Expectations of men as a modern woman dating...is this unreasonable?

[Turtleneckjumpers]

I'm single. I have a decent job which allowed me to buy a house in my late twenties (by no means a mansion, worth circa 220 in 2015).

I care about a nice home and want to see a bit of the world. I'm not materialistic in the sense of buying designer clothes etc (I'm a Primark person mostly!). But money bothers me. It is important to me because it is a safety net in many ways. So I work hard and hope to always be able to support myself.

Here's the question. I date. So many men have either not bought a house (I do understand this isn't easy, but by age 38 I question this!!) or in an average job earning less than I am - significantly.

I've met a lovely man, 38, good fun. But in a recent conversation he voluntarily disclosed what he earns (45k) and said he has a good bonus and car and he's happy with that. I didn't say this but i was thinking really?! Are you just going to think ok I'm happy with that?!

I've been thinking about how awful this probably makes me and how it is probably why i have been single for a few years now. Also people into their jobs are often (not always i know) not the best partners. But i can't help being bothered by this. I want someone who wants to provide and is ambitious. Am I attracted to the wrong things here or is this reasonable?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3338589-AIBU-Husband-left-family-holiday-to-go-to-work

I'm just going to leave this here....

It’s perfectly ok to end a relationship when you don’t feel into it. Not sure what the point of your post is?

I have a house from a previous life in which I had a professional career.
Personally I'd like to meet a man who ideally owns (with mortgage or not) a house or flat.
But if he rented & I really was into him then I wouldn't turn him away, I'd just be careful of his motives.

As for salary & ambition, well since I'm a PT care assistant now, i can hardly be too fussy.
But he needs to be a hard worker, solvent & not too tight or spendthrift either.

I think Pps are right to say that higher paid men are not around for their families as much as other men.
My cousin married a banker who works in the City & he actually has a little flat there that he stays in during the week!! Who knows what he gets up to. Her children are teens now so she got bored & has returned to work.

Another friend has a Lawyer as a husband, she wants to stay at home but now the kids are school age he expects her to work part time at least & she's happy too, cos again.. boredom.

I do also know 2 women who married really rich men despite 'not feeling it', both now say they have 'finally' fallen in love & both have children.

Not sure I could do that & sounds like OP can't either.

Is the poster STILL trying to claim that most people earn above 45K?

FFS.

Either she's trolling, or simply being obtuse.

My understanding of this is the poster is saying that she is interested in meeting someone with aspirations and ambition. That can be in a number of areas including career, travel, sports etc. Finding someone who is passionate, successful and ambitious can be a big turn on. Sometimes people want some one who has something about them. Ambition and/or success (rather than money) can be that thing.

But the OP has described the kind of future she wants. And that she wants her partner to be able to provide it, that would need a rich person to fund. Ambitious and poor wouldn't cut it.

Surely the crux of all of this is that when trying to find a partner you are looking for a high-earner who is career driven/ambitious? That's fine! That's what you're looking for. Lots of people aren't ambitious at all, so they're not a good match for you. Why don't you join a dating agency that specialises in matching people who fit that demographic? (There's definitely some out there but I don't want to google in case I get inundated with ads for dating agencies and poor DH will get worried!!)

When they asked 'what is your salary?' on a previous thread, the majority responded to say more than 45k
Self selecting sample there. Any chance of a correlation between those on high salaries and those who like talking about how much their earn perhaps.
Of course, a MN thread (on a forum where some shektered fools honestly think they'd be tight raising a child on £100k) that's self selecting is way more accurate than government breakdowns of wages.
Just like the OP's bubble is totally representative of society.
Is the poster STILL trying to claim that most people earn above 45K?
Oh yes. It's the gift that keeps giving.

Like turning down all these wealthy men for not being her thing, having a social group full of wealthy men who want the same thing as her, none of her expectations are out and shes just what all these men are after... But still being single.

OP did you go on the IFS website? Are you still here or have you died from shock that 84% of people earn less than 45k?

I think the OP is living proof that (supposedly) earning a high salary isn't neccessarily evidence of high intellect.

"I do still think if there was a thread with the question of what’s your salary, there would be a lot more over this than under it. Especially if you count people of all ages."

It would be a thread full of boasters and completely unrepresentative.

@FaceForRadio1973 my God! I remember that thread! Can't believe the update!

@icedpurple what’s wrong with you? Didn’t realise this forum existed for women to bring other women down.. and implying someone is of low intellect is not very nice is it?

I watched a pretty awful Channel 4 show the other day. The woman was single (ish), childless and really unhappy.
Haven't got much advice but unfortunately there's plenty like that.