What is your relationship like with your mum?

[nightowl]

Do you see her often? if not why?

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")?

How is she with your kids?

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really.

Do you ever argue?

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to?

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection?

particulary interested in lone parents opinions, but the more the better!

Mine is based on a state of denial. When she was bringing us up, Dad left, she lost the plot, drink problem, abusive boyfriend et al. I went off the rails, she was totally indifferent. Now I am a Mum, she is great with dh but she still drinks and is jeykl and hyde. The time is coming when I can't leave him with her as he is more aware and now he is older she is less carefull about the drinking - that will be an interesting conversation. Added to that is the total denial that anything is wrong, that she has been a crap mother. In fact in her mind she has rewritten history and none of it has ever happen. Can't discuss it as we did once and she took an over dose.
So on a day to day basis on the surface all is fine but really its crap.

I dont have any sort of relationship with my mum....we just don't speak and I don't ask her for anything.

Do you see her often? if not why? SHE LIVES 200 MILES AWAY, BUT I SEE HER 3-5 TIMES A YEAR

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? LOTS OF BOTH. WE SPEAK ON TEH PHONE 3 TIMES A WEEK

How is she with your kids? FINE

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. YES, BUT MAINLY WITH KIDS

Do you ever argue? YES!

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? YES, TODAY HAS DONE A BIG PILE OF IRONING

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? I LOVE MY MUM BUT WE ALSO ARGUE FROM TIME TO TIME. SHE SHOWS ME AFFECTION. I AM AWARE I TAKE HER FOR GRANTED (my father has been dead for over 20 years and I do rely on her support quite a lot)

I never argue with my mum. She'd probably cry.

Do you see her often? if not why? Every 10 days or so - she lives in a different city

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? constantly about EVERYTHING

How is she with your kids? Adores his very soul

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. Shopping, hols, lunch

Do you ever argue? No - she has the inability to argue with me

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? Constantly, esp with my DS

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? I adore my mum, she is my best friend. She is proud of me and we have lots of hugs. There is nothing I can't tell her.

I'm not a lone parent.

mum is my best friend. I see her everyday without fail and always speak to her in the evenings too.

I see mum mum usually once a week (if i am lucky, less often). We don't talk about much in particular as she has a tendency to repeat her appointments to me, or get up and check something irrelevant in another room.

She is rubbish with my kids. They don't like her. She has looked after them twice in ten years on her own.

We have been out together on her birthday some years.

We do not argue as such, as i refuse to rise to the bait when she mentions God.

She helps me out occaisionally with money (not as a regular thing. In eleven years she has bought me a second-hand fridge, and paid for the only holiday my children have ever been on).

I do not think she is proud of me, and she shows me perfunctory affection. But she does say she prays for me which i guess means alot to her.

Our relationship was definately better before she showed signs of Alzheimer's, but wasn't that great before that either!

I don't have any good memories ofmy mum when i was a child...i mainly remember the times that stuck out the most by their unpleasantness.

Yes, we celebrated special ocaisions, but not in a memorable way!

I remember her doing alot of housework! And i know we went to church together alot.

Hijack, godzillasbumcheek, I absolutely love your name!!

See her 4/5 times a week. She's my best friend.
We talk about everything; everyday minutae of life, ds, politics, current affairs, anything....
she's fantastic with my ds, his favourite person in the world.
We go out shopping together, for lunches when can afford; going to theatre soon.
We never actually argue though I can get tetchy with her as she is a big worrier
She helps me all the time, has looked after ds often.
I feel very close to her; I think she's very clever and I'm lucky to have her. I know she's proud of me because she has told me so.

On reading this thread, I realise even more how lucky I am. And I respect though of you so much, who haven't had a good example in their own mum but who are busting a gut to be good mums to their kids.

Do you see her often? if not why? I was very close to my mum and i used to see her 3 times a week

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? Lots of chit chat, lots of heart rendering talk to

How is she with your kids? My mum was fantastic with my dd and they were very close, my dd has very happy memories of her gran

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. We used to meet for coffee and I would often pop in to her home (my old home) chat. We would also take of for day trips, picnics, shopping or visiting relations on occassions

Do you ever argue? Not passed the age of 20

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? Mum used to always help out we would baby sit at the drop of a hat and cleaned my house from top to bottom when I was in labour. My second pg i was staying at my grandfathers and she came down on the coach, that night I was very sick and she sat up with me all night to make sure I was ok - yet she was dieing

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? I think she was very proud of me and would be proud of me now.

particulary interested in lone parents opinions, but the more the better! I was only a lone parent for the last 5 months, then my mum passed away

what memories do you have of your mum when you were a child? are they fond ones? Holidays in Devon visiting grandparent, picnics on exmoor

did you celebrate special occasions? Always birthdays and christmas

what do you remember her doing most? what did you do together? Laughing, showering me after being on the beach, her very soft skin and her wicked dry sense of humour

Well my relationship with my Mum is not great either these days.

Do you see her often? if not why?.
Usually on a Thursday in her home town if she is around. If she isn't I go visit her hometown anyway.

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")?. Mainly chit chat.

How is she with your kids? Unsupportive and uninterested.

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. Well she'll meet me at the shops in her hometown if she is about.

Do you ever argue? No. Must talk to argue.

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to?. Offer to - never!!. Overall I try not to ask her for help unless I'm really desperate and there's absolutely no other person I can ask.
(MIL says, "I wish I could help but...." to her sister).

How do you feel about your mum? Very sad to see her showing such a lack of interest since DS was born. Instead showing more interest to people she hardly knows (my son's friend's children in Italy). Both my parents will help my single and childless brother no end by running around after him. My Mum cleans his house for him and gets some shopping for him.

Do you think she's proud of you? Well if she is she has not told me. I separated from them and made my own path a long time ago.

does she show you affection? No.

My relationship with my Mum is reall good. I cant tell how she is with my dc as I am due with my first in November. She is very involved in the pregnancy though and cant wait for the baby to get here.

We do speak on the phone every day and I see her about 4-5 times a week.

When I was in my first trimester mum was a star, she came over once a week to help DH with the housework so that I didn't have to do anything while I was so tired.

We go away for a girly weekend once a year to a health spa and generaly go out for lunch once a month.

We weren't always so close though as I dont think mothers and daughters are supposed get on when daughters are teenagers!!

Mum has already said that when the baby is here she is going to come to my house to do cleaning and cooking untill Dh and I are in a routine with the baby.

I feel very very lucky to have a mum like mine, I love her to bits and wouldn't be without her.

Mine is a terribly sad story (easily found on the long-running thread). I have cut her out of my life, and anyone who thinks this is a callous thing to do will change their mind after reading the thread. But I`ll write about how my relationship was with her before I had to break contact.

Do you see her often? if not why?
Christmas, summer when I was home from university. Didn`t spend any quality time with her as she worked very full time, including evenings and weekends.

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")?

WE could talk about the state of the world, laugh at something on a film or a comment one of my brothers made.

How is she with your kids?
She hasnT seen my daughter . I took a long flight to the UK when DD was 3 months to show the baby. My mum wouldnt come to see her because I HAD to meet her at her place, or not at all. I was thrown out of last time I went in the middle of the night in a rough area that I dont know very well far away from any family. I CouldnT let that happen again with a baby in tow.

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really.
We did go out for a meal now and again, and I did enjoy it. It was very rare, I can count the occasions on one hand.

Do you ever argue?
Not any more!! before that we argued fiercely for as long as I can remember. She couldnt accept that she couldnt control all aspects of my life

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to?
Yes, she offered to help financially with my wedding. I refused because there is always an emotional interest in anything she gives. But she has always helped me financially (but then again, I was a dependant child) and I accepted this as a pay back for the fact I never saw her because she was always at work. She went ballistic when I refused her financial help, and since then has felt "insulted".

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection?
She is an affectionate person, just very disturbed. Any good parts in my life, she takes the credit for (got a degree, and am married with a baby). THats ALL thanks to her input. Any bad parts in my life (my character flaws) were there when I was born or have been influenced by my father.
So yes- if Ive done well, shes proud (and I should be grateful to her), If I`ve done badly, its because I was born bad and despite her "help" I ended up like this- wanting to get married at a time that suited me is an example of my "badness".

Do you see her often? if not why? well shes dead now but when i used to live in the area it was once a week

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? proper - sometimes we put the world to rights - more of a currrent affairs kind of conversation

How is she with your kids? she was ok with one of them when he was little but she didn't like them very much i think

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. go to town occasionally - we did an art class together one year

Do you ever argue? arguments were not solved easily and meant not talking for years - so yes we argued once and didn't speak for 2 years

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? she never offered but i could ask her for money if i was absolutley desperate.

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? not much affection, don't know if she was proud of me - i suspect she was dissapointed that i had children, wasn't slim and didn't live it up in a grungy MC student way.

particulary interested in lone parents opinions, but the more the better!

i'm not a lone parent - but my mum was a widow?

what memories do you have of your mum when you were a child? are they fond ones? she was an outstanding excellent mum until i was 12. my nan lived with me so i suspect this helped a lot as she was brill, once my nan moved out i realised my mum was a loon.

did you celebrate special occasions? i can't remember any - we must have, but i dont remember AT ALL a birthday or XMas day. which i think is weird. must be something to do with my psyche

what do you remember her doing most? what did you do together? i don't understand the 1st part of the question. As an adult we went shopping in town and went to an art class, she came to visit me in sussex, i stayed with her occasionally when i went to oldham.

if this is something about how her parenting affects mine - i think the answer is hugely. she was great when i was a kid and she showed me that playing with your kids is important, that the state of the house is not important. She neglected to prepare me for adulthood, money, how much things cost. she didn't work or claim single parent benefits - she lived off my dads pension and a widows pension. Money matters came as a shock when i had my first child at 17. so this neglect spurred me to do this with my children.

I Love my mum.
I see her every couple of months. She lives an hour away.
She is brilliant with ds and he adores her.
Yes we go out her and me for a meal, or her me and ds. And dh loves going to her house bc she is a brill cook.
Not argue no. But I told her when she really hurt me.
She has had ds a couple of times.
She is very proud of me and very affectionate.
I apreciate how lucky I am and dread losing her.

Sorry add on:
chit chat : We do both - but more d&m, than chit chat.

My relationship with my Mum is very close. She was a lone parent if that's any help to you nightowl
We talk a lot on the phone. She lives two and a half hours away. She comes to stay about once a month
We have rows but as it was just the 2 of us when I was growing up we shared everything as indeed we do now
She can say things to me that noone else can
She is the wisest woman I know and I love her
It's her Birthday today, so Happy Birthday Mum
xx

I love my mum, we didn't used to get on too well when I was a child{teenager, but since having my own kids we have been getting on really well and our relationship has really come into its own.

She is one of my best friends as well as my mum and we talk on the phone every day - don't get to see her as much as I'd like to because they live in Germany, but we holiday together at least once a year and would see each other every 6 weeks or so. She helps me lots - financially, practically, emotionally. She is proud of me and tells me so.

I write all this with tears in my eyes - my mum has terminal cancer and maybe 2 months left if that. Don't know how I'm going to cope

geekgirl
so sorry to hear that - love to you
XX

Great. She lives 12o miles away,. so I don't see her that much, but she has this thing htat she has to see DS once a month, so she won't be a stranger to him as he grows up.

She's never been bossy with me about ds - which is quite amazing as she's quite bossy about other things LOL!!!

When he first arrived I gave her the Baby Whisperer and the GF book to read, so she knew where I was coming from - I didn't stick to them religiously but I felt they had some good ideas. It was very different to how she brought me and my brother up, but she's never made me feel as if I'm doing anything wrong, or questioned my judgement.
(DS is the happiest, easiest baby in the world, so she couldn't really tell me I was doing it wrong anyway!)

She's a fab Mum and Granny, and we're all very lucky to have her.

it was pretty good until my dad died. now it is polite and i see her and support her as best i can but she has a boyfriend and i find it really difficult.
she and my dad were together for nearly 50 years and he did everything for her. then he died and it was less than a year before boyfriend was a really heavy item. i understand it would be impossible for her to be on her own but she has total sensitivity bypass. my dad never gets mentioned and she talks about bf as if he is some kind of god. really hard.
i try but i get barbed with her if we are together for too long. so we have short impersonal visits. she loves my kids but even they are very low down on her priority list now - compared to new dresses to wear out with the wonder-hobbit.
hmmn am i hijacking with my uncontrollable bitterness?

I love my mum but it is a smothering/controlling kind of relationship.
If we are getting on too well then I know something will happen round the corner to spoil it. I'm constantly waiting for the fallout really.
She lives a few hours drive away and struggles to understand why we don't go there more often ( we make it probably every 5-6 weeks) but MIL lives the same time away in opposite direction so I feel very keenly that we have to be fair to both sets...
She hasn't really cottoned on that I am now a 'grown up' too and worries constantly about me/ my behaviour/ our finances/ my health etc.
On the rare occasion they visit she expects to be waited on hand and foot, doesn't seem to notice my dd apart from to criticise /worry about her.
However, she came when I was ill and thoroughly enjoyed taking responsibility for my life. I think she can't bear not to be the adult in control.
I think TBH I made it worse because I was so reluctant to rock the boat at home I never really did the rebelling thing and she had too long where I just did what she said to keep the peace Now if I disagree in any way she acts mortally wounded and goes cold. I still can't bear it TBH and hope I never am like it with my dd.

Reltionship: non-existent

Do you see her often? if not why? Haven't seen her for 14 years.

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? Never, and never have really.

How is she with your kids? Trying to get access to kids she only knew excisted 2 years ago.

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. nothing

Do you ever argue? Would do 100% of the time.

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? Never has.

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? Don't like her or understand her. Never shown me any affection or that she is proud of me.