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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bollocks, he's invited his friend to our 'date'

155 replies

wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:25

He's not interested after all is he? I met a guy I really liked, friend of a friend. I thought we got on really well, lots of laughs, stuff in common. I was pretty taken with him tbh. After some effort of getting in touch with him again, I asked him if he would to got to see a film with me tonight. He agreed - it was by text - I asked my friend to pass on my number so he could get in touch if he wanted to go with me ( I was going to see the film anyway) - so he could have easily just ignored the text or sent a text blowing me off. But he said he couldn't make that showing but could another, I said I could make the alternate date and he said 'good news that you can make that date'. I was really excited thinking he was interested in me too. But just picked up a text from him saying his male friend is coming along too!.

It couldn't be clearer that he is signalling he is not interested. I'd have rather he just blew me off from the start. I've just spent ages getting ready - I'm all dressed and made up (well, as much as you can for a cinema date), and now I feel really stupid for making the effort.

Maybe I should bloody change and dress down so I don't humiliate myself further. Should I dress down?

So fucking upset. He's the first guy I have liked since my marriage failed. I really liked him - he seemed such a good egg. Bollocks.

OP posts:
Lollyjack · 30/07/2019 21:14

Hope the evening went well op. Xx

chubbysquid · 31/07/2019 07:32

@wellthatsdeflating come baaaaaaack!! How did it go!!?

rightteous · 31/07/2019 07:48

I’m wondering how it went!

666onmyhead · 31/07/2019 07:49

Me too !

MyOtherProfile · 31/07/2019 07:52

Oh I started this thread after checking the date and assumed there would be a conclusion. Hope it went well and you actually managed to arrange a proper date with one or the other of them Grin

hellsbellsmelons · 31/07/2019 08:00

OMG - why is there no update!?
I'm so, waaaayyyyy too invested.

StVincent · 31/07/2019 08:15

The real question is, was the film any good?

Sundancer77 · 31/07/2019 10:42

What happened?!

Forflipssake2 · 31/07/2019 11:11

Maybe @wellthatsdeflating is still on the date Wink Grin

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 11:32

Film wasn't that great! Neither was 'date' (yes, yes, I totally take on board comments it wasn't clear it was a date, I did put 'date' in quotation marks in OP's title. Sod off to the pp who told me to stop playing games. I did my best in a difficult situation - I bloody went through every sodding facebook page of every guy with the same first name as him in the city I live in, linked in, Instagram, to try to contact him directly first). Oh, and his mate didn't turn up.

Anyway, on way home he said he had felt uncomfortable with some of the stuff we talked about and that it was stuff he would normally avoid talking about - it all sprang from film we watched and we went on to cover politics, religion and stuff. He didn't appear uncomfortable at the time and did more talking than me. And within 15 minutes of us meeting he did tell me something about himself which is something most people would consider off limits for someone you've only met twice and I guess I thought a guy who is comfortable saying that is not a guy who thinks anything is off limits in a conversation - can't say what it is as is very outing. I left it by saying he has my number now and can call me if he fancies meeting up again. I don't expect to hear from him. Never got a vibe he fancies me, still don't know if he is gay/straight /single (didn't feel comfortable asking, as he didn't appear to be into me ). It's a shame, I'm quite intrigued by him - he's interesting and clearly clever and kind, and would have liked to get to know him better, if only as friends. Feel quite deflated. Oh well, win some, you lose some.

OP posts:
crankyassnoperope · 31/07/2019 12:02

Don't be deflated, you did a brave thing! Numbers game, just keep on doing you Smile

LarkDescending · 31/07/2019 12:05

Sounds like one to chalk up to experience! Onwards and upwards OP Smile

feministwithtitsin · 31/07/2019 12:11

OP, I think you have been really brave in asking this man out. A lot of people would just have left it and regretted not asking him out.

I think that takes guts, even if the outcome wasn't the best.

Enclume · 31/07/2019 12:28

Shame, but you were great making it happen, arranging it. I'd have been too chicken. And btw

Anyway, on way home he said he had felt uncomfortable with some of the stuff we talked about

Sounds a bit precious tbh... just IMO, a man who started making noises after the fact about his discomfort about some bloody chitchat, he would have my eyebrows on the fucking ceiling.

MyOtherProfile · 31/07/2019 13:13

Well done OP. You were brilliantly proactive and won't now spend months wondering if he was the one who got away.

Bumbags · 31/07/2019 13:32

He sounds irritating actually.

Well done though.

Still want to know what you went to see.

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 13:58

Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments! @crankyassnoperope I think you are right about keeping on doing me. I watched a youtube video which basically said lots of women try to mould themselves to fit the man they are with but if you do that you don't meet someone who likes the authentic you. So I guess that is true, maybe I could have been different but I have quite recently moved to a new city. Where I used to live I really like going to talks and stuff and having discussions after them so I guess I just slipped into that - but that is me. I'd rather be with someone who is as comfortable with that as I am.

@Enclume your post made me laugh - thanks! Yes, I was after the fact a bit irritated that he waited till the end of the evening to voice his discomfort - he could have said at the time and changed the bloody subject! And I am reminded of an etiquette book from the early 1900s which said that, as a women, the greatest compliment that can be paid to you is, ' I do like Mrs Smith - absolutely nothing in her head but she is so amusing'. I do not aspire to be that woman!

@Bumbags - he has lots of female friends and for all I know they are on Mumsnet - so I don't really want to say what the film is , just in case.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 31/07/2019 14:13

Well, at my local Vue, you could have seen The Lion King, Fast and Furious 568 (or whatever bloody number they've got up to), Toy Story 4, The Current War, Annabelle Comes Home, Spiderman or Midsommar.

My money's on Toy Story 4 or Spiderman for triggering a conversation about politics and religion 🤔

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 14:19

It wasn't a chain cinema....

OP posts:
LeopardPrintKnickers · 31/07/2019 14:32

Oh Well, I thought of you last night and wondered how it went. For what it's worth, you sound awesome!

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 31/07/2019 14:51

Thanks @Leopardprintknickers, that means a lot! I wasn't feel awesome last night after he said all that, but having had time to reflect I feel a lot more centred and self -assured!

OP posts:
beanaseireann · 31/07/2019 15:38

You were brave - well done. Thanks
If he's for you he'll contact you again.
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Life ain't a rehearsal.
All the cliches but they're true.

picklemepopcorn · 31/07/2019 15:57

I like your last update- if nothing else, you have worked some things out.

Keep on you ing, anyone that doesn't quite get it is not worth wasting time on.

Sounds as though he needs to work out who he is, too!

Sagradafamiliar · 31/07/2019 16:14

He sounds a bit of a weirdo tbh and at least you have a good story to look back on- you found yourself on a date without knowing whether it was actually a date, or whether the guy was gay, straight or even single! Random but quite a funny situation to be in.

StVincent · 31/07/2019 18:02

Well done! I feel like it means you can cross him off the interesting list. What a bloody wimp to have a chat and then later say he wished you had avoided certain subjects! Sounds like he just wanted to tell you off.

Anyway my conclusion is you’re far too good for him 😊