These things have happened. Am I being sensitive?

[Tumbleweedmoments]

Not sure if I’m being too sensitive and reading in to things. My DP of 5 months has started saying the following things:

Am I going to get a fake tan for holiday? I’ve said no a few times as for me personally I just don’t like actually getting it done, although I get the effects can look good! It’s just not for me.

Am I going to get a full wax? I do have hair down there and maybe a little more than most but it’s not overgrown and I keep it trim! He’s offered to pay and brings it up every week or so.

He’s told me he doesn’t know any women who would want a hairy arsehole. He’s only ventured there a couple of times but there’s no way I would wax it! I’ve told him this.

Why don’t I wear heels to work? Apparently every woman does. I have heels in the office and sometimes wear them if I feel like it. I’ve explained I never wear them to commute as it’s painful.

Why don’t I have a particular type of handbag that all girls have? This I found strange and just told him I couldn’t afford it and the handbag I have is actually far nicer and more expensive (not that that maters!)

Once during sex he was slipping out as I was on the bed and he wasn’t. He kept pulling me into him to reposition while sighing and getting annoyed asking why I kept moving away. I wasn’t, it was just the bed. He then pulled out in a rage when I got upset and wouldn’t speak to me.

Went to the beach for the day last week and on the way back we stopped at a bar. As we pulled up he asked if I was putting any male up on. I said no as I hadn’t brought any with me to the beach. He shook his head and said I knew we were stopping on the way back and this is a nice place he wanted to take me (I had known we were stopping). In the past at uni I would definitely had taken my make up. These days I am less bothered (I wear it a lot but don’t feel the need on a beach day). Maybe I am losing myself and he has a point? I would never have done that years ago with any of my ex’s. Perhaps men don’t like it in general and it’s not misty my DP.

He can be really kind and generous. He’s not mean with money and does nice things like cooks a nice meal or little surprises here and there. It is confusing and leads me to feel it’s my fault he is like this. I am quite emotionally aware and so it is possible I am being really sensitive like he says I am. I do pick up on things and read into things. I don’t want to ruin a relationship because I’m not relaxed enough, I want to work on that if it’s not fault or I am partly to blame. Please don’t hold back in your opinions. I need to know if this is me and how I can change my mindset. Thank you.

Agree LTB as fast as you can. Today, ideally.

I take it he looks like Brad Pitt does he?

Also google 'narcissist' and 'narcissistic personality disorder'
I would also recommend you read 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft.
Do everything you can to avoid these men in future.
Protect yourself.

The only hairy asshole you need to get rid of is him. Do look into the cycle of abuse and gaslighting etc as pp’s have said. He sounds like a narcissist, my ex is one that operated differently to yours and I briefly dated another after who was very much like yours (two or three dates). Fundamentally they were the same though as they both undermined my confidence and were controlling abusive men. The briefly dated one wanted to change my shampoo, conditioner and every other product I used. I was still recovering from my ex and burst into tears on the last date because all I wanted was someone to like me for me. He also texted whilst driving and didn’t stop when I asked so that was enough for me. My boundaries weren’t great at the time but I’d read enough on abusive relationships to know where it was headed (even though still full of self doubt). Please dump him and take some time for yourself to learn about red flags and abusive relationships, you deserve so much more.

'the mask is slipping'

That made my blood run cold.

For all that is good in this world please leave him lass. Now.

Me to my husband: look at the new hand bag I got, how do you like it? Him: "rolls his eyes" me: I don' t feel like putting make up, how do I look? Him: you don't need make-up, you are beautiful the way you are. Sorry but he sounds mysoginistic, sexist, controlling, condescending. What straight man cares what handbag you have? Please get out, it will get worse!

This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful and you cant get enough of each other. Imagine what he'll be like in a year or two when hes really got his feet under the table.

No body has the right to comment on your appearance like that especially not your partner who's supposed to care for you. Also the silent treatment is extremely worrying, my ex used to do this. Hes training you into behaving as he wants you too. Trust me after a while you'll be walking on eggshells and waiting for his next outburst.

A partner is supposed to build you up not tear you down and make you feel small. You can do better!

He sounds awful and the bit about the mask slipping... scary.

You should dump him and move on to find someone more worthy who will love you without make up and not treat you like an accessory. And as a parting gift i’d book him in for a “ massage” but really a wax and see how he likes it!

Has he been watching crap reality tv? It’s one thing to tell each other what turns you on but bugger this for a laugh. As he spends so much time advising you on what these ‘other women’ all do, I’d suggest he takes a shortcut and goes for the ready made doll he’s clearly after. There’s only one a-hole issue here, and it isn’t the one he’s on about.

Many moons ago I had a boyfriend who thought makeup made me look slutty, that my clothes were unsuitable, my friends were awful, and that any bloke I had a conversation with was someone I was having an affair with. I meekly changed myself, and became a horrible, anxious wreck, unsure of what his next mood swung would bring. Finally, I left. It took me years to get myself back together again, genuinely years.

Don’t be me, OP! Leave now! I now have an amazing partner who loves me, supports me, and is my best friend - and who finds me attractive whether I’m in full makeup, or barefaced and in sweatpants, snivelling with the cold (now).

Have you posted about him before? Some of this sounds very familiar. Either way, get rid, he's a dick.

Run for the fucking hills mate. A mid-sex argument alone would be enough of a red flag but the rest gives you a string of bunting.

I had a boyfriend like this about 20 years ago.
He later came out as gay, which very much explained how I was never attractive enough for him!
We’re still in touch and I don’t hate him for the damage he did to my self esteem at the time (we were young!) but I certainly learned a lesson and have never put up with any of that shit again.

Get rid of him. 5 months?? He's showing you his true colours early and you'd have to be a monumental idiot to ignore these warning signs.

It’s not you, OP, and you don’t need to change your mindset. Every single person posting on this thread has said so.

He is the one ruining the relationship by demanding you carry a particular handbag, wear makeup to go to the beach, etc.

If you stay with him, prepare to expect fewer and fewer romantic gestures from him, and more demands to perform and look like a fantasy of his that has nothing to do with you as a whole person in a loving relationship.

Someone has already suggested it but please watch I am Nicola on channel 4 and then read the Guardians review on it.

It's like you are Nicola from your posts.

Pleas dump him immediately for your own sake.

He has an unrealistic view of woman. Is he obsessed with social media? He sounds very very shallow and someone you probably don’t want to continue with if this side of him is already showing. It will kill your self esteem and confidence.

Run. For. The. Hills.

You are not compatible, he is used to dating women who do these things, you don’t do these things. Rather than trying to bash a square peg into a round hole and ruining your self asteem.

People are negative towards these practices, there is nothing wrong with waxing (I don’t btw) taking make up out to the beach etc. Equally it’s fine not to do these things.

There was another poster a while ago whose boyfriend said the exact same thing about waxing hairy arses because other women do- I wonder if it's the same man?

Do you really need to ask?? He’s trying to turn you into someone you’re not - if he doesn’t like you the way you are tell him to find someone else. You can definitely do better.

He's educating you on how to 'woman' better as clearly he's an expert and has appointed himself spokesman for all women. Fuck that shit. He's a twat and you deserve better.

When I read your first post I was going to be generous and say "oh he clearly pictures a different kind of girl, you're just not well-matched".
But after the mask thing..... that is seriously creepy, get rid.
Do you really want to spend time with someone who makes you feel like shit?

Why don’t I wear heels to work? Apparently every woman does.

No, they don't. Where has he been the last few years if he genuinely believes this to be the case?

Why don’t I have a particular type of handbag that all girls have?

Again, manifestly all girls don't have whatever handbag this is, as is obvious by the fact that you don't see woman going around all carrying identical handbags.

He sounds a total twat and not someone that it's worth spending any more time on.

He’s told me he doesn’t know any women who would want a hairy arsehole

Have you asked him exactly how many women he has discussed hairy arseholes with? And, for equality, how many men? I've got to admit I've managed to get through my entire adulthood without feeling the need to discuss them with anyone, even my DH.

This is not how someone behaves when they love you.
You do not put another person down, tell them they need to look/act a certain way. Get pissed off in the middle of sex for not ‘performing’ in a certain way. Sulk endlessly. This is not love or anywhere close and if he’s acting like this now it’s never going to get better. 5 months in and all the warning signs are there already. Please leave him. It’s not going to get any better I can promise you that.