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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyfriend on holiday, not been in touch in 3 days. Don't know how to handle it.

251 replies

Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 09:19

Feeling like a complete idiot....

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Boyfriend is currently away on holiday and hasn't been in touch in 3 days and I'm now getting very anxious and have no idea how to handle it.

Bit of background:
My ex partner of 2 years randomly ended our relationship by suddenly ghosting me. He literally stopped answering my calls and texts. After a month he reinitiated contact but I chose to walk away as I had seen just how possessive and controlling he had been in our relationship.

During our breakup I went and saw a therapist who helped me a lot. I slowly regained my confidence and I thought I was ok but I do still have some underlying trust issues.

I'm now in a relationship with another guy who has been incredibly sweet, affectionate, loving etc. Our relationship is fairly new but he's left me in no doubt about his feelings. We have lots of future plans made, I've been intro to friends and family etc.

He had the opportunity to go on an amazing 10 day trip to France. Sadly it was too last minute for me to go too but I encouraged him to go because I knew it was too good an opportunity for him to miss it. I knew I was going to struggle with anxiety with him going away but also want him to be able to live his life. He knows about my previous experience with my ex too.

He went away on Wednesday and has apparently had a nightmare with his phone not sending texts etc or even letting him use data so his contact has been sketchy but very sweet and affectionate when he has got in contact. I was coping fine with only hearing from him occasionally, until now....

The last contact I had with him was on Saturday. We chatted for over an hour. He was saying how much he missed me and was making future plans with me. He asked if he could get dropped off at my house when they come back on Saturday and stay with me for a few days and I said yes (but didn't give him my address at that point). He then said his phone battery was only at 2% so he had to go but we'd chat soon.

Later that night I sent him a flirty text wanting to surprise him when he managed to check his messages again.

However nearly 3 days later there's been no contact from him. He's not been online or on facebook at all that I can tell (I can see his last online statuses) and my message still hasn't been delivered to his phone. His relationship status on Facebook still says in a relationship. I was making up all these excuses in my head for why he's not been in touch, like maybe he was having issues charging his phone at the campsite etc.

Then one of the people he's gone away with started a public photo album of their trip. I was relieved as they posted a few pictures of my boyfriend so at least I knew he was ok.

Then this morning one of the girls in the group posted a picture of him standing with her directing an electric fan at him and him smiling at her. A proper electric fan with a cord so he clearly does have access to electricity and could most likely charge his phone.

I've just been left feeling like shit and now have no idea how to handle the situation. I'm so tempted to post a comment on the photo saying something like "nice to see you're still alive" or something like that because I feel so frustrated and angry but deep down I know that will probably just aggravate the situation and make me feel worse. I don't want to be a possessive, horrible girlfriend and I don't expect him to be in touch all the time but do feel hurt that he's not been in touch in so long especially as he knows how my ex made me feel.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, just wait for him to get in touch I guess. Or maybe I should just bite the bullet and post on the photo because then at least he might give me some closure sooner. I have no idea where I stand anymore or if I'm still going to see him on Saturday. Just so confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:12

I'm not going to lower myself into chasing him or posting comments on Facebook. At the end of the day if he likes me he'll make the effort to get in touch again. Just being in limbo is hard.

I'm also laid up at the moment so it's hard keeping busy. I'll try to distract myself

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 30/07/2019 13:12

Unpopular opinion it seems but I'd want some form of contact. Doesn't matter if it's a month. You are in a relationship and he should be thinking of you and even send one text a day.

lawnmowingsucks · 30/07/2019 13:13

And I think @Indianajonesy66 , you being anxious about the lack of contact is what is making some PPs say that you're being clingy

Thing is - some of us do get overly invested overly quickly. It's not a good thing. It really isn't.

I'd suggest working on how quickly you've got invested in a man who sounds like he's been love bombing you somewhat over the last month (and that's not good either)

Look after you. You're very precious and you don't want to throw yourself at some potential tosspot

hadthesnip2 · 30/07/2019 13:14

God knows how you would have lived 30 years ago when there were no mobile phones. People went way on holiday for a couple if weeks & you didnt hear from them until they got back.

Now if you dont hear from them for more than a day your life goes into meltdown.

VivienneHolt · 30/07/2019 13:15

Don't post on the photograph - it will look passive aggressive and mean and needy.

That said, I think it is unreasonable that he hasn't been in touch at all. But as you said, it's a new relationship. If he didn't even know your address, you are obviously in the early stages.

This may just be a case of you having mismatched expectations about how much you should be in contact etc. That doesn't have to spell the end of the relationship, because it's something you can solve through discussion if you are both willing.

I would be inclined to wait until you can talk to him face to face, and explain how it made you feel. If he understands and is willing to try and meet your expectations next time (and if you're willing to compromise too) there's no reason why you can't make it work.

Guardianangelwhereareyou · 30/07/2019 13:16

Ok op has he been on WhatsApp

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 13:21

Your ex was possessive and controlling you say OP - don’t allow yourself to be acting in the same way with your new bf.
When you’re on holiday time can fly, when you’re the one at home, it feels like it’s dragging. Let him have his holiday and miss each other.

Roussette · 30/07/2019 13:21

the fact he chatted to you for a whole hour whilst he was away with friends on holiday .... surely that means something?

It's fine to feel like this if you were just about to get married or he was your husband and you were at home with the kids... but you've been seeing him A MONTH.

MrsLoganEcholls · 30/07/2019 13:35

I know it's an unpopular opinion on here, but I'd expect some sort of contact too... It's not exactly hard to send a 2 minute message in the morning and/or evening just to check in.

Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:37

He's just messaged:

"Hey xx"
I said Hi back and now he's said "you okay? hugs xx"

I'm taking a minute to calm myself down and try to keep things light before I reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:39

He's definitely weird. Something's not right Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:40

I said I was ok and asked him how he was and he said this:

"Not too bad thank you. Missing home a bit. And a couple of other emotions too, but generally ok xx"

OP posts:
MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 13:41

I understand how you feel. I had terrible relationships with my parents as a child and was always so worried that people would leave me due to that. Whenever I had no contact I’d get anxious that they’d left, or they had been in some terrible kind of accident. Could you consider going back to get more counselling?

YellowsAndPinks · 30/07/2019 13:43

Oh here we go....

This would concern me OP. What does he mean?

lawnmowingsucks · 30/07/2019 13:46

Lord! He sounds such hard work. I honestly could not be bothered with all this faffing after 15 years let alone after 4 weeks.

If I were you @Indianajonesy66 I'd think about whether you want this in your life.

purplelass · 30/07/2019 13:46

You wouldn't get on with my bloke then, we're going out tonight but I don't know when yet, and we can go days without messaging each other!

Took me a while to get used to as my ex was an 'always in touch' kinda guy but different people communicate differently, you need to set expectations if you're not sure.

Craptop · 30/07/2019 13:46

Maybe he's hungover?

CherithPonsonby · 30/07/2019 13:46

I would not be happy.

His latest communications seem a bit formal.

autumndreaming · 30/07/2019 13:47

If he hasn't been on his phone as your message hasn't sent, sounds like he's lost the changer or the phone. Honestly, it sounds like nothing to panic about. Don't write that on the photo, it will only reflect badly on you! I feel sure that he has a explanation.

newmomof1 · 30/07/2019 13:47

"Couple of other emotions" Hmm

Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:47

Exactly what does he mean?!

I think he's having second thoughts.

I've messaged him saying

"A couple of other emotions? You're having second thoughts about us aren't you?" Just decided to be open and ask him out right. Get it over with.

He's now typing a reply....

OP posts:
Pineapplefish · 30/07/2019 13:47

"A couple of other emotions"...? What does he mean?

GreekOddess · 30/07/2019 13:48

He doesn't sound happy from those texts. I'd imagine he's had an argument with someone or there is tension in the group he is with.

newmomof1 · 30/07/2019 13:48

Don't beat around the bush OPConfused

MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 13:48

What does he mean by ‘a couple of other emotions’