Giving up Dating

[joanietaylor]

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

Scott72 list of demands! What are people asking for?? That's kind of shocking.

"What do men like to see on profiles for curiosity sake?"

Decent photos of you looking like you actually do. Not smoothed out with some Photoshop effect. Not with you pulling a duck pout or strange moody face in every single photo or without dog chops or butterflies flying around your head. Preferably without you being in a group of female friends so you can't tell who you actually are. Ideally one full length photo included.

Your age. No, your REAL age.

Don't use the phrase "my kids are my world". If you have kids, say you have them, but that phrase really grates for some reason.

It would be nice if every third profile didn't say "You must be 5ft or taller" especially if you yourself are under 5ft 6 but hey, we have to be realistic.

But Scott is right, I have seen many profiles that don't tell us anything about you as a person, only a long list of what you are looking for or expect.

*6ft obviously. Lousy typing this morning

Urgh I'm giving up completely after last weekend. I spotted someone I'd matched with on one. We never spoke or interacted on it. Mumsnet is the only social media I do so no interaction there either. Man calls me over - obviously very drunk- and proceeds to "let me down gently". Yes posters, a man I had simply matched with a year ago on a dating website who I'd had no communication with whatsoever was explaining to me why we couldn't be in a relationship. Don't understand it? Me neither. Although he did seem to know quite bit about me

I tend to only last a couple of days on these sites as they just get me down. From now on I wont bother

Brynssatnav did you spend the next morning crying into your cornflakes over that let down! Jesus wept. I think my mouth would have been hanging open and I'd have lost the ability to speak if that happened to me.

Thanks Shatners and Scott. Seems like a lot of the same things crop up on women's profiles.

Well I've just opened up a dating app and one guy's profile picture is a baby throwing up on his head while sitting on his shoulders. Actual vomit in the picture.

You see I have my real age, plenty of normal pics including a full length one, no demands.... Maybe no one is that interested in a size 18 (albeit attractive) 36 year old?! I can see why women lie about their age.

I can see why women lie about their age

I think it's foolish. Assuming you get on and you start dating, when do you decide to reveal the truth? At some point you'll have to if it becomes clear this is going somewhere. Beginning with a lie right from the off doesn't seem a good basis to start from; would make me wonder what else you weren't truthful about. And once that niggle is there, or you're seen as someone for whom lying is natural or normal...

NowYouListenToMeFella I did get a little bit upset at him implying I was used goods despite us both being divorced with children. Then I realised I was probably more upset at being hungover

What is interesting on this thread is when someone said the type of person you want to meet probably wouldn't be on those sites anyway. This is something I've thought myself.

ShatnersWig I cannot understand why anyone would lie about their age for the reasons you stated. It's silly. The filters on the pictures are daft too. Why bother? When you meet they will see exactly what you look like.

I agree @Shatners. Just frustrating

Following on from what batshit said here is the link to the latest long-running dating thread
Dating thread 166: Who dates wins www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3656429-Dating-thread-166-Who-dates-wins#89066489

Sometimes it is laughable. You look at the photos and just say to yourself "If you're 39, you've had a very, very hard life".

When I was on the dating thread on here some time back, it was amazing - and depressing - to see how many women say they knock some years off. It's self defeating.

Brynssatnav god what a shitty attitude that man had. Used goods. What a cheek.

Don't get the lying about age either. It's just a bit dishonest and for me not a good start to things. I'd wonder what else they are fibbing about.

It's a little hard to criticise since I seldom come across a woman's profile that screams out to me that the profiler is anything but a woman simply and genuinely looking for a like-minded partner. Of course I have no clue as to whether ungenuine men's profiles are somewhat more prolific and / or easier to identify amongst the sea of profiles but in general it's unusual for me to ever encounter a profile that instantly make me think "she's a wrong un".

I'll try to be constructive...

Photoshopped photos - could not agree more with PPs. Anyone wanting to make themselves look like a glittery anime teenager gets an immediate swipe left.

However, a smile always helps! You really don't need to pout instead - please, don't pout - a pout very rarely draws me to a profile. I just want to see what you look like, relaxed and natural.

Disagree slightly about the list of demands. No real problem with anyone broadly setting out what appeals to them on a recreational, spiritual, and to an extent physical level, OLD is a shop window after all. I'm no Adonis and carry a bit of timber so i'm hardly going to be attractive to, or particularly attracted to someone that runs triathlons every other weekend. And that's fine, we both know the score (unless of course said triathlete expressly states they're after some chubby chap who gets out of breath opening a bag of crisps). Saves a bit of time.

However I'm totally put off by profiles that appear to demand perfection (you'd be surprised what proportion of profiles follow this tack) because I wouldn't expect that's ever remotely likely to be me. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if these are the profiles that are honeypots to the chancers though.

I would be far more prepared to respond to profiles which set out what might be, let's say, more realistic, relaxed criteria and take it from there.

Jaded-with-OLD profiles... If I'm honest, these always seem to get a second look from me - I feel the same way after all. Whether I would want to reply to one is another matter - will I be the white knight to come and whisk you away from OLD, will I be seen as responding almost out of pity or, more likely, would I just be another in the long line of humdrummers?

Hope that hasn't appeared too mansplainy and critical, just my experience...

Just remembered one of the requirements on a guys dating profile I saw: 'Must have long nails.' I mean, why?! Instant no.

In some ways it is comforting to know so many other people are disillusioned with the sites. I find it weird when people have their age but then in their profile state "I'm actually ** but it won't let me change it" - err what?

My last profile on pof was actually a funny one. I literally listed all the things I see/hear with a translation of what they mean. I actually got quite a few guys message me just to say they found it funny to read - clearly were in the same boat as me. I think you have to try to see the funny side at times.

Do I think I will meet 'the one' on there? Highly unlikely but I am going to a wedding next month and they met on POF, so it does happen. She wasn't going to meet him at first cos he was 'too short'. They're now getting married.

Well I do lie about my age - here's why. I'm 58, though I think I pass for 48 easily. I had 55 up, but was getting very little looks at my profile. I recently dropped it to 50, but corrected it to 55 in my profile text (I know I know - still lying) and I immediately got a moderate increase in traffic. I think 50 is often the cut-off on sites. However, in the real world people aren't so hung up on numbers, because they are dealing with the complex person in their company. A young person can be dull, an older person can have amazing eyes and humour.

The numbers thing is a pain and for older people and is a bit of a very real block. If I was under 50 I wouldn't bother lying. My plan is simple, if I should hit it off on the first date then I will come clean. If someone say 48 'likes' me or messages me then I just leave it. The actual age gap is too much.

But 50 year olds messaging 30 year olds - just twats. My real bug-bear is this: Guys who are 55, but put their preferred age range as 30 - 52. I want to know what they think is happening in those missing 3 years? Why wouldn't you want someone your own age? It's so common it makes me spit.

This ladies is one of the reasons why some of us particularly those over 45 umm and ahh about leaving basically decent guys who have habits/behaviour that has made us unhappy at times and why we don’t just LTB. We know if we leave it’s likely to be leaving to be on your own whereas our decent looking , reasonably high earning partners would be inundated with a bevvy of nice and keen women 15 years younger.

I think internet dating has made it that many get hooked on it and the chase , particularly men and if they actually find a partner they like they then miss that buzz of checking responses etc and the chit chat. I know a woman like this too, it’s not just a male thing.

Yep I have fund very similar with internet dating. I've had men who immediately want to sext, men who are 20+ years older than me and have paid zero attention to what I say I am looking for. I also memorably once had a man contact me who was extremely good looking by traditional standards to inform me he found "older, fatter women a turn on" and if I'd like to meet For reference I am a size 12 and not yet 40, he was 32!

However, I have also met a couple of people who became good friends. And lately, I've met someone who has been nothing but absolutely lovely and so far is being a perfect gentleman and a breath of fresh air.

One thing I have found is that in my later 30's I've struggled to meet anyone with the same relaitonship wants as me. Either they want to get married and start a family, or they want NSA sex - just a hook up here and there.

I have also gone on a couple of dates with people who were perfectly nice but there was no chemistry.

So it has been a numbers game.

rosabug I sort of get where you're coming from on that. I am lucky (family genes) in that I look a few years younger than I do. I'm 45 but but most people guess I'm late 30s. It's catching up a bit more now but I used to get mistaken for a good 10 years younger. And I got accused more than once of "obviously" using someone else's photos because that person is clearly not that age.

As for the age range thing, I have similarly seen older women "advertise" they are only looking for much younger men; not to the same extent but certainly more than you'd probably expect. And when you see women like Caroline Flack only dating men over 10 years younger and Damien Hirst with his partner of more than 20 years older, inevitably some people will think "why not me?"

My last partner was 11 years older than me but I don't want to have that sort of age gap again, it became an issue.

I think my profile is normal. Normal photos. I think some funny things.
I am a size 16 so perhaps that’s off putting. I have an interesting job, I think I am popular with people. Maybe it’s just size.

I dunno. It’s just all so depressing.

It really doesn't sound like there is any sort of fool proof way to success. Everyone seems to have a different tack and none working.

I really think deleting the apps was the best move for me. It just wasn't fun at all anymore. I wouldn't keep at a hobby I didn't think was fun so why should OD be any different.

Did you delete them OP or still considering it?

I heard someone say these sites have created the 'gamification of dating'.