Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Notcoolmum Not sure about any signs that he fancies me. He said "I'd love to" when I asked if he wanted a second date. He gave me a big hug when we met last night (but I think he probably greets most people he knows like that).
Otherwise there was no flirting or any sign that we were more than friends.

I've sent a message thanking him for my lift home. It was quite a bit out of his way.
He's read it but no replied, so I'll leave it with him now.

@rickdeckard thank you for that recommendation, I hadn’t heard of crew clothing, they have some nice polos there. (And well done on all your dates!)

@cassettesarecool thanks for that, I didn’t think of Next, I might pop into my local one later. I have perfected a disdainful look and head shake when I see what ex is wearing. He really doesn’t have a clue. It is really refreshing going out with someone who doesn’t only wear black and grey. Also my ex used to wear old man pyjamas that he NEVER washed so I used to buy them for him as presents. Mr R sleeps naked which I much prefer.

@ccgirr @shitwithsugaron I thought about some kind of overnight stay (if grandparents can have my dc) or activity but will involve a conversation and I wanted to surprise him. I would love to get tickets for a band or show or even hot air balloon but it shows how I don’t yet know him that well to know what he’d like. The love honey scratch cards look good - when I get divorced will my ex see my bank statements? I was talking about getting some toys with Mr R and he has offered to pay for them for privacy from ex!

@woomawang. OMG 24 viewings! I can’t imagine keeping my house tidy even for a week! Congratulations!

@iris27 I used to send people a polite decline message but some argued back!

Lovely news @harmlesschap

@echoelephant I get why you don’t want to ask for a third date but honestly just do it. If you really like him but he’s shy you could both lose out.

After the success of last night's date with Ms SkinnyBlonde we've decided to seize the opportunity of her next few child free days and are going for a walk tomorrow and cinema on Monday.

Such

@StealthNinjaMum you have to print off an entire years worth of bank statements. Hopefully he wouldn't read the one that said "sex toys for using with new man" but he might. I had paid for a month on tinder but he didn't notice. And I am similarly to you living mainly off maintenance (I think you are?) so felt like it was him funding it!

Thanks @Peanuthedz you've remembered correctly I am a sahm. Actually I have a feeling ex wouldn't have heard of lovehoney! Perhaps if he had we wouldn't have separated

I'm with you on the PJs. Ex used to cycle to work in Lycra. And not take it off or shower before bed. Sometimes he slept in the top half. And I've just remembered he wore the same pair of swim shorts 24/7 every.single.day on holiday. For up to 3 weeks.

@WooMaWang that's brilliant news! We should create a link to it for that "other" thread!
@EchoElephant do you think your iron just doesn't know how to flirt? My ex had no clue whatsoever
@Peanuthedz My ex used to wear the same jumper for days and days. He had some sort of medical condition (he hid it from me and I only found out when I was moving out as stuff hidden at the back of the bathroom cabinet) that made his hair / scalp smell - his jumper used to stink after a while and was frankly repulsive.. (sorry if gross)

A bit annoyed - had about 7 matches on Bumble, wrote to them all and they've all disappeared! I hadn't really been on for a while though maybe I came across as being too flaky. I've a couple of weeks being mostly child-free so want to make the most of it!!

Woohoo!!
Home from holidays and the men on my beeline are actually located close enough to my house to make it more than just a text exchange!!

@midcenturylegs I've no idea! I'm finding him really hard to read.
It's taken him all day to reply to my text. I thanked him for driving me home. He replied, 6hours after reading it with........"my pleasure".

I think I have to do what @StealthNinjaMum suggests and just ask if he wants to meet again.

Would it be ok if I just say "let me know if you want to meet again?"

My XH is a good-looking man and I always enjoyed buying him nice clothes, so I don't see why I should stop for birthdays and Christmas and he does seem to appreciate it (what his GF makes of it is another matter he he). He was also extremely sanitary and never wore PJs. He wasn't all bad, the silly old fool!

Hey, have sometimes found dating demoralising and had a couple of disasters too !
Got stood up a few weeks ago, I texted him to see what happened and nothing. Still online, still posts pics etc. I decided it was a waste of energy to have a go at him. He then liked one of my photos a few days later.

I had a date with a guy who seemed to want a girlfriend so badly, which of course is nothing wrong with wanting somebody, but I feel like he just liked the idea of a girlfriend and that I could have been anyone. Even before our date he would double text me if I hadnt replied within an hour, good night texts when we had been speaking for 3 days. Wanted to give him a chance and thought maybe he was just overexcited. Didn't see a 2nd date with him, politely said my goodbyes.
5 minutes after our date ended he texted me telling me what we could do for our 2nd, without having even agreed to one. Then said to me, 'I could tell you were very nervous' even though I had been the complete opposite. Then when I politely déclined a 2nd date and said I wasn't feeling it he said 'I could tell you werent interested from the very beginning'. So why pursue me then ?! I guess it was to make himself feel better which I do understand.

The most memorable date I have ever had was abroad about 3 years ago. Id met him on a night out and he seemed cool. During our date he said "oh by the way, i'm moving to Australia next month".. Right so you just want a quick fling before you go.
Then, he talked non stop about himself (perhaps nerves) and then said "damn, i've just talked about myself non stop, haven't I ?".
When I asked about his job/living situation he would not give me a direct answer and made some utterances about 'going round clubs'.
We compared grammar in our respective languages as we were from different countries, and all of his examples were about sex 🙄.
All the stories he told me seemed far-fetched and made-up. The best part of the date was when he suddenly announced that he had 'forgotten' to pay for a belt yesterday so could we go and pay for it.. So we had to take the bus up to this shop. Who the hell forgets to pay for a belt ?! Then he seemed to know every single person en route so we had to keep stopping.
Left, then suddenly get a text from him after 2 weeks of nothing " do you prefer classical or hip-hop ?" what ?! 😂

I do think that OLD requires you to have a thick skin. As another poster said, we are always told about joining more clubs etc. But even then it's about luck. I think online dating has a lot of advantages but it really should be taken with a pinch of salt. Ghosting is very common and many people on there are not even single. I do wish for all the posters here though to meet someone lovely whether online or off !

@midcenturylegs that's happened to me a couple of times and then you go back to bumble an hour later and up they pop again.
I think someone at bumble forgot to put 50p in the meter...

@Peanuthedz I’m much further north than you. Apparently I live in the best selling area of a very popular area of the city. So that helps. And my house is worth less than £300k so FTBers (and second time buyers) can actually afford it.
It must be tough in London. I hope you manage to shift yours soon.

MrSG and I viewed a really lovely (and massive) house today and have put in an asking price offer. We’re waiting to hear back. We can afford to pay more (quite a lot more) and are willing to basically outbid anyone else for it. It’s 2 streets away from where I currently live and pretty much perfect for what we need. It’s £170k under our maximum budget, so there’s plenty of wiggle room there. 😂 I’m guessing we won’t hear any more til Monday now. I’m impatient though.

Sorry to hear you have the post holiday blues, @Notcoolmum. I was a class of fauna including lobsters previously. We’ve been together just over a year and pretty much live together (between 2 houses) as it is. So it makes much more sense to buy one big house and stop living out of bags.

At least you remember it was a good kiss @kermitrulesok. 😁

I’m glad you’ve all escaped these unsanitary exes. My ex was a shit (and not good looking) but he was, at least, clean.

I'm pleased things are working out so well for you woo, good news stories are always welcome. You do make me feel old: both the idea of ever moving again, and of living full-time with a (shudder) man, appal me! But I am at a very different stage of my life. Where there are families to blend, it makes perfect sense I guess.

Newbie

Looking for advice on FB, it’s my first one and very happy with the situation. But what is the protocol for FB. How often do you have sex? How often do you text each other? How do you keep the lines clear?

My FB texts everyday always asking how I am and then it’s all sex chat. It feels a lot, always him texting first. Meet up once every two weeks for sex or when we can.

Betty I don't think there are rules as such, it's what you're both happy with. Sounds like he wants the sex chat every day and you find this a bit much? If so, say so.

It’s too much I worry he is getting attached to me.

@betty you definitely need some ground rules with him. Personally I'd be worried he was using me for wank fodder. There's no one rule for this type of relationship. Personally I don't like speaking more than every few days but that's just my nature.

Mr Smile currently has a nickname of Mr Twat and is at great risk of being dumped (as much as a new iron can be....) This of course has nothing to do with my hormones so I'm lying low until I'm feeling more rationale.

I think different people will want different things, @CassettesAreCool. As well as the stage of life thing. Living with MrSG feels like exactly the right thing to do and much simpler than the current between 2 houses situation. We’ve got 4 kids between us (between 19 and 2) and being in one house where everyone has their own designated space will be much better.

But others would do almost anything to avoid blending families, because that’s better for them. And loads of women feel horrified at giving up their own space to live with someone again. I can really understand that.

I use him more than he uses me for that, I don’t like having a normal chat with him so turn it into sex.

Yeah it was the conversations I was referring too. Not meetups

So was I @Ginmel

Hey, I've arranged another date with the guy I'm speaking to on Monday and was planning on having the exclusive chat with him then. Again he has been consistent with messaging but this evening has gone quiet after saying he was having a pizza with his brother 🤨 I think it's obvious he is on a date and I'm really annoyed that he has lied about what he is up to. On the last few dates we've had he has been on his phone a couple of times which made me feel like I wasn't a priority. Not sure if I should wait until Monday or just message him and ask if he is dating others? Thing is I have multi dated in the past so I understand trying to keep your options open but I feel so worthless when I think he is on a date. What should I do?