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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bollocks, he's invited his friend to our 'date'

155 replies

wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:25

He's not interested after all is he? I met a guy I really liked, friend of a friend. I thought we got on really well, lots of laughs, stuff in common. I was pretty taken with him tbh. After some effort of getting in touch with him again, I asked him if he would to got to see a film with me tonight. He agreed - it was by text - I asked my friend to pass on my number so he could get in touch if he wanted to go with me ( I was going to see the film anyway) - so he could have easily just ignored the text or sent a text blowing me off. But he said he couldn't make that showing but could another, I said I could make the alternate date and he said 'good news that you can make that date'. I was really excited thinking he was interested in me too. But just picked up a text from him saying his male friend is coming along too!.

It couldn't be clearer that he is signalling he is not interested. I'd have rather he just blew me off from the start. I've just spent ages getting ready - I'm all dressed and made up (well, as much as you can for a cinema date), and now I feel really stupid for making the effort.

Maybe I should bloody change and dress down so I don't humiliate myself further. Should I dress down?

So fucking upset. He's the first guy I have liked since my marriage failed. I really liked him - he seemed such a good egg. Bollocks.

OP posts:
wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 18:09
Smile

Yeah

OP posts:
prawnsword · 31/07/2019 18:28

He didn’t want to discuss the Circle of Life which moves us all? Discussing movie & themes afterwards is what you do after going to the cinema...isn’t it ? Someone too uncomfortable to discuss those themes in relation to a movie afterwards would so not be my type....

Thank you, next!

PS good on you for asking someone out & hey you got to see the movie!

PaterPower · 31/07/2019 18:49

I’ll be very pleased if my daughters are as self assured and confident in themselves, when they start dating, as you sound OP.

Definitely never try and change who you are for someone else’s benefit.

31RueCambon · 31/07/2019 19:46

You sound brave. So what's right for you wont pass you by. A cliché that is only true for the barve I think. 🦸‍♀️

wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 20:35

Thank you all!

@PaterPower, that is a lovely thing to say! Smile

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 31/07/2019 20:42

When did he say he was put off by stuff you were discussing?!

Also, I’m intrigued. What were you originally wearing as I would have just worn jeans and a t-shirt to the cinema anyway! Blush

I think you were really brave to put yourself out there and at least now you won’t be wondering what if!

sonjadog · 31/07/2019 20:48

Assuming you didn't discuss deep-seated personal issues, then I think him saying he felt uncomfortable with the topics are just a sign that he is not the right guy for you.

wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 20:59

IvanaPee - he said at the end that he was put off by the subjects we were discussing - after discussing it for about two hours!

And I was originally wearing my new dress! I love it - its a kinda casual day dress but really well cut and gives a lovely shape but still quite relaxed.

Sonjadog - no didn't discuss personal issues. In fact, I have just realised that he never asked me anything about myself at all...….

OP posts:
sonjadog · 31/07/2019 21:16

He is sounding less and less appealing...

IvanaPee · 31/07/2019 21:26

He sounds like a weird prick to be honest!

happybunny007 · 31/07/2019 21:28

Good luck!

Grumpelstilskin · 31/07/2019 22:47

He sounds like a pompous buffoon actually. Lucky escape maybe Grin

picklemepopcorn · 01/08/2019 07:56

He reminds me of a bloke I was getting on with really well who kissed me, then said oops I didn't mean to do that. Enjoying the attention and the flirting, but not intending to go any further.

Sounds more and more like a lucky escape.

TooTrueToBeGood · 01/08/2019 08:08

You will find someone OP. You are intelligent and enthusiastic about life. Those are very attractive traits.

StVincent · 01/08/2019 08:32

Didn’t ask you anything, but I’m betting you could do quite well on a quiz about him?! Maddening! Definitely not worth dating. I hope he at least bought the popcorn.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/08/2019 08:36

He’s not intriguing. He has no hidden depths. He’s self absorbed.

wellthatsdeflating · 01/08/2019 09:26

Thanks @Tootruetobegood.

Thanks everyone! Think you are right - think it probably was a lucky escape Grin

OP posts:
wellthatsdeflating · 01/08/2019 09:30

Absolutely @StVincent, I could tell you an awful lot about him!

I've met a lot of guys like that actually - why do so many men bang on endlessly about themselves but don't think to ask about the woman they are with?

I think it is only because I have been out of the dating pool for such a long time that I didn't recognise what was going on at the time! Having to resharpen my 'self absorbed tosser' antenna now I am back in the game Grin

OP posts:
rightteous · 01/08/2019 09:35

Bingo. Not asking you anything about you is a red flag. Well done for spotting it. Men like that should be avoided as it shows a lack of empathy

number1wang · 01/08/2019 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wellthatsdeflating · 01/08/2019 14:38

I like your analysis @number1wang

OP posts:
Rivkka · 01/08/2019 15:00

Onwards and upwards

MustShowDH · 01/08/2019 23:26

Next!

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 04:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

beanaseireann · 02/08/2019 09:44

You probably dodged a bullet OP