About to see the guy who ghosted me - HELP!

[Floopyandtired]

I’ll try to keep it short. Had been seeing a new guy for a few months but taking it slow due to DC being involved. He left for basic training 12 weeks ago and I basically never heard from him again. We have mutual friends and he kept in touch with most of them. He was even messaging one of them while I was in the pub with them on Friday night. But he completely ghosted me. It’s like he joined up and forgot I existed.

Anyway, I am going to a birthday meal tonight and he’s going to be there. I messaged him yesterday just basically saying I was hurt that he ghosted me and I would never expected it if him. Obviously he’s ignored it.

But I’m cacking it about tonight. The ship has sailed and there’s absolutely no going back but I don’t know how to be around him, what to say, whether to give him a hard time or kill him with kindness... please help!

@VenusTiger there’s no chance at all he thinks I was ending it. I can’t remember who initiated it, it kind of just naturally came up if you know what I mean? I can’t see how he might think it was over. I sent him two “hope everything’s ok, miss you” type messages over the last couple of months which he’s read and ignored, then the message last night and that’s it

Op there's no conversation you can have with him that'll give you the answers you want. You shouldn't even have text him but deal with it tonight by going and pretending he doesn't exist.

Make sure you look fantastic and are constantly smiling, chatting to others and enjoying yourself. If he tries to speak to you, respond like he's someone you barely know then remove yourself.

He probably met someone else

Ok so you’re all giving similar advice which is good because it means I know what to do. I will be breezy and aloof but polite if needs be. I will look great. I will post on this thread if I have a wobble. I will drink singles, not doubles...

And yeah I totally agree that he’s probably met someone else, I’m very prepared to hear this and have practiced my poker face for if/when it comes up.

Breezy does it. Especially if he turns up with a date. Try not to worry, enjoy yourself.

good grief, what a nightmare for you.. good luck OP

Ignore him! Try not to sit near him. I doubt he will try to sweet talk you. I bet money on him being with someone else.

and actually He's the knob, not you. Remember that.

Good luck, breezy, aloof and polite is perfect.

“Oh, hello! I wondered if you were dead!”

Good luck, I hate these sorts of situations but if you just stay breezy and chatty with the other people people you know it'll be over before you know it.

Yep, breezy. There's no other option after your text from last night really; he already knows you're hurt, otherwise I'd have said to style it out and pretend not to care.

I hope it goes well. Have water between alcoholic drinks to stay more sober

I wanted him to know he’d hurt me and his actions have consequences. Not that he cares. If he - or anyone - tonight asked me if he’d hurt me I would say yes, I’m not going to lie. I think it’s important to be honest and expect the same back in return.

Given that he has shown himself to be a coward I would be very surprised if he actually turns up.

Good luck @Floopyandtired

Hope you manage to have a nice night out regardless

I think that’s the correct response if anyone asks. If he brings it up, I’d say the same but as if it’s in the past so he knows the impact of his actions but that you’re now over it and moved on. Nice and casual.

Do you have to go? I would avoid it if it were me.

@Floopyandtired well, in that case, it’s likely he might not turn up tonight?
Either way, don’t change for his sake. Go as you and enjoy yourself.

I’d be surprised if he didn’t turn up. He’s never one to turn down a drinking session. I know why some might advise me not to go but I’m not going to miss my best friends birthday bash over a boy!

I think that text was a bit embarrassing and if you ignore him tonight you’d look childish. I’d say hello (just acknowledging him being there across the table is enough, you don’t have to make a point of seeking him out), but then spend the rest of the night talking to your friends. You’ve made your point and anything else said to him about why he did it OR acting all sunshine and rainbows will just make him think you’re cray cray and he’ll be glad he dropped you. I’d stick with bare minimum politeness and leave it at that.

Do the people you know all know what he did? Will you at least have some friends around who you can talk to without them involving him in the chat?

Also, he's a dick. You just stand tall!

Just ignore his existence and have a great time. I'll be surprised if he turns up anyway as he's gone to great lengths to avoid you.

I am on my way

I do t think he needs to know he hurt you... just smile, say hello then get on with the rest of the evening.

Who cares why he ghosted you? He's a twat! I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking he's bothered you.

Hope you manage to have a good time. Horrid situation. Well done you for going.