Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

What is your relationship like with your mum?

83 replies

nightowl · 02/08/2007 19:22

Do you see her often? if not why?

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")?

How is she with your kids?

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really.

Do you ever argue?

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to?

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection?

particulary interested in lone parents opinions, but the more the better!

OP posts:

mslucy · 02/08/2007 19:23

in a word, terrible.

I have posted about it here before - we just do not see eye to eye.

lailasmum · 02/08/2007 19:25

very close we live together in a sort of extended family type set up. But then she is not at all interfering and very chilled out.

pipsqueeke · 02/08/2007 19:27

fantastic in every sence of the word. on monday she dropped everything she was doing in a minute to come down to me ad help me with DS - my hosue was a state she drove to the hospital to meet us there and then tidyed my hosue did the washing etc and made me sit on the sofa doing nothing. the next day she was there for me when I was being scanned then gave DH and I space. she really is fantastic.

BandofMothers · 02/08/2007 19:29

Very good, we are friends too.
We talk, sometimes chit chat, sometimes D&M.
She is fab with my girls and loves them to bits.
We are going out to Wicksteed Park tomorrow with my girls, and often go to the park, into town, and to her house.
Not really arguing, but get grumpy with each other sometimes.
She has the girls once a mth or so so DH and I can have date night. And has helped me move several times, tho she swore last time was the last time
I absolutely love her to bits, hope she's proud of me, and yes she always has kiss and cuddle with me and dd's when we leave.

If I had to choose between saving her and DH, I would probably let them both drown trying to decide

SuperMonkey · 02/08/2007 19:33

See a lot more of her since DS was born. She's quite emotionally restrained, I've never seen her cry for example and I can't remember the last time she kissed me, but I know she's proud of me. DS is the only person who can make her melt! I do consider us close and we never argue, but I have always found it difficult to have 'proper' conversations with her.

yaddayah · 02/08/2007 19:39

I don't have a relationship with my mother, we exchange birthday and christmas cards .. thats it.

lillypie · 02/08/2007 19:42

I have a lovely relationship with my mum,as long as I live in England and she lives in Australia

XcupcakemummyX · 02/08/2007 19:47

snap to lillypie
im in austria and she is in england

RubyRioja · 02/08/2007 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PersonalClown · 02/08/2007 19:49

Me and my mum just don't get on.
Some people say we are too different and some say we are too alike.
I see once a week on Saturdays when she picks up ds for a couple of hours.
We hardly ever speak and even then it's only small talk.
I am pretty sure that she either doesn't accept ds fully as he has autism or she's in denial.
We hardly go out and if we do it's always in a large group of friends/family.
As we hardly speak it's pretty hard to argue!
She never offers to help, in fact goes out of her way not to. I haven't had a night out in over a year because Ds will not be left with just anyone.
I've become indifferent about my mother. I spent too long trying to gain her approval or even to get some affection from her. Now I put all that energy into ds.
Proud? She's told me to my face that I was a mistake and that I ruined her life. The last time she told me she loved me was 4 years ago, by text New years eve, drunk. Can't remember the last time before that.
I'm quite sure that if I didn't have ds, we wouldn't cross paths again.
As you can see, my mum is a big issue in my life.

MyTwopenceworth · 02/08/2007 19:50

Crap.

Do you see her often? if not why? No. Because she's a mad old bat who bitches all the live long day.

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? No.

How is she with your kids? She doesn't give a crap about them.

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. No.

Do you ever argue? No. Gotta talk to argue.

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? No. "I wish I could help but...."

How do you feel about your mum? I think she's a mad old bat.

do you think she's proud of you? No

does she show you affection? No.

mistressmiggins · 02/08/2007 19:57

Im very lucky - I realise this from reading threads on MN.

Do you see her often? I see her probably 3 times a week.

Do you talk much - she is my best friend on BT cos we spend about 10 hours a month on the phone even though live 20 mins walk away

How is she with your kids? brilliant - at the mo she is having DS twice a week (school hols) and she always picks both kids up from nursery 1 day a week so I can work late wihtout feeling guilty about the kids.

Do you do anything? have sunday lunch with my brothers family too about once a month. Just been on family (my family & my brothers) 2 week hol abroad paid for by my parents

Do you ever argue? Oh yes - humdingers followed by putting phone down on occasion but never lasts.

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? helps out with kids, ironing if Id let her.

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? Love my mum....yes shes proud of me especially over last 20 mths when H left me & kids; we always kiss goodbye when leave or have hugs if feeling down

Actually going to counselling for PND & H leaving has improved our relationship cos I am more an equal now rather than mum & daughter & she lets me care for her (emotionally)

DITTO my dad

I say again how lucky I am

Original poster

nightowl · 02/08/2007 19:57

another two questions:

if your relationship is crap, has it always been?

and vice versa.

OP posts:

bcsnowpea · 02/08/2007 19:58

My relationship with my mum improved exponentially when I found out I was pregnant. She was the one person (besides dh) who supported me fully. Now, we live continents apart, but we email a lot, and we're hoping to move in with her at the beginning of next year.
She used to be very strict, which affected my siblings more than me, but she's chilled a lot in the last decade, and it's now much easier to talk to her.
She's brilliant with ds, though she doesn't get to see him much.
I know that she's proud of my bro, sis and I, regardless of what we do. I know that we're all really proud of her as well, as she is a very intelligent (speaks and teaches six languages), outgoing and kind woman.

PersonalClown · 02/08/2007 20:03

Always been crap? Yes but really came to head in my teens when I started to notice the favouritism towrds my brothers.
The blazing row that prompted my leaving home end with her yelling how I was a mistake, I ruined her life and I'm too much like my father!
She has told me that she will never tell me the name of my father as I don't deserve to know.
Ater I left home I didn't see her for 3 months till Xmas day and then I was forced there by my blokes (at the time) parents.

FioFio · 02/08/2007 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 02/08/2007 20:08

I love my mum. Very much. But it's not an adult relationship. She is the child and I'm the adult and TBH it's always been that way as long as I can remember.

She had a totally sh*t childhood. There are many people now dead whom I'd like to speak to about the way she was treated. Which is why I feel I have to treat her like a piece of bone china (even when she winds me up).

PersonalClown · 02/08/2007 20:09

I'm a lone parent BTW.

fawkeoff · 02/08/2007 20:12

ne and my mother get on better now than when i used to live with her, we are'nt overly close but things are nice.we talk on the phone every day because shes not exactly round the corner from me anymore (which i quite like really). i see her once a week on saturdays or sunday.Me and dp take dc to see her, she has a pub and many commitments so shes not a babysitting nana...but she compensates in other ways.since my twin brother died 3 years ago she has become more affectionate to me......she actually tells me she loves me now (she very rarely said it when i was growing up.....my dad made up for that tho ) she will offer me a few quid every now and then but i rarely take it......to sum it up i actually like my mum most of the time

Original poster

nightowl · 02/08/2007 20:16

another few:

what memories do you have of your mum when you were a child? are they fond ones?

did you celebrate special occasions?

what do you remember her doing most? what did you do together?

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 02/08/2007 20:19

Loads of memories of when we were children. And yes, fond mostly. But I was still aware that I had to protect her. Dad was the rock in the family.

We celebrated the normal things. She did parties beautifully and worried if it wasn't perfect.

PersonalClown · 02/08/2007 20:25

Don't know why but I don't have many memories of her when I was a child. More of being with friends etc.
We only really celebrated Boxing day. That's when the whole family would get together. Aunts, uncles, cousins etc. Most birthdays go by unnoticed especially mine (Dec 27th) Yet she needs no excuse to throw a party with no reason.
I mostly remember her working as it was before Tax credits etc and money was tight.
Hardly did /do anything together.

Rachmumoftwo · 02/08/2007 20:26

The words fraught with tension spring to mind, but I am feeling rather generous and nice this evening!

lizziemun · 02/08/2007 20:29

I see mum at least once a week. she moved into a bungalow around the corner from us last year. Although dd and me see her week dh will only see now and again.

We now talk about anything and everything, we go out at least once month with or without my sister.

Don't realy argue anymore, did when i lived at home.

Yes she will dd at the weekend or when she on holiday at the drop of a hat. For example she has been on holiday this week, she has had dd for a couple of hours everyday. She has helped me get the nursery and spare room sorted out and wash and ironed all the babies clothes and bedding this week (am 36 weeks pg).

rantinghousewife · 02/08/2007 20:29

We have quite a good relationship now but, when I was younger it was terrible. Not helped by her brutal honesty, "Oh never wanted a girl, wanted 4 boys", "I asked the nurse to take you back when you was born" etc.
So I really rebelled, developed a chip on my shoulder the size of a house (more like mount Everest, actually) and frequently used the expression "Just because I don't have a penis"!! Lol. I don't really feel it's much of an issue now, her family was the sort of family where males are idolised and that's just the way she was brought up. And I think she resented the fact that I was much closer to my dad.
We now get on really well and she's mellowed with age and I'm not so chippy. However, it has made me really careful about what I say to my children esp. in the heat of the moment.

Flip

1 2 3 4