Expectations of men as a modern woman dating...is this unreasonable?

[Turtleneckjumpers]

I'm single. I have a decent job which allowed me to buy a house in my late twenties (by no means a mansion, worth circa 220 in 2015).

I care about a nice home and want to see a bit of the world. I'm not materialistic in the sense of buying designer clothes etc (I'm a Primark person mostly!). But money bothers me. It is important to me because it is a safety net in many ways. So I work hard and hope to always be able to support myself.

Here's the question. I date. So many men have either not bought a house (I do understand this isn't easy, but by age 38 I question this!!) or in an average job earning less than I am - significantly.

I've met a lovely man, 38, good fun. But in a recent conversation he voluntarily disclosed what he earns (45k) and said he has a good bonus and car and he's happy with that. I didn't say this but i was thinking really?! Are you just going to think ok I'm happy with that?!

I've been thinking about how awful this probably makes me and how it is probably why i have been single for a few years now. Also people into their jobs are often (not always i know) not the best partners. But i can't help being bothered by this. I want someone who wants to provide and is ambitious. Am I attracted to the wrong things here or is this reasonable?

This thread keeps on giving.

I want a high earning man who'll provide for me.
Not provide for me as such,just keep me to the standard I want
£45k isn't enough. It's not that wealthy at all and lacks ambition
I'm not all about money because I've turned down wealthy men
Ok so it is about wealth but why shouldn't it be.
I just want to be comfortable (outlines silly definition of comfortable to match the silly idea that £45k is normal)
Page 19- but what is wealth anyway? You can't define weath?

Says the person actively seeking a wealthy man to finance an affluent lifestyle including private education and multiple family holidays a year.

It's been a good thread.

You're terrible at this OP. Anyway, if you believe this:

Wealthy can’t be defined just by that statistic

Then what statistic should be used?

rvby Not terrible at all. Some of us have been suffering from pregnancy sickness and watching rubbish on telly. This has been great.

Then how do you define wealth then? Do you understand how statistics work and why we use them?

You are either a troll, or seriously thick and not deserving of the salary you receive. Wealth is a relative term. Relative to prices usually but in this case you can make the assumption that prices are a affordable by middle and low earners. Whatever degree you have, it sure as fuck ain't economics

simone I thought we had established further up on the thread that what you earn doesn’t reflect how much ability you may have. So I could be thick and high earning I guess?

Relative to prices yes. Not relative to what Joan earns down the road.

Looks like we've made a breakthrough

The next step is accepting that you haven't got a clue on this topic

This thread is living proof that high earnings =/= intelligence

Or, indeed, the ability to reason one's way out of a paper bag.

Do they not teach statistics in medical training?? Even the bloody psychologists have to learn stats, speaking from bitter personal experience. How do you safely apply research without understanding statistics?

It might be best if you stayed single, indeed given your views and standards, at what appears to be your age, you are likely to do so.

My money's on pharmaceutical sales. It's the only possible way to make so much while being hard of thinking. Would explain the company she keeps and the attitude to progression. Sales can be a fickle master though.

"lola whilst that may be hilarious to you, why can’t someone ask that question if it’s what they want?

Personally skiing holidays aren’t for me and I think they’re a waste of money. But if someone was bothered about these things then surely they’re entitled to be?"

You can be bothered about that if you want but asking that question immediately puts you out of the 'average' wage earning bracket and a lot of people will jump on you for asking it. Your posts make it sound like you except all of that to be provided by one salary, your future DH's. Fine, if you can find someone to fund all that and be a good partner. But there is more to life than money and people can be comfortable with less than £100k income. And even if you wouldn't be, as I said upthread, making those who are feel less important than you makes you sound like a twat.

So, OP. I think you are saying that you want a rich/wealthy, ambitious man that wants to settle down and have children with you. Who also shares the same values as you and vision of how the kids should be raised and educated. And someone you will have a physical, sexual, and emotional l connection with?

It's not bad to know what you want. But you are going to be fishing in a sparse pond there, which I think you know on some level because if it weren't you'd already be coupled up and not writing this thread

simone1863 that makes sense actually. I am comforted by that tbh.

So I could be thick and high earning I guess?

That would be my guess too.

You can be bothered about that if you want but asking that question immediately puts you out of the 'average' wage earning bracket and a lot of people will jump on you for asking it.
Yes. It's the faux nativity of my hypothetical post inspired by fake clueless MNers.

Option 1 - DH and I have a good lifestyle.we have a household income of £100,000 and have got used to having a comfortable and affluent lifestyle. We've always said that we would send our children private for school and ideally would like to keep some of our holidays but would be happy to go from two to one to reflect the growing family. Can anyone in a similar situation share tips?

Option 2: DH and I aren't sure we can responsibly bring a child into our relationship but we both really want children. We have £100,000 a year but by the time we've had our holidays, think skiing and long haul we just can't see how we can provide for our potential children when they'll need school fees, music lessons, sports kid and so on. Would it be irresponsible for us to have children knowing we can't quite afford it?

Option 1 nobody would have an issue with.
Option 2 is fake naive twattery of the highest order.

Wealthy can’t be defined just by that statistic

How else do you get an objective measure? Saying that 1 in 100 people is wealthy is one way of doing it. As someone posted, that's a 200k salary for a man.

I doubt that even that amount can fund fees for 2 children, holidays and presumably a large house, Range Rover etc.

I am coming late to this thread but but initial response to the OP is WTF?? If you feel that this guy's wage is not good enough and that it shows a lack of ambition then please do him a favour and jog on - your expectations are obviously very different. I can only dream of earning a wage like his despite working very hard in a profession that I'm passionate about - does that make me and others like me failures in your eyes? What about someone with a hugely responsible and important job in the public sector with a wage that can only ever increase by small increments but whose hard work makes a difference to people's lives - does that make them unambitious? Although I don't think you meant it to be I find your OP quite horrible, judgemental and lacking in awareness.

But you are going to be fishing in a sparse pond there Could also be a case of commitment phobia and having standards that prevent having a relationship.

I know this is pages long, but what I got from the OP wasn't so much about the money but that at 38 the man had stopped being ambitious for more in his life. That would put me off too, whether a guy earned £15,000 or £150,000. Striving to expand his horizons, knowledge, experiences etc.is important for me in a partner. For a man to say to me, "oh I earn £45,000 now, I'm not bothering any more", would mean a distinct lack of interest on my part.

As if expecting a man on a reasonable salary at 38 to own his own place was a sparse pond or indicated commitment phobia! 🤣

Jesus women have low expectations on here.

Quite SevenStones.

Striving to expand his horizons, knowledge, experiences etc.is important for me in a partner. For a man to say to me, "oh I earn £45,000 now, I'm not bothering any more", would mean a distinct lack of interest on my part.

These two sentences don't follow from the other. You say that "Striving to expand his horizons, knowledge, experiences etc.is important for me in a partner." Fair enough. I feel the same way. But then you say that simply because he's - apparantly - not interested in earning more than his already well above average salary you would consider him a write-off.

Why? Firstly, in many professions you reach a ceiling pretty early on and can never earn more no matter how 'ambitous' you are. Secondly, like the poster you seem to equate money to ambition. Perhaps he feels he can "expand his horizons, knowledge, experiences etc" much more by pursuing other things in life than the next promotion and pay rise?

This just keeps getting more entertaining!