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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

About to see the guy who ghosted me - HELP!

163 replies

Floopyandtired · 04/08/2019 16:05

I’ll try to keep it short. Had been seeing a new guy for a few months but taking it slow due to DC being involved. He left for basic training 12 weeks ago and I basically never heard from him again. We have mutual friends and he kept in touch with most of them. He was even messaging one of them while I was in the pub with them on Friday night. But he completely ghosted me. It’s like he joined up and forgot I existed.

Anyway, I am going to a birthday meal tonight and he’s going to be there. I messaged him yesterday just basically saying I was hurt that he ghosted me and I would never expected it if him. Obviously he’s ignored it.

But I’m cacking it about tonight. The ship has sailed and there’s absolutely no going back but I don’t know how to be around him, what to say, whether to give him a hard time or kill him with kindness... please help!

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 04/08/2019 20:12

Just here to say I hope you're having a good night regardless of Ghosty McNoBalls!

Breezy breezy breezy. Breezy is your best friend in these situations 😊

strawberry2017 · 04/08/2019 20:14

Good luck op, I often wished I had chance to look fabulous in front of someone who ghosted me in the past! Show him what he's missing! X

Honeyroar · 04/08/2019 20:17

You could have played it cool if you hadn't text him last night. That's kind of ramped up the awkwardness. He knows he hurt you, that's why he was too cowardly to answer you. You're not going to get any answers from him or conversation, he has already shown he hasn't got the balls or manners.. I wouldn't pretend to flirt with anyone else, just try and sit at the other end of the table with your friends and genuinely have fun with them.

I'm kind of 🤔 at what kind of best friend invites someone who ghosted her best friend to a small dinner party!

Joans3rddaughter · 04/08/2019 20:18

We're holding your hand.

Zippy25 · 04/08/2019 20:19

If you really want to go, go and have a great time. Show him you no longer care. Be civil if you have to talk to him but I don't think you should bother initiating conversation. Just concentrate on enjoying yourself Thanks

Honeyroar · 04/08/2019 20:20

Forgot to say that the "down ten pints and head but him" would certainly break the tension and give the group a conversation starter!

Be aware that he might have/talk about a new girlfriend..

Wynston · 04/08/2019 20:31

Hows it going op???

Original poster
Floopyandtired · 04/08/2019 20:37

Ok. I am here. We have talked. He’s said he thought it was over even though everything suggests otherwise. He wants to be friends. I’m so confused and slightly tipsy.

OP posts:
Zucker · 04/08/2019 20:39

He's re writing history. Stay away from him especially as you're now tipsy.

Nearlyfriyay987654 · 04/08/2019 20:40

Step away from him OP and stop talking to him..... tipsy is fine... but he is bullshitting you to make the situation easier for him.

Go and have a few glass of wines with your friends!

ElspethFlashman · 04/08/2019 20:41

Friends = "potential future booty call"

Remember, if a guy is into you, you'll know it - if he's NOT into you, you'll feel CONFUSED.

MaeveDidIt · 04/08/2019 20:42

He ghosted you and now he's being a head-fuck - stay AWAY from him. This will end in tears again and you will be so pissed-off with yourself.

MaeveDidIt · 04/08/2019 20:43

... plus he's a coward for not returning your texts. Stupid excuse of a man.

LeeScoresbysBalloon · 04/08/2019 20:46

He’s lying and trying to make himself feel better. Stay away! Have fun with your friends and ignore him now.

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/08/2019 20:47

Ok. I am here. We have talked. He’s said he thought it was over even though everything suggests otherwise. He wants to be friends. I’m so confused and slightly tipsy.

No no no - no confusion. It's over and he's confirmed it.

You aren't bothered about being friends with someone who ghosted you and has proven themselves to be rude, a headfuck and a coward. You don't need to tell him that, but you need to tell yourself that.

Job done, onwards and upwards.

Maintain your dignity and do not get reeled back in!

bigchris · 04/08/2019 20:52

Tell him he's a bellend

Don't get why your best friend invited him tbh

Sagradafamiliar · 04/08/2019 20:55

He's just trying to smooth you over so you don't show him up or make things awkward for him tonight. Friends? How laughable. If he'd wanted to be friends he'd have been in touch.

ALittleBitAlexis · 04/08/2019 21:00

If he wanted to be friends he wouldn't have ignored texts. Don't let yourself be confused!

PumpkinP · 04/08/2019 21:00

Well the pp who said he would try to sweet talk the op had it spot on. Sounds like she’s falling for it, stop drinking!

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 21:01

Oh, for Christ's sake....not another "confused" woman

They generally turn out to be trolls.

TheInvestigator · 04/08/2019 21:01

He's lieing. He's playing you. He's rewriting what happened to make him a normal, good guy and you a weird girl who hung onto something. Ignore ignore ignore. Atop drinking if it's affecting your judgement.

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HollowTalk · 04/08/2019 21:02

Friends? Why on earth would you want a friend like that?

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/08/2019 21:03

Ps would a friend ignore you for weeks even when you said you were upset? Nah mate. Don't fall for it or you're being a mug!

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 04/08/2019 21:08

When an OP starts ‘I’ll try to keep it short’ you can almost guarantee that we are in for a multi thread tale designed to have people pressing F5 for the latest update.

How long till the first protagonist has a catchy acronym to go by?