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Original poster

Bollocks, he's invited his friend to our 'date'

155 replies

wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:25

He's not interested after all is he? I met a guy I really liked, friend of a friend. I thought we got on really well, lots of laughs, stuff in common. I was pretty taken with him tbh. After some effort of getting in touch with him again, I asked him if he would to got to see a film with me tonight. He agreed - it was by text - I asked my friend to pass on my number so he could get in touch if he wanted to go with me ( I was going to see the film anyway) - so he could have easily just ignored the text or sent a text blowing me off. But he said he couldn't make that showing but could another, I said I could make the alternate date and he said 'good news that you can make that date'. I was really excited thinking he was interested in me too. But just picked up a text from him saying his male friend is coming along too!.

It couldn't be clearer that he is signalling he is not interested. I'd have rather he just blew me off from the start. I've just spent ages getting ready - I'm all dressed and made up (well, as much as you can for a cinema date), and now I feel really stupid for making the effort.

Maybe I should bloody change and dress down so I don't humiliate myself further. Should I dress down?

So fucking upset. He's the first guy I have liked since my marriage failed. I really liked him - he seemed such a good egg. Bollocks.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/07/2019 16:46

Dammit just realised you've got his number now because he's text you. Another way of assessing interest, then. It's not necessarily a write off and if you really like him, it's worth taking the chance.

NewMe2019 · 30/07/2019 16:47

Yeah, tbh OP, it's as clear as mud about it being a date. He probably thought it was as a friend.

My DP thought he'd made a new friend in me. He was utterly oblivious to my flirting with him. Thankfully that was cleared up early on but some men really don't get it unless it's very plainly spelled out.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:47

If I were interested in a guy and he asked me to pal him along to something there is no bloody way I would invite my sodding frineds along.

Why would you even go? If they’re asking you to pal along, then they aren’t interested in dating you.

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:49

JOxer - because they might become interested in dating me! .

OP posts:
Pinkout · 30/07/2019 16:49

The way I have understood this you asked your friend to go see a film and also for his friend’s phone number in case he wants to go along too. It’s possible your friend said to him ‘I’m giving x your number, she’s asked if we want to go see this film but I can’t make it’. I reckon the guy just doesn’t view this as a date hence inviting his friend. It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested, he just thought it was a casual invitation rather than a date.

Pinkout · 30/07/2019 16:51

Also you didn’t go on a date before by the sounds of it, you just spoke to him a party so really this would be the first date. The cinema isn’t a great idea.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:53

Oh hang on! You didn’t even text him to ask him to go to the cinema! You asked your mutual friend and said if his friend (your crush) wanted to come to!

No way can that be interpreted as being asked on a date. He definitely didn’t see it as a date because you didn’t even ask him. You asked his friend and said he could come too. He brought his other friend because original friend can’t make it.

Musti · 30/07/2019 16:53

Dress up nice but not too obvious and go and have a good time. Get to know each other and if there is interest then you can go on a proper date next time. Doent have to go from 0-60! No rush

Atalune · 30/07/2019 16:54

I’m lost!

Who is coming along???

Your op isn’t clear.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:54

because they might become interested in dating me!

Cringe!! You sound a bit desperate OP and it probably comes across in RL. Don’t hang about men in the hope they decide to fancy you!

KevinKlineSwoon · 30/07/2019 16:54

Go! Look fabulous but not like you've made too much effort. Use it as the chance to get to know him a bit better and see if he texts you afterwards. But well done for being brave and taking the bull by the horns.

speakout · 30/07/2019 16:55

God, I've just thought - what if this mate is actually his boyfriend.

Was my first thought.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:57

And if you do fancy someone, ask them out directly. Not via your friends with group invites!

yellowallpaper · 30/07/2019 16:57

Just dress comfortably but nice makeup hair etc. Go along as a friend and have a drink after. Wow him with your personality and see where it goes. The man, not the personality!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2019 16:58

Don’t jump to conclusions. You didn’t make it clear. Have a good time. See what happens. 😁

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:59

I couldn't ask him directly I didn't have his number... - anyway - I have dressed down and am off now.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/07/2019 16:59

Go, you want to see the film anyway.

His mate might have invited himself and he might be kicking himself for letting him come along.
Or, if they are a couple, at least you'll find out.
Whatever happens, it's just the cinema, so not like you're trapped making polite conversation.

But definitely change clothes and wipe face.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2019 16:59

Why does my emoji look like that? It was a big cheesy smile. Try again:😁 🤷‍♀️

Sadie789 · 30/07/2019 17:00

I once went on a date with a guy and half way through the night (in the pub) his friend turned up. I guess I’ll never know if he asked his friend to come or not, or whether he was that interested or whatever but in the end it didn’t matter as it turned out I got on much better with the friend and a few months down the line we started dating.

Instead of seeing this as a defeat, see it as an opportunity. When I was single someone said to me say yes to everything because Brad Pitt isn’t just going to randomly appear at your front door one night. The more people you meet opens doors to others and that’s how you’ll eventually find the right person for you.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 30/07/2019 17:01

Maybe he’s bringing his mate in case he’s misread the situation and it isn’t a date?

Derbee · 30/07/2019 17:01

If you originally invited your mutual friend and the guy you fancy, how would he know it was a date?

I would say it didn’t sound like a date from your invitation so I wouldn’t take it personally if I were you

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 17:03

He’s probably thinking “is this a date or just she just want to be a mate?...... hmm, think I’ll take my friend with me in case she thinks I’m coming onto her”

dustarr73 · 30/07/2019 17:05

Keep your options open,maybe the gatecrasher will be hotter.

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 17:05

Oh and also, he might think your invite to the cinema isn’t a date! So brought a mate with him

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/07/2019 17:06

He might have invited his made because he's nervous. He might not have twigged that you meant it as a date. Friend might be way hotter and date guy will be immediately forgotten.

Who knows! Just go!