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Original poster

Giving up Dating

290 replies

joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 17:46

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

OP posts:
Persea · 15/08/2019 07:25

What decent paid ones are there though?
I’m not convinced they’re much better.
I’m currently on Guardian Soulmates (terrible name and it’s crap! - this is the one where I keep getting blokes who ignore my age range). I’ve tried e-harmony in the past (also crap name and equally crap).
But I’m open to hear if anyone has had any good experiences on paid ones.

AnneKipanki · 15/08/2019 07:47
Biscuit
MeowTseTung · 15/08/2019 07:50

Identical experiences across all sites. It's the same pool of people, ultimately.

(And, talking of EHarmony, anyone else think their current TV ad campaign using the super-super-hot young attractive and suggestive models is pretty laughable?)

AnneKipanki · 15/08/2019 07:57

There is an OLD thread on Mumsnet.
Reading that certainly puts you off .
There have been some successes though.

PennysPocket · 15/08/2019 07:59

I deleted the apps last night.
4 weeks of perverts, creeps, men who cannot say more than 1 word no matter how much I try, the fake photos, the ones who clearly just want sex or dirty pics and the constant barrage of opening messages saying "hi sexy/gorgeous/you're pretty" yuk it's gross.
I feel so much lighter without that shit going on everyday.

I might go back to OLD at a later date but for now I am just going to do things that don't depress me or make me feel like an object for perverts.

Mileysmiley · 15/08/2019 08:00

@joanietaylor you never know who might meet later in life ... I met the love my life in my forties .... don't give up

Liverpoolarefab · 15/08/2019 08:40

I deleted tinder yesterday - feel so much better for it !!!! I haven't given up wanting to meet someone , but I'm not relying on online dating to do it !!!!
It can work for some people , my brother and sister in law for example !! But I bet the percentage of people who meet long term partners is minuscule !!!! It's the dating equivalent of slimming world and weight watchers - for the majority of people they just don't work , make people feel crap about themselves , and it's all about the people that run them and make money out of us !!!!!
Please no one say ' maybe it's because I'm a size 16 or 18' - ITS NOT !!!!!!!

Highandlow · 15/08/2019 08:57

I have been on and off for 5 years. Have not got past 3 dates or 5 meets ( sex). Am nearly 30.

Scott72 · 15/08/2019 09:04

I don't see how paid services can work. I mean, the blokes there will be paying, and their expectations will be raised too. If the men in regular OLD have a tendency to go for younger women I imagine this will be worse in paid ones.

PennysPocket · 15/08/2019 09:18

If the men in regular OLD have a tendency to go for younger women I imagine this will be worse in paid ones.

I didn't find this.
I had a massive age range of men message/like me most were within my 10 year age range many were exactly my age. Granted the vast majority were not for me and the rest were creeps but still I didn't get the only want younger women vibe.

Watchingthyme · 15/08/2019 10:11

I’m on guardian soulmates and no one has contacted me for months! I forgot I had it. I must delete it!

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 15/08/2019 10:53

Yeah, I'm done with it. I am 40 and for the last few years, I've only had messages from either much younger or much older men. The ones around my own age aren't interested in actually meeting up, although they might string you along for a bit with frustratingly vague answers to any questions you ask them.

The thing is, I know I'm basically a good person with plenty to offer, but I'm ugly, so I'm never going to be able to find a partner on something like OLD, which relies on a profile picture to snag their initial interest. All the men my own age that I work with are already married, and I did the whole meetups thing but found that they were mostly full of other single women, or couples who were pursuing their interests together.

It's not going to happen for me, and I am reconciled to that, but the weekends can be a killer. I think people who have partners and families who never get much time to themselves see that as freedom, and don't understand how crushing it can be. Which is why the well-meaning threads where coupled-up women go on about how much they envy single life and wish they could just lie in without being mauled by their toddlers make me want to scream.

crappyday2018 · 15/08/2019 13:45

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks I'm not sure looks makes it any easier in my opinion. I've been told I'm attractive and I don't look my age etc etc but I've been messed around as much as the next person. I've also been strung along by guys who suggest a date but then never make effort to arrange it, or cancel and then disappear.
The problem lies predominantly with men (and women) who are on the apps for either an ego boost, or they're not actually ready to meet anyone yet. Time-wasters in other words.
The ones I have dated seem to have deep-rooted issues and are looking for a relationship for the wrong reasons.

Brynssatnav · 15/08/2019 14:21

So, I joined Meetup 2 days ago after a suggestion on here and I thought brilliant there's a few events on there I wouldn't mind going to. However, it seems a few men are using it to chat women up. Grrrrrrr blocked Angry

Misty9 · 15/08/2019 14:27

@Brynssatnav you can turn off the messaging option on meetup and then only the event organiser can contact you. I've found meetup to be great since I've become single in my late 30s - but as a way to meet cool single women in the same boat, not as a way to meet guys. I felt similarly to all you about online dating when I dipped my toe in it a couple months back.

Brynssatnav · 15/08/2019 14:31

Thanks Misty9 I shall do that now Smile

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 15/08/2019 14:40

crappyday201 to an extent, but I've seen it said many times that OLD is a numbers game, and you have to try messaging and chatting with lots and lots of men before you get a "hit", as it were. I don't mean to diminish your experiences at all, but I'm sure it's easier to at least get responses if you don't look like a car crash in your profile picture.

I recognise the flaky, pen-pal type fairly well, though, and find them to be a complete nightmare. I was targeted once by a good-looking younger guy who seemed genuinely interested in meeting up; I'm not daft and I knew a man like that wouldn't have struggled to find pretty women his own age, so I was initially wary and tried to brush him off to start with. But he was politely persistent and seemed intelligent and mature, so I did get into chatting with him, and we arranged to meet up, only for him to cancel on me the day before because he'd had a "family bereavement" (standard excuse, I know). I was silly enough to rearrange the date on the off-chance that he was telling the truth - after all, people do lose family members - but he then went on to cancel that one as well, and the one after that, at which point I realised he really wasn't interested in meeting up but presumably got some sort of kick out of making a fool out of fat middle-aged women. It's humiliating, and it's not the sole example of that sort of thing happening to me, although I didn't let it go as far as that again.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 15/08/2019 14:56

There really are some prizes out there all right. It's easy to be brave, rude or filthy behind a keyboard. I could imagine the majority of those would say the stuff or behave so so poorly in real life.

Bring black slow sets I say. We'd always get asked for a dance which led to a snog when we had those. No social media and no mobiles made things simpler. I remember running to answer the house phone as god forbid my mother or father would answer and it was a boy. You'd be mortified.

Now it's constant connection and bazillions of people available over the internet 24/7. You can see why people are always thinking someone better may happen along.

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble. I signed up for the Spanish class this morning. Taking bets on the ratio of men to women in that.

Jade74 · 15/08/2019 18:05

@Nowyoulistentomefella
I remember those days lol my mum would answer the phone to random guys I d given my home number out to as there were no mobiles or internet . Seemed to be simpler and more innocent . I saw a OLD site called Our Time for people in their 40 s not sure what it’s like though

Ironmansmyhero · 15/08/2019 18:19

I've literally just started the online dating and at 29 I've had enough already. You either get those thirsty for a fuck, or those interested and then the conversation dies within weeks.

crappyday2018 · 15/08/2019 19:17

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks god that is awful. Although comes as absolutely no shock at all. I do think there is only one way to do dating, and that is with ZERO expectations whatsoever.
I approached it very differently last time. I replied to guys who I would usually dismiss, if their message was nice. I would not respond at all to any who were way younger than me and I would always, always assume whoever I was talking to would disappear.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 16/08/2019 08:16

Zero expectations is the best way forward all right. You might end up being pleasantly surprised rather than being disappointed.

Still happy with my decision to delete the apps. It can get a bit disheartening swiping away and not a match to be had.

I don't want children so no rush to meet someone. Thankful I never had the biological clock ticking.

At least it's Friday. Anyone doing anything fun for the weekend? Supposed to do a camping trip but the weather here is absolutely Cat so my friend has pulled out and I'm half glad.

PennysPocket · 16/08/2019 08:22

I am happy I deleted them too Now my self esteem has picked up a bit since.

No plans as such as my children are back from their dads.
I do miss doing couple things though that's why I signed up to OLD as I had the ridiculous idea of meeting other adults I could enjoy my free time with. Silly me Grin

NowYouListenToMeFella · 16/08/2019 08:30

PennysPocket most of my friends are knee deep in small kids or long term relationships so never want to do stuff at the weekend. I joined a new gym last year and have made two lovely friends from it. Both single and good fun. Although I have to say I don't mind a weekend to myself either.

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 16/08/2019 08:37

Countryfile Live is going on near me this weekend. Am just trying to decide if going on my own would be too completely tragic, but I do love an opportunity to pet farm animals.

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