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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

About to see the guy who ghosted me - HELP!

163 replies

Floopyandtired · 04/08/2019 16:05

I’ll try to keep it short. Had been seeing a new guy for a few months but taking it slow due to DC being involved. He left for basic training 12 weeks ago and I basically never heard from him again. We have mutual friends and he kept in touch with most of them. He was even messaging one of them while I was in the pub with them on Friday night. But he completely ghosted me. It’s like he joined up and forgot I existed.

Anyway, I am going to a birthday meal tonight and he’s going to be there. I messaged him yesterday just basically saying I was hurt that he ghosted me and I would never expected it if him. Obviously he’s ignored it.

But I’m cacking it about tonight. The ship has sailed and there’s absolutely no going back but I don’t know how to be around him, what to say, whether to give him a hard time or kill him with kindness... please help!

OP posts:
liverbird10 · 04/08/2019 21:08

Roundhouse him in the goolies.

Rachelover40 · 04/08/2019 21:09

What Starlight39 said 4 posts above.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 04/08/2019 21:13

Sigh

colourlessgreenidea · 04/08/2019 21:15

When an OP starts ‘I’ll try to keep it short’ you can almost guarantee that we are in for a multi thread tale designed to have people pressing F5 for the latest update.

How long till the first protagonist has a catchy acronym to go by?

Ghostzilla, anyone? Wink

Mythreefavouritethings · 04/08/2019 21:20

Oh God, i know it’s us vs the booze and his suddenly rediscovered ‘charm’/panic/‘Oh bugger, I screwed up there, wonder if I could still get a shag out of this’, but DO.NOT.MAKE.ANY.DECISIONS.TONIGHT. Step away from him if not the booze otherwise this will be your last memory of him.

visitorthedog · 04/08/2019 21:35

He’s not that into you, but you’re there now, so convenient.

readitandwept · 04/08/2019 21:36

OP, I have been ghosted and it's awful. So I mean this kindly, but please, please, get some dignity and self respect and do not go there. He's bullshitting you. You KNOW this. He's never been your friend and he's not going to start now.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/08/2019 21:39

Don't let him USE you tonight then ghost you again tomorrow OP. Hmm

Crunchymum · 04/08/2019 22:06

I had a bet with myself that something was going to happen and it was never going to be "he didn't turn up and I had a good night" Confused

HelloCheeky · 04/08/2019 22:20

I'm confused too OP. I'm confused as to what could be confusing you. He ghosted you very comprehensively. He didn't want to carry on with the relationship. This evening he's had a few drinks and you're both forced into spending time together so he's obviously going to be polite etc. But that's not confusing. It doesn't change anything.

user1481840227 · 04/08/2019 22:27

They all say stuff like that, just blatant denial or twisting of the facts.
That's why you're confused. It's weird and confusing to have people lie about something that you know isn't true!
The only way a man like that can redeem himself in any way is by fully acknowledging what he did and apologising for it. He hasn't done that so he's a prick, end of story...oh and a coward.

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/08/2019 22:39

Oh noooo she's gonna fall for it!

I'm rooting for you OP get yourself home and be proud you have your dignity and self worth intact!

Original poster
Floopyandtired · 04/08/2019 23:28

Ok. So let me start from the beginning. I arrived and he was already there. After about an hour I couldn’t help myself, he was by himself and I went over and basically asked what the deal was. Fast forward a couple of hours and all is ok, some other friends are heading into town and I say I’m not keen as I have work tomorrow but that he can if he wants to . He the loses the plot, goes full on nutter, saying I am telling him what to do, I have no right to etc. I am flabbergasted. I book a taxi and come home. I feel I’ve had a lucky escape.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 04/08/2019 23:29
Hmm
readitandwept · 04/08/2019 23:32

but that he can if he wants to

Why would you say that?

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 23:33

Are you still "confused" ?

MustardScreams · 04/08/2019 23:33

Why would you tell him he could go if he wanted?! Of course he can... it’s nothing to do with you Confused

Honeyroar · 04/08/2019 23:36

Yes it’s a bit of a strange thing to say to him.

Sagradafamiliar · 04/08/2019 23:37

Why did you say that to him? Did he ask your permission?

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 23:37

Strange all round, innit

Watchingthyme · 04/08/2019 23:37

Oh love. You didn’t do what you were supposed to. You talked to him for too long. And then did the whole “go if you want to”

Anyway. What you’ve learnt is he’s not worth it. And tonight you let him get to you

MadameButterface · 04/08/2019 23:39

You should have ignored him

People weren’t unanimously saying this for the good of their health you know

Now you are that crazy friend who went out with so and so for a bit and ruined thingy’s birthday by cornering him at it and going on at him like you were still an item

I know that’s not what happened (well ish) but that’s how it will be told after the fact

Angelf1sh · 04/08/2019 23:40

Sounds like a lucky escape all round and hopefully you won’t see each other again.

Watchingthyme · 04/08/2019 23:42

The only point I think someone would say that is if they thought the person might come back to their house. And it’s a choice

Slightly passive aggressive choice

Gah. I’ve done it. To my shame.

liverbird10 · 04/08/2019 23:43

I hope you screamed "BOOM!" at the top of your lungs after roundhousing him in the nuts .