What is your relationship like with your mum?

[nightowl]

Do you see her often? if not why?

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")?

How is she with your kids?

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really.

Do you ever argue?

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to?

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection?

particulary interested in lone parents opinions, but the more the better!

I love and admire my mum to bits - she's pushing eighty, has more energy than I have and is enjoying a disgraceful retirement. She is utterly selfless, wise, funny and I know that she would do anything for any of us.

She treats my children as though they are the funniest, cleverest creatures in the world and they love seeing her..

She has had quite a hard life in a lot of ways but I've never heard her complain; she's just very positive and always looks on the bright side of things.

Recently I have split up with my dp but she has managed to support me whilst maintaining a civilised relationship with him.

We rarely argue, but when we do we really go for it and are both upset; i didn't speak to her for two months once.It felt like an age.

although she's got a great line in rude jokes I could never talk to her about sex. she would never say that she's proud of me to my face but I know she is. I would feel mortified to tell her directly that I love her but she knows I do. We give each other a peck on the cheek when we see each other but that's it.

She doesn't often criticise me but when she does she's usually right and I,m surprised by how upset I am by it.

She has never interfered in any of my relationships, even the more disastrous ones and in the past if I was wrapped up I wouldn't call her for weeks on end but when i did she would just sound delighted to hear from me and carry on as always.

When I was a teenager I think we hated each other sometimes but since I have had children we are very close.

I speak to her 3-4 times a week on the phone and we visit her or vice versa every couple of months.

I really can't imagine life without her - it brings tears to my eys just to think of it.
uncretainty andcretainty andand I have relied on jh

not sure about that last line!

zookeeper, your mum sounds lovely.
Even the part about you feeling you hated each other during the teenage years- so natural and so healthy when its in the right context.
Im always very suspicious of peoples relationship with their mother, if they NEVER have cross words. It almost seems as though if they did fall out, the whole facade would come crumbling down. My DH idolises his mother- she can do no wrong. Its very eery and bizzare, and I feel that hes scared to scratch the surface of who she <span class="italic">really</span> is as a person because of what he may find underneath. I also believe that how much time people spend with their mother is NOT an indication of how great the relationship is ( a bit like a couple). In fact, sometimes the mother needs to let go of her daughter and give her space for the relationship to be a healthy one. I spoke to a neighbour recently, whose daughter lives abroad. She smiled smugly and told me she speaks on the phone to her every day, and seemed to expect that I would be impressed by their close relationship. I wasnT.

In ans to the op - my relationship with my mum is quite complicated and conflicted.

I love her and feel protective of her. She I jknow, loves me, and my children.

I spend too much time with her at the mo. as she lives near by and comes a couple of times a week to help with the kids. She is good with young children, especially babies.

She is a widow and has no friends so she is far to reliant on me and my brothers and sisters for a purpose. She has been unable to develop an independant life.

Her many problems make it difficult to have a traditional relationship with her. I don't have a huge amount of respect for her unfortunately I would love to wave a wand and make her whole.

She is proud of all her kids and tries to show her affection but depression does make her rather self-centred - this doesn't bother me. I just wish I didn't feel so responsible for her happiness - she spends so much time doing f-all waiting for me to call with something for her to do - that does me head in!

I know I will not put my dc's in that position - I am responsible for my own life/ purpose - if anything I am overly self-reliant.

I should add she was as good a mum as she could be - my siblings and I were very well cared for and loved- unfortunately her poor relationship with my dad and her depression overshadowed much of my later childhood. I actually think I had the best deal as my younger sibs were around for a few years after dad died and everything got worse while i skipped off to uni.

I'm quite glad to have found this thread. It made me realise I wasn't doing my best with my mum so I called her this morning and we had quite a nice chat, for a change.

thanks, nightowl

I'm an only child. My mother's 79 & I see her twice a week (once is for us to and do our weekly shopping, and once is a quick visit for a couple of hours to do hoovering, cleaning bathroom etc). I'm nearly 30 weeks pregnant, still working full time, and am currently finding my mother a bit of a strain, which I feel terrible about.

She was recently in hospital (nothing life threatening) and seemed to relish being the centre of attention, which is fair enough. However, since being in hospital it's like the world revolves around her. I ring her each day after work, and always ask how she is. She always replies 'so so' with a sigh. When I ask how my Dad is, she always says 'oh he's fine'. But he's really far from fine. He's currently having tests for possible prostate cancer, and I know he's worried, but my mother doesn't seem concerned. She rarely asks how I am.

We used to go for Sunday lunches etc, but no longer. I'd arrange to pick her up, and then when I turned up at the door to collect her she'd often announce 'Oh I can't be bothered to go', which really annoyed me. She never thought to ring me at home to tell me beforehand, so saving me a wasted journey. So now I no longer suggest trips out.

We never argue, but that's mainly because I just want a quiet life without a horrible atmosphere. When she annoys me, I know I should tell her how I feel, but I just bite my lip & say nothing. Then I come home all upset, and pour it all out to my dp. He says I should have it out with her, and tell her when she's being selfish. He's right but I just can't do it.

I feel so awful moaning about her, as she is kind in that she buys me occasional gifts & gives me petrol money etc for taking her shopping, and slips me some money to put in my savings account every so often, and she has given me some money to buy a pram for the baby.

I don't know if she's proud of me. When I was younger (about 7 maybe) I overheard her telling my auntie (her sister) that she really wanted a boy. This really stuck in jy mind. Possibly because of this I chose a 'traditionally-male' career, and am doing well at it. However, my mother has never sais if she's proud of me or not. My dad has told me he is proud of me. I'm sure my mother is really, but has a stiff upper lip & can't tell me.

Do you see her often? if not why? Yes I see her about 3 - 4 times a week.

Do you talk much (idle chit chat or "proper talking")? Yes, all the time.

How is she with your kids? Absolutely fantastic.

Do you do anything? ie go out for a meal or anywhere really. Yep, go out for days out with the whole family.

Do you ever argue? Never

Does she ever help you out in any way, or offer to? All the time. Don't know how I would cope without her. She's my best friend.

How do you feel about your mum? do you think she's proud of you? does she show you affection? I love her more than anyone else. Yes she is always telling me she is proud of me. We are not huggy/kissy people and don't tell each other we love one another but we both know.

You know, I never really appreciated what a precious relationship I have with my mum until I read this thread and how much I should appreciate it. I feel sad that so many don't have this and I will never take my mum for granted from now on.

It worries me that I don't have the same relationship with my dd1