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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

About to see the guy who ghosted me - HELP!

163 replies

Floopyandtired · 04/08/2019 16:05

I’ll try to keep it short. Had been seeing a new guy for a few months but taking it slow due to DC being involved. He left for basic training 12 weeks ago and I basically never heard from him again. We have mutual friends and he kept in touch with most of them. He was even messaging one of them while I was in the pub with them on Friday night. But he completely ghosted me. It’s like he joined up and forgot I existed.

Anyway, I am going to a birthday meal tonight and he’s going to be there. I messaged him yesterday just basically saying I was hurt that he ghosted me and I would never expected it if him. Obviously he’s ignored it.

But I’m cacking it about tonight. The ship has sailed and there’s absolutely no going back but I don’t know how to be around him, what to say, whether to give him a hard time or kill him with kindness... please help!

OP posts:
helpmeiamatoad · 04/08/2019 23:44

His reaction sounds ridiculous, you definitely dodged a pulled OP, but I am confused as to why you told him ‘he can go if he wants to.’ Surely there’s some context? I hope you hadn’t agreed to go back to his or vice versa!

fedup21 · 04/08/2019 23:44

I don’t understand why you said that? Why did you talk to him at all?!

ZiggyB · 04/08/2019 23:47

He sounds like a twat and you had a lucky escape.

colourlessgreenidea · 04/08/2019 23:48

some other friends are heading into town and I say I’m not keen as I have work tomorrow but that he can if he wants to . He the loses the plot, goes full on nutter, saying I am telling him what to do

I’d love to read this thread from his perspective. I’m getting the impression that things are not quite as they’re being presented here.

Sounds like he’s the one who had a lucky escape.

PumpkinP · 04/08/2019 23:52

Clearly the op was hoping he would come back to hers instead 😂👀

Sagradafamiliar · 04/08/2019 23:53

Cos she was offering him back to hers.

Sagradafamiliar · 04/08/2019 23:54

Oh, cross post!

Skittlenommer · 04/08/2019 23:58

I was on your side originally but I think you could have handled things better. People advised against drinking as it was a vulnerable situation. I would have just presented myself as having the best time and not given him a second thought.

Now he knows you’re still hung up on him, have no closure. Especially after your ‘you can if you want to’ comment which implies perhaps that you expected him to leave with you (could be wrong)! I’m not surprised he got upset at that to be honest.

I don’t think you’ve come out of this as strongly as you could have. It would have been better to accept he’s just not that into you and move on with your life.

Lesson learned!

pebblemix · 04/08/2019 23:59

Oh dear...

FazakerlyJackie · 05/08/2019 00:03

That went well.Hmm
Next please....

Craptop · 05/08/2019 00:19

Eh?

BumbleBeee69 · 05/08/2019 00:59

After about an hour I couldn’t help myself, he was by himself and I went over and basically asked what the deal was. Fast forward a couple of hours and all is ok

WTF.. Confused

LellyMcKelly · 05/08/2019 01:48

Well, at least you know it’s over.

coatlessinspokane · 05/08/2019 06:24

OP please explain the “go if you want to” comment because it does sound a bit presumptuous unless you’d arranged to spend the night together and if so, why on earth would you forgive him so quickly?

NoCauseRebel · 05/08/2019 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pillowcased · 05/08/2019 06:35

Honestly, OP. This is like a case study in How Not to Deal Effectively With Being Ghosted.

ThanosSavedMe · 05/08/2019 06:53

Why would you tell him he can go if he wants. He didn’t need your permission. Yes he over reacted but I’d be pissed off if someone gave me permission to do something in this kind of situation.

Bignicetree · 05/08/2019 07:05

How’s your head this morning ?

dragonflyflew · 05/08/2019 07:12

You don’t need closure. He’s a cunt, end of.
Ignore him and have fun.

dragonflyflew · 05/08/2019 07:19

Ugh just read updates. What a disaster. Tbf if he’s got kids and joining the forces then he’s clearly not attached to them in a major way so he’s going to have even less loyalty to you.
It’s not you it’s him. Now you can move on.

SummerInTheVillage · 05/08/2019 07:19

No idea why you gave him a chance to explain. He's a cunt. Obvious to everyone except you.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 05/08/2019 07:22

What a shitty comment @dragonflyflew - so no military person is attached to their children or family Hmm

CupoTeap · 05/08/2019 07:28

Why did you best mate invite him anyway Confused

dragonflyflew · 05/08/2019 13:08

Grannyweatherwax no that’s not what I meant of course not! But someone who joins the forces when they have children , yes I question their attachment. From the op’s posts I imagine these people aren’t old and therefore his kids are likely to be young. Who ups and leaves their kids for a job that will potentially take them far away for long periods of time when they could choose something nearby and be available for them?

ShirleyPhallus · 05/08/2019 13:14

Why did you say to him “if you want”?!