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Original poster

When would you move your partner in?

100 replies

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 12/08/2019 20:41

Single mum. Unexpectedly met somebody 6 months ago and it's really great.

What worked for you? How long would you give it till you amalgamated lives?

I'm probably going to start looking into it this time next year, but it has surprised me how quickly 6 months has passed and at how it feels like we have been together for years (in a good way.)

I'd totally admit that I judge people for doing things too quickly- but being on this side of it I can see how it's easy to get swept up in it.

OP posts:
quirkycutekitch · 12/08/2019 21:07

It was 3 years for us.

LemonAddict · 12/08/2019 21:08

3 years.

Grobagsforever · 12/08/2019 23:00

Never is also a great option when kids involved. Living with a man isn't necessary- women are usually happier not doing so

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 12/08/2019 23:24

I'd only ever live with another man after a good few years where I had seen him reacting to a range of situations to see how he behaves. In the past, I've committed early during the 'loved up' phase, only to find they were only 'nice' when things were going their way.

There really isn't a guarantee that any relationship will work but I think it helps to really have your wits about you to make sure you're not making a bad investment in another person.

NewMe2019 · 13/08/2019 00:15

I've been with DP for over 7 months, we felt very early on that it just feels right, it gets harder to be apart all the time. If I didn't have DCs I think we would move in sooner but as I do, our plan is for sometime next year.

Sometimes when you know it's right, it really just is. I wouldn't wait 3 years tbh.

glittertissues · 13/08/2019 12:41

How old are your dcs @quirkycutekitch?

Sparkles57 · 13/08/2019 12:45

6 months to a year, but I don’t have DC

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/08/2019 12:51

It would have to be marriage or live separately for me

Sunshineandflipflops · 13/08/2019 12:59

My DC are 11 and 13 so I wouldn't move anyone in while they are still young as I don't want to expose them to any more change that they don't have a say in. I also think you are still in the honeymoon/lust stage at 6 months, which is lovely but not enough to base living together on.

Pipandmum · 13/08/2019 13:03

My kids are teens now but I wouldn’t live with a man again. You now have all the good parts without the domestic drudgery. I like my own space and privacy and time with my kids.

namechangedforthis1980 · 13/08/2019 13:17

DS and I moved in with my now DH after about a year. We'd been staying with him for occasional nights for a few months, so I could see what he was like to live with ( and he could see what a 2 year old was like to live with!). We've now been together for 13 years so it was pretty successful Grin

pumpkinpie01 · 13/08/2019 13:26

We left it 5 years , he was going to be living with my 3dc so wanted to be 100% sure they all had a great relationship and everyone was happy. That was 10 years ago 😀

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/08/2019 13:46

In hindsight, if you have kids, I'd say never

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 13:46

A 2015 study found that 37 per cent of couples move in together after they've been in a relationship for six months to a year

As kids are involved I’d suggest doubling this to two years!

PumpkinP · 13/08/2019 13:49

I think it’s great some people are happy to love separately from their partner but the op clearly would like to live together at some point, I personally wouldn’t be having not living with a long term partner, never is very extreme and probably coming from people who have had bad experiences but that won’t be the case for everyone.

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 13/08/2019 13:52

When kids are involved I'd give it a few years. I'd also only do it if we were planning on getting married. You really need to be as sure as you can be that the relationship will last until after your kids have grown up and moved out, at least.

category12 · 13/08/2019 13:54

Never. Having had a step-parent I didn't particularly get on with, I'm extremely reluctant to move in a man. I wouldn't want to inflict that on my dc.

I also really enjoy just having the fun stuff with my bf, and not the daily grind and sock-washing.

SaintEyning · 13/08/2019 14:06

Not until the kids are much older than ours (7,8,9).

My ex and I bought a house together when my DS was 3 after being together 18 months. His DDs were 10 and 13 and it was a nightmare from start to end. 24 months later, I bought him out. DS is now 9 and although he seems to only have happy memories of our time living as a blended family, I suspect the other 4 of us only remember the bad times.

I have been with new chap for just over 6 months and have made it abundantly clear that there will be no living together until DS is in sixth form, and even then it will be entirely contingent upon whether we think it is the right thing for the kids as DP’s two would be about to go into Y10 and Y11; not ideal for moving house and they are with him v close to 50% of the time as it is now.

Original poster
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 13/08/2019 14:35

Thanks all. It's great food for thought.

One one hand, I love having my house with DD to ourselves but equally the cost of running two homes is £££££. We'd be able to do some fab things together if we rented out DP's flat or sold it and only had one set of bills to pay.

There's no hurry at this point. Just something I am chewing over. A poster said upthread it is sometimes harder to be apart and I know what she means - DP picked up DD from a party and brought her home. We all had popcorn and a movie and then she went to bed and he went home.....even though we were all going on a day out the next day. In lots of ways it would be convenient to have him here but we are both wary about rushing things.

Agree that living with a man isn't necessary, but equally miss adult companionship and having another person to share the burden of household nonsense.

OP posts:
CatPunsFreakMeowt · 13/08/2019 14:38

Surely he could have just stayed the night? Overnight stays a couple of times a week is a good compromise until you’re ready to live together full time.

Original poster
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 13/08/2019 15:58

I feel like its too early for overnights. We have been away a couple of weekends as a group and that was fine but I am a bit paranoid about DD feeling like her home turf is being invaded!

OP posts:
3timeslucky · 13/08/2019 16:13

I'd consider him moving in when I was pretty sure it'd be for good. That wouldn't be anywhere near 6-12 months though. And it wouldn't be because it made sense financially.

joystir59 · 13/08/2019 16:16

Assuming you mean male partner? I wouldn't. I think in most heterosexual relationships I've witnessed my friends involved in, women fare better when the man does not move in.

IdblowJonSnow · 13/08/2019 16:19

Never! Ruins the romance! Smile
Just carry on as you are, especially if you have children.
Or, more seriously, as you seem so keen, a couple of years.

readitandwept · 13/08/2019 16:29

I wouldn't introduce them until 6 months and I wouldn't even start asking dc their thoughts on living together until a further 18 months had passed. Then maybe six months after that again, to let dc process the actual reality of the idea. That all depends on age, I suppose.

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