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Relationships

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Boyfriend on holiday, not been in touch in 3 days. Don't know how to handle it.

251 replies

Indianajonesy66 · 30/07/2019 09:19

Feeling like a complete idiot....

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Boyfriend is currently away on holiday and hasn't been in touch in 3 days and I'm now getting very anxious and have no idea how to handle it.

Bit of background:
My ex partner of 2 years randomly ended our relationship by suddenly ghosting me. He literally stopped answering my calls and texts. After a month he reinitiated contact but I chose to walk away as I had seen just how possessive and controlling he had been in our relationship.

During our breakup I went and saw a therapist who helped me a lot. I slowly regained my confidence and I thought I was ok but I do still have some underlying trust issues.

I'm now in a relationship with another guy who has been incredibly sweet, affectionate, loving etc. Our relationship is fairly new but he's left me in no doubt about his feelings. We have lots of future plans made, I've been intro to friends and family etc.

He had the opportunity to go on an amazing 10 day trip to France. Sadly it was too last minute for me to go too but I encouraged him to go because I knew it was too good an opportunity for him to miss it. I knew I was going to struggle with anxiety with him going away but also want him to be able to live his life. He knows about my previous experience with my ex too.

He went away on Wednesday and has apparently had a nightmare with his phone not sending texts etc or even letting him use data so his contact has been sketchy but very sweet and affectionate when he has got in contact. I was coping fine with only hearing from him occasionally, until now....

The last contact I had with him was on Saturday. We chatted for over an hour. He was saying how much he missed me and was making future plans with me. He asked if he could get dropped off at my house when they come back on Saturday and stay with me for a few days and I said yes (but didn't give him my address at that point). He then said his phone battery was only at 2% so he had to go but we'd chat soon.

Later that night I sent him a flirty text wanting to surprise him when he managed to check his messages again.

However nearly 3 days later there's been no contact from him. He's not been online or on facebook at all that I can tell (I can see his last online statuses) and my message still hasn't been delivered to his phone. His relationship status on Facebook still says in a relationship. I was making up all these excuses in my head for why he's not been in touch, like maybe he was having issues charging his phone at the campsite etc.

Then one of the people he's gone away with started a public photo album of their trip. I was relieved as they posted a few pictures of my boyfriend so at least I knew he was ok.

Then this morning one of the girls in the group posted a picture of him standing with her directing an electric fan at him and him smiling at her. A proper electric fan with a cord so he clearly does have access to electricity and could most likely charge his phone.

I've just been left feeling like shit and now have no idea how to handle the situation. I'm so tempted to post a comment on the photo saying something like "nice to see you're still alive" or something like that because I feel so frustrated and angry but deep down I know that will probably just aggravate the situation and make me feel worse. I don't want to be a possessive, horrible girlfriend and I don't expect him to be in touch all the time but do feel hurt that he's not been in touch in so long especially as he knows how my ex made me feel.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, just wait for him to get in touch I guess. Or maybe I should just bite the bullet and post on the photo because then at least he might give me some closure sooner. I have no idea where I stand anymore or if I'm still going to see him on Saturday. Just so confused.

OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 30/07/2019 10:22

You need to back off and stop being so invested in him. You've only known him a few weeks and he sounds much more casual about the relationship. Forget him for now and enjoy your own life. Being a nice guy doesn't mean he is the love of your life.

saraclara · 30/07/2019 10:26

I've had any number of problems using my phone abroad. Getting it charged wasn't a problem. But accessing data certainly has been. As has accessing any wifi. And when I've tried to get in touch with my provider at home, that's proved difficult too.

Chill.

mummmy2017 · 30/07/2019 10:26

You know he is alive, so focus on that.
Count the days off till he comes home.

TheDogIsMyFave · 30/07/2019 10:27

How old are you OP, 15?! Chill out a bit - you've been together a month and not everyone is glued to their phone on holiday (unless he is 15 aswell)

Vesperia · 30/07/2019 10:29

you said yourself he's been having trouble with his phone not sending & receiving text messages & data allowance trouble so leave the poor man to enjoy his holiday

You do sound a little needy, why encourage him to go if you can't cope with him gone?

quirkycutekitch · 30/07/2019 10:32

You need to give him space to enjoy himself - as others have said he has made plans to stay with you when he gets back so look forward to that & catching up about the trip then x

Satsuma1234 · 30/07/2019 10:38

You’ve been hurt before. I get that.

You’ve known this guy 4 weeks. Give him space, get on with your week and see what happens. I’m not saying he isn’t committed (I lived with DH after a month 18 years ago) but you need to back off. Stop panicking as if he gets wind of that he’d likely run a mile.

Apolloanddaphne · 30/07/2019 10:38

I rather suspect he is having phone troubles and can't get in contact with you. Try to put it out of your mind and keep busy until Saturday. Then see how it pans out.

Limpshade · 30/07/2019 10:39

You've been together 4 weeks.

He spoke to you on the phone for an hour just a few days ago while on holiday.

You need to calm down.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 30/07/2019 10:40

Get a copy of The Rules. Yes it’s American and possibly sexist. But the premise is ideal for vulnerable women who are anxious about relationships.
It’s very much about getting on with your life and not putting everything onto one person - basically be less needy and the right man will come to you.

www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Book-Rules-capturing-Capturing-ebook/dp/B00BS06SQ6?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

notacooldad · 30/07/2019 10:41

What is the rest rest if your life like? Do you have a good social circle? An interesting job?, interests and things you like to do?
These things should keep you occupied and busy. You shouldn't be stressing over no contact for two full days!

notacooldad · 30/07/2019 10:43

Sorry for typo!

AE18 · 30/07/2019 10:44

He said he was having problems with his phone so I think it's more than likely that his messages aren't sending or he's not receiving yours, regardless of whether he's charged his phone. He sounds perfectly keen and has given you no reason to think he isn't, he's just busy and his phone isn't working very well. Just wait until he gets back, chances are everything is probably fine.

cuppycakey · 30/07/2019 10:44

I knew I was going to struggle with anxiety with him going away but also want him to be able to live his life

What do you mean by this? You have been dating this bloke for four weeks. Can you see how over the top you are?

I think you need to go back and seek more therapy/counselling before embarking on another relationship.

SouthernComforts · 30/07/2019 10:47

Only dating for a month and he doesn't even have your address?? Christt you are needy. It doesn't sound like you should be dating anyone in your current frame of mind. Are you still in therapy?

ohcanada · 30/07/2019 10:49

You really need to chill.

Read this back *He went away on Wednesday and has apparently had a nightmare with his phone not sending texts etc or even letting him use data so his contact has been sketchy but very sweet and affectionate when he has got in contact. I was coping fine with only hearing from him occasionally, until now....

The last contact I had with him was on Saturday. We chatted for over an hour. He was saying how much he missed me and was making future plans with me*

Now let him enjoy his trip! It's all fine!

Nothing attractive about a stage 3 clinger. Be a confident person with your own life and own things to get on with (or at least pretend to be!)

sneakypinky · 30/07/2019 10:49

OP. You've been together 1 month. He's on holiday. It's only been 3 days. Let the poor sod enjoy his holiday.

Get some counselling before you self-sabotage this relationship.

Fonduefrolics · 30/07/2019 10:54

I get you @Indianajonesy66. I’d struggle to not be the same. But this is anxiety that’s giving you the reaction and you are overthinking and overreacting.

Please don’t leave a message on the photo. It will relieve a little bit of your anxiety but it’ll make things worse. It’s passive aggressive and showing your insecurities.

He’s said he’s keen, presumably he knows your keen, he’s mentioned phone issues and he’s not been online. Distract yourself, log out of social media and leave him to enjoy his holiday.

You need to work on it (it’s not easy when you have trust issues and relationship anxiety) but ride through these feelings and you’ll be in a much better place.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2019 10:55

OP, I'm sorry you're feeling this way but you're going to have to go against those feelings and not act on them because they're unreasonable.

Nobody here can give you reassurance because we're not 'him'. You want reassurance from your boyfriend and only him.

Just calm yourself and find things to do. Saturday isn't a long way away, it's Tuesday now. Don't you have friends? Work? Other distractions? What can you do by yourself that you'd enjoy doing?

A gentle reality check... this relationship is only one month in, you're still getting to know each other. Don't put yourself through such anguish because it's not good for you and it's completely unnecessary (and very unattractive). It's good that you're posting here and not on his FB. Stay well away from that and just be pleased to see him on Saturday. Be aloof-ly friendly. :)

SparklyMagpie · 30/07/2019 10:55

I'm sorry but if I was in his position having a great time on holiday and I'd read a comment like that, that would be it for me...especially after only 4 weeks.

Give the guy a break

You have told him all your anxieties etc and tbh that would also be too much for me too soon

I don't think you sound ready at all for this.

BusyEvenForBee · 30/07/2019 10:56

Do not do anything, chill. Let him get in touch and play it cool. Sometimes less is more. He is enjoying his holiday and you do not want to seem clingy especially if relationship is new. Maybe post some of your own pictures showing that you are enjoying life and not sitting at home checking his status.

happybunny007 · 30/07/2019 10:56

I knew I was going to struggle with anxiety with him going away

This is not normal, I don’t think you sound ready for a relationship.

TwistyTop · 30/07/2019 10:58

Usually when I go on holiday I have no data. I'm the idiot who buys the wrong data package or can't figure out what settings you need to get data working without massive charges. So when I go abroad I only get internet access when there's wifi. It isn't always easy to get decent wifi, depending on where you are. Also signal can be an issue and if he's with a big group he won't want I dictate to everyone that you have to wander around looking for internet access, they will be doing lots of fun things and not thinking much about that.

I think you need to try and occupy yourself with other things. You've heard from him whilst he's been away and communications were all positive, and you've arranged that he's staying over at yours as soon as he gets home. It all sounds totally fine to me.

It's been a month. He doesn't even know your address yet. Your possessive attitude will kill this relationship if you let it.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 30/07/2019 10:59

Try to get a handle on your anxiety because it will kill a relationship.

This

I have walked away from early stage relationships when the other person has displayed this kind of behaviour. It's a massive red flag and quite frankly life is too short to be having to wade through this nonsense when you should be in your honeymoon period.

Adversecamber22 · 30/07/2019 10:59

I had a clingy BF before DH, he was lovely but I felt suffocated. You are being clingy.

The only time in 20 years DH has hacked me off contact wise and he travels abroad with work a lot was when he buggered off in to the Malaysian jungle as he had the opportunity on a work trip so was genuinely out of contact. It was also at the time some people were being kidnapped and held to ransom in that area.

Please get a lot more help with your issues, I don’t think your ready to date at all.