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Original poster

Boyfriend on holiday, not been in touch in 3 days. Don't know how to handle it.

251 replies

Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 09:19

Feeling like a complete idiot....

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Boyfriend is currently away on holiday and hasn't been in touch in 3 days and I'm now getting very anxious and have no idea how to handle it.

Bit of background:
My ex partner of 2 years randomly ended our relationship by suddenly ghosting me. He literally stopped answering my calls and texts. After a month he reinitiated contact but I chose to walk away as I had seen just how possessive and controlling he had been in our relationship.

During our breakup I went and saw a therapist who helped me a lot. I slowly regained my confidence and I thought I was ok but I do still have some underlying trust issues.

I'm now in a relationship with another guy who has been incredibly sweet, affectionate, loving etc. Our relationship is fairly new but he's left me in no doubt about his feelings. We have lots of future plans made, I've been intro to friends and family etc.

He had the opportunity to go on an amazing 10 day trip to France. Sadly it was too last minute for me to go too but I encouraged him to go because I knew it was too good an opportunity for him to miss it. I knew I was going to struggle with anxiety with him going away but also want him to be able to live his life. He knows about my previous experience with my ex too.

He went away on Wednesday and has apparently had a nightmare with his phone not sending texts etc or even letting him use data so his contact has been sketchy but very sweet and affectionate when he has got in contact. I was coping fine with only hearing from him occasionally, until now....

The last contact I had with him was on Saturday. We chatted for over an hour. He was saying how much he missed me and was making future plans with me. He asked if he could get dropped off at my house when they come back on Saturday and stay with me for a few days and I said yes (but didn't give him my address at that point). He then said his phone battery was only at 2% so he had to go but we'd chat soon.

Later that night I sent him a flirty text wanting to surprise him when he managed to check his messages again.

However nearly 3 days later there's been no contact from him. He's not been online or on facebook at all that I can tell (I can see his last online statuses) and my message still hasn't been delivered to his phone. His relationship status on Facebook still says in a relationship. I was making up all these excuses in my head for why he's not been in touch, like maybe he was having issues charging his phone at the campsite etc.

Then one of the people he's gone away with started a public photo album of their trip. I was relieved as they posted a few pictures of my boyfriend so at least I knew he was ok.

Then this morning one of the girls in the group posted a picture of him standing with her directing an electric fan at him and him smiling at her. A proper electric fan with a cord so he clearly does have access to electricity and could most likely charge his phone.

I've just been left feeling like shit and now have no idea how to handle the situation. I'm so tempted to post a comment on the photo saying something like "nice to see you're still alive" or something like that because I feel so frustrated and angry but deep down I know that will probably just aggravate the situation and make me feel worse. I don't want to be a possessive, horrible girlfriend and I don't expect him to be in touch all the time but do feel hurt that he's not been in touch in so long especially as he knows how my ex made me feel.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, just wait for him to get in touch I guess. Or maybe I should just bite the bullet and post on the photo because then at least he might give me some closure sooner. I have no idea where I stand anymore or if I'm still going to see him on Saturday. Just so confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:49

He's now saying

What, no! 😞 No I'm not! Omg please don't think that! xx
No no no! 😞 xx

And then

I don't want to let you down at all! That's one of the emotions I'm feeling, I'm scared I'm going to! 😞 xx

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2019 13:49

Oh - that last message doesn't sound good OP.
I think you have every right to be a bit peeved he hasn't contacted you for 3 days.
It's the honeymoon period where people often text and message numerous times a day.
I would turn off your phone for a while.
Put it down upstairs (or downstairs or in another room) and go out or keep busy some other way.
When you say you are 'laid up' - are you not feeling well and in bed?
Do you have any friends or family who could round and just keep you busy?
It's very early days and if he's now having 2nd thoughts then it's good you've found out now.

Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 13:49

I am now so confused.

OP posts:
MindfulBear · 30/07/2019 13:50

Keep yourself busy and look forward to seeing him when he is back.
Do not share any of this with him and do not post a shitty message on somewhere else's photo. You will come across as possessive and controlling.

If my DH goes away I do not expect to speak to him every day Or even every other day. And he knows where I live!!!!

Relax and wait.

GreekOddess · 30/07/2019 13:50

He is scared he is going to let you down? Guilty conscience?

newmomof1 · 30/07/2019 13:50

@Indianajonesy66 he's missing you I think...
Is he quite sensitive?

autumndreaming · 30/07/2019 13:54

In wake of the updates - is he an anxious person? I am very anxious and used to get very anxious at the start of a relationship. Sort of like panicky cold feet, but it went away after a little while.

It sounds like he's overthinking things a bit. I don't think it sounds like a guilty conscience or anything like that, for what it's worth.

quirkycutekitch · 30/07/2019 13:56

He sounds like hard work! Confused

SouthernComforts · 30/07/2019 13:58

You both sound very hard work, good luck to you.

Ginger1982 · 30/07/2019 14:00

This all sounds like far too much hard work for a 4 week relationship ffs 🙄

Original poster
Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 14:00

He's just admitted he's feeling really anxious.

He's just said this:
I'm just being silly darling I'm sorry. I get very anxious xx
I freaking adore you, miss you like crazy and can't wait to see you when I get home! xx

I've just been honest and said I've been feeling a bit anxious too. Told him not to worry.

OP posts:
MindfulBear · 30/07/2019 14:02

How old is he and how old are you?
It's quite possible he has fallen head over heels for you, told his friends all about your future lives together and now his friends are telling him it's too quick and too soon so he is having to cope with all that.

That would be hard. Mixed emotions. He might understand what they say but still feel exactly as he has described to you. Conflicting emotions are hard to work through.

Whenever I've fallen hard and fast my friends have never been supportive - having seen me go thru shit with other BFs.

So give him the benefit of the doubt. Keep it light. Look forward to seeing him at the weekend.

WeAreStardustWeAreGolden · 30/07/2019 14:05

Contrary to popular opinion OP, I would find it strange that he hadn't been in touch for a few days, even given the fledgling relationship. To see him on FB having a great time with other people would have really annoyed me regardless of whether he posted or not. I think you need to be careful. Player is the word that springs to mind.

Craptop · 30/07/2019 14:07

How old are you?

I get quite anxious and over analyse but have learnt to reign it in and be less mental. It IS possible

livefornaps · 30/07/2019 14:08

Omg drama llamas. Just say you'll see him Saturday and you're looking forward to it. Then you should both just step away from the phones and go and get some exercise or something. Stop overcomplicating things. Keep it simple. It all sounds very overwrought to me. In the nicest possible way: most people's lives just aren't very interesting. If you want to have an interesting life - step out of your head and out of the door. Stop flopping about staring at whatsapp

Craptop · 30/07/2019 14:09

I would say: 'i miss you too but we'll see each other Saturday! Enjoy your holiday with your friends.'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2019 14:10

... and now you've posted his personal message to you online. For all to see. Your anxiety has got the better of you. I would be really, really annoyed. Confused

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 14:12

This is silly. I would never have said that about him questioning your relationship but he's responded that he still really wants to be with you. Let it go. At this point in the relationship, he's probably agonising over how often to contact you himself - he doesn't want to appear too keen considering it's only been a month but he doesn't want you to think he's not keen.

Just reply that you're looking forward to seeing him too. Ask if he's' having a good time and perhaps get a sense of what time you should expect him Saturday.

Bellasblankexpression · 30/07/2019 14:14

Oh op I don’t think you should have posted this private correspondence on here to be honest.
You actually sound like a good match as you both seem to be quite dramatic and emotional.
Hope it all works out for you, doesn’t sound like you’ve got anything to worry about to be honest

RedWoollyHat · 30/07/2019 14:17

What a weird text exchange. Cryptic bollocks about "letting you down".

This would all be too much for me. Surely after one month you're just in the early stages dating,having fun and getting to know each other. All this angst and hand-wringing(and I mean both of you). It just seems unhealthy. On the one hand you both seem to think you're being v. open about your feelings: declaring your anxiousness and anxiety, etc... but on the other neither of you actually knows what on earth the other is going on about. It's just all a bit unnecessarily fraught.

dragonflyflew · 30/07/2019 14:18

This:

Craptop

I would say: 'i miss you too but we'll see each other Saturday! Enjoy your holiday with your friends.'

ohcanada · 30/07/2019 14:20

Are you 15?? You both sound like massive drama queens!

You practically already broke up with him in your head after a couple of days of silence and now his cryptic stupid messages. I wouldn't be arsed with all this.

Howdoyousleep · 30/07/2019 14:20

Why does he think he’s going to let you down? That sounds like he doesn’t trust himself.

dontgobaconmyheart · 30/07/2019 14:20

Oh OP, I don't think leaping in to ask if he's having second thoughts is going to do anything rather than give him them and make him not enjoy his holiday. I would apologise and say I looked forward to him coming over when he returned, finalise the plans for that and get on with my week. It's not that long. It's far too early for it all to be so fraught.

I can empathise with the painful past but those things are not his fault. He is allowed to take a break, stand with women for photos, and may not have the correct charger for the country even. It's not as though he is on his phone but ignoring just you and everything he seems to be saying indicates he is interested. Him doing the above shouldn't really make you worry to this extent and that is why people so often say that you need to work on yourself before a relationship is suitable really.

If a new boyfriend messaged me that or commented passive aggressively on a facebook post I would be very off put and consider it a red flag. We can't control what other people are doing, only ourselves. Yes it's not ideal but he has contacted you. You know who he's with and where he is, it's been 72 hours....I think it would be est to try and separate in your mind this holiday and the relationship you have. The two are not in competition with one another. He is unlikely to forget about you in 10 days if he is invested, if he is not that will be painful but there isn't anything you can do to change that and this course of action will make you and he miserable Flowers

YellowsAndPinks · 30/07/2019 14:21

It all sounds quite dramatic. I'd be trying to put it out of my mind as best you can until he gets back and then see how he is face to face. He's either in this or he's not, you don't need the sideshow of hysterical emotional turmoil.