This is my first time on this forum and I am on here purely for support and honest answers from other mums etc on a very distressing subject 😔 I am going to keep this as concise as possible and free from my/my family's personal views and negative feelings as possible, giving just the ones that matter.
I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful girls.
In 2011 we found out my husband's uncle/godfather (his mum's brother, I'll refer to him as K later) had sexually abused at least 2 of our girls. We took him to court, he was found guilty, sentenced to 10 months imprisonment, served only 3. The family ostracized him bar one member who is mentally challenged and doesn't comprehend what he did and is easily manipulated.
Turned out this was a family trend so the other brother and father were also ostracized by my husband's immediate family. My MIL chose to not attend their funerals but met K at a niece's funeral.
After this his name came up frequently so my hubby asked her outright if she was speaking to him. The answer was yes and she'd continue to. He said he was angry but she probably couldn't be stopped and she said she understood but wouldn't be.
Our girls were quiet (now 18,14 and 12) but when we got home they were crying, hurt, angry and felt betrayed. I was in the same boat but couldn't get past the numb shock that had set in at her revelation.
The girls said they didn't want to visit Granny anymore. We completely understood. Hubby eventually messaged her and told her how upset her granddaughters were and she said it wasn't her intention. No apology, message, text or call to any one of the girls.
A week passes and hubby gets a message from his elder bro asking what's going on. He calls his bro and is shocked his mum has told him we're using the girls to punish her for speaking to K. My husband blew up! She was telling lies! The girls made their choice. His bro asked how long can you punish him and hubby said my girls deal with this every day, it doesn't go away, put yourself in our shoes. If it were your kids what would you do? Answer...he'd be dead already.
Then he calls his mum. It was lengthy but her points are...
...how long can you punish him?
...I lost time with my other brother and dad but K is dying (from Parkinson's!!! Eh NO!), he's my bro and want to be there for him
...he's been in their house 3 times since the funeral and will be again (!!!)
...the girls have to move on from what happened (!!!)
...she doesn't think she should have to chose
...she understands that if she insists on speaking to and seeing K she won't see any of us again (apparently our girls are their favourites)
...his dad/her husband and their grandfather is supporting her choice
...she insists someone out there will completely understand and support her point of view.
We have spoken to people who mainly have some form of familial/emotional relationship with us and our girls but I feel I need to reach out to an 'impartial' and independent group. The full majority consensus so far is to cut them out our lives, the girls emotional and mental wellbeing comes first and we wholeheartedly agree. Our girls will ALWAYS come first! But if you knew my IN LAWS you'd understand why I am ensuring I have asked a neutral party.
So, since her paedophile brother who abused HER grandchildren has been put first, spoken with and entertained under their sayso, are we right to cut them out for the sake of our girls...
...or are we being unreasonable and should let her do what she wants regardless the effect on our girls and us?
Thank you in advance for reading this, apologies for any distress, upset or offense.
I won't lie. I strongly hope the majority back our choice but will read any objective comments.