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Original poster

Bollocks, he's invited his friend to our 'date'

155 replies

wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:25

He's not interested after all is he? I met a guy I really liked, friend of a friend. I thought we got on really well, lots of laughs, stuff in common. I was pretty taken with him tbh. After some effort of getting in touch with him again, I asked him if he would to got to see a film with me tonight. He agreed - it was by text - I asked my friend to pass on my number so he could get in touch if he wanted to go with me ( I was going to see the film anyway) - so he could have easily just ignored the text or sent a text blowing me off. But he said he couldn't make that showing but could another, I said I could make the alternate date and he said 'good news that you can make that date'. I was really excited thinking he was interested in me too. But just picked up a text from him saying his male friend is coming along too!.

It couldn't be clearer that he is signalling he is not interested. I'd have rather he just blew me off from the start. I've just spent ages getting ready - I'm all dressed and made up (well, as much as you can for a cinema date), and now I feel really stupid for making the effort.

Maybe I should bloody change and dress down so I don't humiliate myself further. Should I dress down?

So fucking upset. He's the first guy I have liked since my marriage failed. I really liked him - he seemed such a good egg. Bollocks.

OP posts:

readitandwept · 30/07/2019 17:40

You invited him and your friend. That's never a date! It only actually became one in your head when your friend couldn't make it, so you can't blame the guy if he's not realised.

But good luck! All is not lost!

iheartroycropper · 30/07/2019 17:41

He’s maybe bringing his friend as a chaperone as you seem a bit overly keen/desperate.
Chill out a bit op and relax and enjoy yourself. Don’t overthink it. To be so fucking upset over this is a bit much.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 30/07/2019 17:41

This whole event started as you inviting two people to the cinema - him and your mutual friend - so why would he take that as a date? He’s surely taken that the same way that you are now - if she was interested in me she wouldn’t have invited mutual friend along, so there’s no harm in me asking my mate if he wants to see the movie.

That or he’s bringing his boyfriend 😀

Orlandointhewilderness · 30/07/2019 17:43

I'm invested in this now! I think he is interested but unsure if it was a date or not.

readitandwept · 30/07/2019 17:43

@mindutopia obviously nowhere near funny at the time, but what a bizarre situation to find yourself in! Like something straight out of a terrible comedy.

PachaWho · 30/07/2019 17:44

In future I think you need to be clearer in your communication and stop playing games / hedging your bets (ie asking through your mutual friend if he would like to 'come along' with you both). That was disingenuous of you, pretending it was a friendly group thing. You knew you liked him so just should have asked him for his number directly and be prepared to be rejected. And if you forgot to get his number at the party then just find him on Facebook or directly ask your friend for his number.

All this messing about like a teenager has ultimately caused you stress and he is probably seriously confused also. Be straightforward in future OP.

LarkDescending · 30/07/2019 17:48

Of course you must go OP, if only so that you can tell us all about it! Think of Man 2 as a bonus - someone you wouldn't otherwise have met, who may be entirely fabulous.

What's the alternative - staying home in front of EastEnders?

MissConductUS · 30/07/2019 17:49

There's no downside to going, and you might get his number. If you do form a connection with him you've just increased the chances of a real date in the future.

She who dares wins.

Please let us know how it went.

1forAll74 · 30/07/2019 17:52

Cant you get proper dates these days,without all this hassle,and all this texting rubbish.. All the world is on there phones, and nobody knows how to be romantic these days.

Fink · 30/07/2019 17:53

@mindutopia a similar thing happened to me. There was a language barrier as I was newly arrived in a different country. I thought he said he'd just split up from his gf and she was in the capital city. Turns out he was saying his current gf lived in the capital city so I could be the OW in the town we both lived in! About 2 months later she was visiting for the weekend and we all went out (with a larger group of acquaintances) and it became abundantly clear they were still seeing each other. I suddenly realised I was the OW!

AcrossthePond55 · 30/07/2019 18:13

Maybe he's a bit shy and wants a friend along to cover? Maybe he isn't sure about you and wants 'back up' in case you and he don't really 'mesh' in real life? Maybe the friend is interested in you?

At any rate, I'd go on the 'date' and see how it goes. Maybe he'll spend the whole time talking to you, maybe it'll be obvious that he 'isn't that into you'. If you still think there's a spark, ask for a rematch (if he doesn't). If he says he's bringing a friend along to that one, then cancel it and move on.

Morgan12 · 30/07/2019 18:28

I wouldn't have went.

Musicaltheatremum · 30/07/2019 18:28

On my first "date" I went for afternoon tea with him and 2 lovely friends. 11 months later we are still together and the couple we went with are great friends with me too. See it as expanding your horizons.

Elmo311 · 30/07/2019 18:33

Good luck OP!

Sagradafamiliar · 30/07/2019 18:35

This happened up me (kind of) at 17 and it turned out I was meant to bring a friend for his mate. Bit awkward with the three of us and I didn't know the other guy from Adam.

I wouldn't have gone in this situation or would have texted him, 'why?'. I mean, did he say he's bringing a friend or his boyfriend? It's all well and good if he thought he'd just made a friend in you- but not very thoughtful to bring along someone you've never met before.

OhMsBeliever · 30/07/2019 18:38

I hope it's all a misunderstanding and he likes you.

Deadposhtory · 30/07/2019 19:30

Update us op!!!

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 30/07/2019 19:36

Totally invested. Hope you're okay OP and you enjoy the film at the very least :) please update us if you can.

Goodnightjude1 · 30/07/2019 19:39

I just wanna know what film you saw....

crankyassnoperope · 30/07/2019 20:12

So did he then text the mutual friend to tell the OP that he was bringing a mate? Or did he text the OP directly?

If it's the first one I can understand why he'd bring a friend. If I was meeting an almost-stranger who I hadn't even organised the meeting with directly and for whom I had no means or history of direct communication I reckon I'd think it was 50/50 whether they would actually show up! So, sort of understandable.

If it's the second I have no idea. It's weird. And rude. I'm a plain-speaking sort of woman and I do love putting a man in the spot regarding his behavior, so I'd definitely be calling him out on it. In front of the friend.

oabiti · 30/07/2019 20:45

What's the betting his 'friend' couldn't make it, either!

HollowTalk · 30/07/2019 20:49

Shamelessly placemarking. Hope you have a great time, OP.

Bumbags · 30/07/2019 20:55

I hope you saw Yesterday.

It’s a great film.

ZenNudist · 30/07/2019 20:58

Update?

KurriKawari · 30/07/2019 21:04

Hopefully you haven't been able to update because the evening is going to well.

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