DP’s former FWB on social media

[MyNameisBetty]

I have been with my DP for over a year. We were friends for a while before becoming a couple and therefore we are aware of each other’s previous relationships. Too aware at times... I wish I didn’t know so much detail and I wish I had given him so much private info.

My DP has a former FWB who lives in the US. They used to sext regularly and met up a few times for sex when she was in the UK for business.

When we became involved with each other seriously they continued to interact occasionally on social media and, at first, I just ignored it. He said they’d stopped messaging and I believe he’s telling the truth about that.

A few months ago she made a few posts which I felt were inappropriate commenting on his looks etc. Just too intimate-sounding. One was on an instagram with his daughter, who I am trying to build a relationship with. He deleted the comments at my request.

I said I felt uncomfortable about them continuing to follow each other. He said he felt I was being over sensitive but that (reluctantly) he would unfollow her on all platforms and message her to make it clear he had met someone now and that he wanted to cut contact.

Her response was that she was surprised he’d told me about her at all and that she would miss seeing his posts.

For the last few months there has been no interaction - but then yesterday he posted about a work related success and she posted congratulating him. He responded with a thanks. All very harmless-looking on the surface. But still an interaction when he’d said he would cut contact.

We ended up having a long argument by text about it. He thinks she’s done nothing ‘wrong’ and doesn’t seem to get why I want him to stop responding to her on all platforms.

I know that if the tables were turned he would be very upset about a former fuckfriend maintaining contact with me.

I'll get hate for disagreeing with the "cool girlfriend" parade
Such a stupid phrase used to dismiss women who have different boundaries and opinions.

At the end of the day it was upsetting op.

Her dp has agreed that if it was the other way round he would feel the same.

They have talked and agreed a way forward, which suits them.

Hope you're ok op.

I do think the fact she lives in America doesn't matter. If the thirst is hard enough it'll happen and I speak from experience.

But this I don’t trust her is the main issue. You don't have to trust HER, you need to trust your boyfriend. If you don't trust him then call the relationship a day because you can't have a healthy relationship without it.

The ow is pursuing her dp. Not the other way around. She is safeguarding herself and to be fair, few of us enjoy being in a relationship with an ex fuck buddy hanging on. It’s desperate and destructive. For what benefit. Purely to feed egos. This is what is sad.

No she isnt. OP conveniently drop fed that after people didnt agree with her.

It's been no further contact to her propositioning him. Given the outrage at congratulations, I am willing to bet (if it's even true) the woman has not propositioned him at all.

OP has translated 'congratulations' into 'fancy a shag'

She is massively judging this woman. But has no issue having sex with a man, who had sex with the woman of 'low morals' and Op didnt mind when he was spilling all this woman's private information to her. She was quite happy to listen to the gossip and have sex with a man who had sex with this horrible woman. But she is the scarlett woman?

This is bat shit. As is suggesting assaulting him.

If the OP take advice of anyone who suggests kicking him the balls, she is bat shit crazy.

He said thanks publically. Thats it.

Some people are so insecure in their relationships, it's scary. The lengths people will go to to stay in relationship is scary.

Wishihad I wonder if Ozzies use of OW doesn't mean the usual Other Woman but more likely Overseas Whore?

@bouncingraindrops
For clarity, I thought referring to American lady as ow was obvious. We don’t know her name. It’s far easier to type than ‘the woman in America’

I'll get hate for disagreeing with the "cool girlfriend" parade

How about we coin a new phrase?

Cool mners. Mners who think its perfectly acceptable to control your partner and demand they do as you ask whenever you ask it. As long as it's a man on the receiving end.

Though I would rather we didnt because calling anyone 'cool' is naff and trotted out, usually when people run out of points to make. It's a phrase used to stop debate.

But shevisnt the other woman. You might as well call her SL (Scarlett woman).

She isnt has never been the OW. Using it is just trying to further discredit the fact that she contacted him to say congratulations.

@Ozziewozzie

But she wasn't the OW. That suggests a completely different level of involvement. She was a FWB. One extra letter. Clarifies the type of relationship. OW is incredibly misleading.

She lives half way across the world and they were never even in a relationship. They hooked up a handful of times, that’s all. She also only commented to say a simple congratulations, nothing flirtatious.

With all due respect I think you need to unclench a little and perhaps step away from the internet.

@bouncingraindrops
You know perfectly well what I meant. Again if I referred to her as FWB then that would imply it’s current activity. Again ow for me meant, other than op. Again easier to type than ‘the woman who used to be FWB’

You know perfectly well what I meant. Again if I referred to her as FWB then that would imply it’s current activity. Again ow for me meant, other than op. Again easier to type than ‘the woman who used to be FWB’

And yet every other poster to manage it without referring to her as OW or some long winded name?

The OP is very controlling and slightly unhinged. what is more surprising is the amount of supporters she has. If mine or anyone's DH said not to speak to any man cause there may want to sleep with you, there would be uproar. You have no idea about the your DH friend motives, you have concocted a whole story to make your story sympathetic. If anything she is probably worried that your OH has fallen into a relationship with a crazy lady.
I really feel for yours and some of the others OH's on here. He has allowed you to dictate who he can talk to- it will only get worse for him. I hope he realises what a horrible future he has with such a controlling person and gets out as soon as he can

My moral compass comment was because of the stuff he’d told me about her before we got together. And boy does he regret telling me...

Your partner sounds like an absolute shitbag, OP. He was this woman's friend, was told things about her in confidence as her friend and then betrayed that trust the minute he had you in his bed instead of her. What an awful thing to do!

And then exposed her to the pile of misogynistic bullshit you just threw at her. Poor woman. I do think you and your partner should cut contact with her, but for her sake, not yours. She deserves better and more respectful treatment.

@Ozziewozzie

You are being ridiculous.

OW implies something that suited your response, that's all.

But I know, you know, the OP and every other person on this thread know she is not the OW.

So maybe just quit with trying to justify that, you used it because it looked better.

The sub text here is clear. This was more than fwb. No matter how offensive the op is about it. They clearly saw each other when the woman was in this country, and weren't in a relarionship due to distance, clearly they liked each other and the op recognises that and senses this woman is a threat to her. I'd hazard a guess her partner has even told her the reason they weren't in a relationship was due to thr impossibility of living in different continents.

Hence why she wants her to just "fuck off" and is being as derogatory as possible about her. She knows if it wasn't for distance would likely be together, she's threatened by it and wants her gone. So threatened that even a simple message of congrats sends her into an abusive tailspin.🤷‍♀️

I knew what you meant @Ozziewozzie
Ow/ ex fb
That is all pretty irrelevant.

If you're ok with your dp being
In contact with someone he had a sexual friendship with, and who would still like to continue it - fine.

Op was not comfortable and her dp said he wouldn't be either in her position.

It seems they are both happy with the out come.
End of.

It seems they are both happy with the out come

Thr long argument by text they have just had about it would indicate otherwise,,,

If you're ok with your dp being
In contact with someone he had a sexual friendship with, and who would still like to continue it - fine.

She literally commented on one post in months and said 'congratulations'

What part of that says 'I want to shag you'?

The long argument by text they have just had about it would indicate otherwise

Quiet. Do we assume from this that they don't live together? I wonder if the OP would feel less insecure if they did?

*Quite, not quiet. Obviously!

*. But he will simply ignore her in future if she comments.

This morning he has apologised for responding to her and upsetting me and said wishes I had raised it earlier on. He didn’t know how much it had upset me before (because I didn’t say anything).*

Thought that resolved it?
Was then another up date?

She literally commented on one post in months and said 'congratulations'

What part of that says 'I want to shag you'?*

She's looking for a way in.

My ex would do this.

Have you ever been the OW by any chance @Bluntness100? Or a FWB that got dumped. You're very bitter!

Have you ever been the OW by any chance @Bluntness100? Or a FWB that got dumped. You're very bitter!
There is nothing wrong or bitter in what bluntness is saying.
They just seem to be fairly well grounded in the obvious that policing social media and friends doesn't create a relationship of trust and respect.