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Original poster

Giving up Dating

290 replies

joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 17:46

Hello,

Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

OP posts:
LOliver123 · 13/08/2019 22:04

Oh no, I am in my late thirties and have just come out of a long term relationship (it ended a few months ago) and was thinking of giving OLD a try ! Bit scared now!

Watchingthyme · 13/08/2019 22:08

I came off for a couple of years. Back on and the same guys are there. But then maybe they think the same about me.

I just don’t meet people in RL
well I do, but all the men who are 10 yrs older than me, seem to have second families with women 10 years younger than me.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 22:09

@SonataDentata you hear that a lot about the partners. It's odd. I for sure would have no interest in any of my friends other halves.

@LOliver123 no harm in giving it a try. People do meet people on there. Don't be put off giving it a go.

At least we all know we are not the only one in this position. Whether that gives us comfort or not.

I don't come across eligible men in my everyday life. No one in work, gym people are too young and a lot of classes are mostly woman.

Going to start learning Spanish in October. I dream about a career break and running away. Will see how the Spanish comes along and might help with that little dream.

Persea · 13/08/2019 22:15

Yes yes yes. I’m on the verge of sacking OLD off. I got liked again today by a man old enough to be my Dad. Despite me having a age range on my profile. This happens very regularly. Just to clarify I am not on a sugardaddy app. I am 41, this guy was 63.

crappyday2018 · 13/08/2019 22:19

@Persea haha, I am 43 and once had a 21 year old ask me out on of the apps. Other end of the scale.

Watchingthyme · 13/08/2019 22:21

It’s always someone young who wants a MILF type. Or some sleazy old bastard.

Persea · 13/08/2019 22:23

@crappyday2018 haha indeed. I don’t know which is worse!!

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 22:25

The young fellas looking for someone with a bit of experience. Jog on mate I've no interest in training you 😂 They seem to think we should be flattered.

Persea · 13/08/2019 22:27

@Watchingthyme - you’re not wrong with sleazy! This one said he would “consider younger women if they wanted to start a family.”
It was the “consider” bit that got me - yeah mate, you’re going to be fighting these younger women off.... brace yourself for the deluge of offers for your seed... 🤮🤮🤮🤮

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 22:37

I feel for all of you! It’s a tough world out there. Especially for women.

Mind you, most of the women I know who are interested in older men are needy, selfish and after a Daddy and a wallet so I say - maybe they cancel out the superficial silly men anyway and do us a favour! Grin as those silly men start a life of being drained of their vitality and trying to vainly keep up their lost youth.

Good riddance!

Did OLD too 10 years ago. I was told I was too much of a woman by men who basically wanted childless girls. And yet there were some gems on there.

It pays to grow a very thick skin, and weed out people ruthlessly.

I only met people that I thought would be a great potential friend. That changed a lot for me. I ignored much of the looks. I only rejected men that I really would never fancy ever. And that way I met some wonderful men who even though the majority did not become partners, we had great fun. I didn’t sleep with hardly any. Did as many dates for lunch as I could. Met men who were as lonely but as normal and nice as me. It was very therapeutic and confidence building. Opened my eyes to the world. And each date I didn’t think - do I want a relationship? I just enjoyed their company.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 13/08/2019 22:40

Longlongsummer I wouldn't have any expectations going on a date. I definitely have a thick skin, thank god. You have a great attitude towards dating.

I can't seem to get a match on tinder and men my age don't message me or reply on pof. I'm at a loss as to how to even get to the going on a date stage. Which is why I'm throwing in the towel. Both apps deleted tonight.

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 22:59

@NowYouListenToMeFella I can’t say I blame you really. I had to stop too and met a man in RL. Then found out he was cheating on me on POF...

It can be brutal.

Jade74 · 13/08/2019 22:59

It s sad that there are genuine people who want to meet a genuine partner who get messed about by people with little morals and a lot of this sites are money making rubbish as pp say what has this world come to. It s human nature to want company we are programmed as social beings at least before OLD you could meet people face to face straight away. I have also despaired with all the rubbish !!!

Original poster
joanietaylor · 13/08/2019 23:04

@Now you have tempted me to know to delete the apps too. Good riddance to bad rubbish. If i continue with online dating i think i become really bitter so best i stop now.

OP posts:
MeowTseTung · 14/08/2019 01:06

Just from a male perspective here, I've had practically no luck in even getting a response from anyone I've messaged online - so much so that I'm getting embarrassed to even think about messaging anyone anymore (and before y'all ask, I know my limits when it comes to age-gaps). But it's only from reading your experiences that I get a better idea of the type of men who generally frequent OLD sites (the 'avoidant' types, I guess - I get where you're coming from with that although it's not especially heartening to get tarred with that brush) and it's obviously difficult to shine through amongst the perceived dross that's out there.
Still, I'm ready to knock it on the head now too. I joined a few meetup groups a while back, about time I actually went to one or two of them.

Watchingthyme · 14/08/2019 07:31

@MeowTseTung
Great user name!

I agree it’s hard for men and women in different ways. Disheartening even.

Why are all these losers of both sex taking up all the sites. What do they eve. Get out of it, and were they always around in life?!

I just don’t get it. Don’t put you want kids if you don’t! Don’t put you want a relationship if you don’t!
Sad

fotheringhay · 14/08/2019 07:36

That's why I have slightly more faith in the paid ones like Match. But even with those my heart sinks at the thought of going back on there.

I met a real gem on Match last year, but it didn't work out due to his circumstances. He was lovely. But he stood out a mile from the others.

As well as my strategy mentioned before, I'm basically going to hang out in coffee shops in the smart part of town, reading a book and looking approachable. Does anyone think that might work?

fotheringhay · 14/08/2019 07:39

I suppose the idea is, get out there and do the things you'd do anyway. I have a tendency to cosy up alone home which is comforting but obviously isn't bringing anyone new into my life

Scott72 · 14/08/2019 07:39

A well known factor is how women tend to be a bit more fussier than men in who they are attracted to. OLD can create a nasty feedback loop which magnifies this to the point of absurdity. Women feel inundated by likes and messages, many from men just after casual sex, so become more selective. Men become desperate for any kind of response and so message a wider range of women, and it just feeds on itself.

Craptop · 14/08/2019 07:47

Well, fuck, this is depressing. I too am just out of a long term relationship. I don't meet ANY single men in real life. it's OLD or nothing, and I'd really like to meet someone. What can we all do about it?!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 14/08/2019 08:02

To those considering OLD, there are a long running series of dating threads on this board which might be helpful. Some of us have success on OLD (I do think it's mostly chance, though).

ShatnersWig · 14/08/2019 08:05

Another man here and I too gave up dating years ago. OLD was hideous - I have no doubt it is worse for women but trust me, there are plenty of awful women who behave badly on those sites/apps as well. Been there, got the t-shirt.

I refuse to go back to OLD but sadly that appears to be the only way to meet people now unless you're still young and at uni or in a young workplace.

Been single now 9 years, haven't had a date in 7 and increasingly lonely despite having good friends. Weekends are worst, because if all your friends are coupled with kids, they're doing family stuff. And it doesn't matter how much you follow all the usual advice about joining new clubs, new hobbies, meet ups because at the end of the day it's all luck.

ShatnersWig · 14/08/2019 08:09

I also note that despite the so-called statistics that the majority of relationships these days start on OLD I think that's bullshit. Everyone I know who has been single has used OLD. I only know of two long-term relationships borne out of OLD. No one else has ever gone anything further than a handful of dates/two or three months with one person. And most have used OLD for years on and off.

I did OLD for two years. I flitted between the various sites. I took a year off solid from one site while I used two others. When I went back to that one site, I found the vast majority of the people I'd seen on there a year ago were still there. Now, some may have been fake, but not that many, and I can usually spot a fake a mile off. So clearly, it doesn't work to anything like the extent they say.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 14/08/2019 08:10

Fotheringhay that sounds like a good idea. Worth a shot anyway. I'd be the same as you and would cosy up at home with a book. Maybe I'll give your idea a whirl.

Sounds like men aren't having it any easier than we are. God it really is awful that so many people find it so difficult.

I think men (I haven't checked out other womens' profiles) don't help themselves either. Only group photos, only memes, dead fish, sedated tigers, 'no drama queens', 'just ask', photos of their kids, 'my kids are my world', snapchat ear or the like filters, duck face, bathroom selfies, topless in bed selfies and my least favourite 'I don't bite unless you ask me'.

Any man who has a nice bio, decent clear photos and says more than 'hi gorgeous' will be streets ahead of many of the others on the dating sites.

That's my tuppence worth and I'm sure there are plenty of women's profiles who have the same. What do men like to see on profiles for curiosity sake?

Scott72 · 14/08/2019 08:17

"What do men like to see on profiles for curiosity sake?"
Honest profile pics instead of carefully posed or photoshopped ones. No list of demands. No height requirements. Don't say "no hookups". For some reason that just seems a bit obnoxious.