn't want the commitment of a conventional relationship.

I find the thing I like about being alone is not having to compromise. Even over silly little things like where to go out and eat or what film to watch. I can just do whatever I want whenever I want (within reason!). I was always too much of a “people pleaser” in the past and especially so in relationships. I think it is probably better for me overall to be alone.

@Cheeseandjam1

“Your matches are all out there, just go and enjoy yourselves. We are all much more attractive when we are having fun!”

Thanks for this gem. I’m sure it was meant well. But come on. We’re on here bemoaning the trials tribulations of OLD. We don’t need to be told to enjoy ourselves.
FWIW, I reckon I’ve been on in excess of 50 dates. Mainly with (thankfully) pleasant and nice men, but for whatever reason I didn’t fancy them, they did or said something that put me off, they didn’t fancy me etc...
Oh and please no one say, you’ll meet someone when you least expect it. 😱

My online profile is very honest, none of my pictures have bunny ears etc. I'm nearly 50 but most people when meeting me think I'm late 30s, very fit and toned. Got a fabulous career. My own house, no mortgage, my children are all over 18. So I only need sex and an occasional plus one. Men don't seem to be able to handle this. They like the idea of it, but they end up always wanting more! I love shooting fish in a barrel or POF as it's better known 😂
So yes I'm also done with OLD
Especially now the 60 year old grandads have started messaging me

@Now deleted them. Not going back on!

It certainly begins to affect your self esteem when you mainly get messaged by coffin dodgers. Plenty of Freaks can go to hell, the number of nutters i met off there i could write a book lol

I'm 43 so I stopped bothering with Tinder and Bumble. This is because there is an age range and most men around my age want younger women. I found POF marginally better because you don't necessariliy have the age restriction. I don't look my age and a few guys in their late 30s messaged me, even though they would have put their age range of Tinder as 40 max.
I'm off them all now anyway and won't be going near them again for a good few months.

I don't think I'll ever go near the free ones again. I'd want a serious relationship (it's connection I miss, much more than sex actually), and I don't think

Oops!

Basically I think the free sites are so flooded with fuckboys that you could go on a hundred dates and not find one who wants to settle down. Life's too short!

I feel the same, I am 43 and while I get a lot of matches they never progress to a conversation and if they do it is not stimulating enough. I have joined fabswingers for sex when I feel like it and have settled on two FBs.

Closed my match account last night. One less coffin dodger for womankind to worry about