Wtf is going on with dh

[holidayharpie]

I'm currently on holiday. DH has been suffering depression for years and done nothing to help himself despite significant support. I work very long hours and in the run up to the holiday I've been working very long hours for a few months. DC 14 and 16 have been complaining about his behaviour and I have found him difficult. This holiday his behaviour has become bizarre. He's been NC with his parents for 20 years and many of his behaviours are identical to his dads. Examples

1. unable to take any criticism or perceived criticism. This may include a look from dd14 if he flicks sand on her etc, not actually criticism. He flies of the handle, shouting, accusations, storming off.
2. constant threats of leaving the place we are at, the holiday and me.
3. his mouth is constantly hanging open, all day and all night, he didn't do this before.
4. biting his nails, his fingers and scratching his nostrils
5. eating everything, all the food to share, all the snacks etc. Literally stuffing handfuls of crisps etc into iOS mouth. He's always been v slim and was a fitness model, he's looking v out of shape. (I am concerned about him not what he looks like)
6. greedy odd behaviour, ordering 3 courses when everyone's having a snack etc. It doesn't bother me for the money or food, but it's very different to his usual self.
7. sleeping 10+ hours a night and snoring, can't wake up, foul tempered when he wakes up.

What's happening to him? We're all on egg shells in case he has a massive tantrum.
This morning dd wanted a pastry, I said 'oh sorry i think your dad just had the last one' and he went berserk, calling me a liar, saying I was turning everyone against him etc. This was on the veranda of the hotel with other guests around.
It's so hard to manage his moods.
Any ideas?

heroin would make his eyes not dillate-// they do that tiny thing. and his appetite probli wouldnt change that much this far in.....and hed get cramps n shits after a couple of days....(of none)
are you and kids safe?like all the time
whats your options on remedying that right now?
once home..theres more you can do eh.can you call his doctor-they wont tell you what gave him,but will know if hes experiencing adverse effects and advise from that point.do NOT hold back on how bad it is. tell them you genuinely are concerned and need help.add its on mumsnet.nobody wants to be the gp in that paper.

I keep thinking of things!

Can you search his luggage and try to find his 'new' tablets so you'll know what (or if) he's taking? Although my bet is that he's stopped taking his meds.

Has he been drinking alcohol at all?

I also believe it is possibly a psychotic episode. Either his medication is not helping, or he is not taking his medication. I have been through this with a close relative. Psychiatric treatment is definitely needed.
I think 'Earlymodernparent' has made some good suggestions.

If anything at all - just get the kids in another hotel room!

He sounds paranoid and I can't see this night ending peacefully!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now but contact the manager of the hotel and inform them of what's happening.

You need help with this situation. Just stay safe and get the kids out!

I'd also want a full health check up for him. A young lady I know was diagnosed with BPD, she suffered terribly from childhood up to adulthood resulting in her child being put into care. It was only when she collapsed she was diagnosed with a slow growing brain tumour that she'd been born with (( she's now terminal )) whatever it is he can't just be left. For anyone's sake.

I hope you are safe op, and finding ways to be strong for this. It must be terrifying.

He does need help and as soon as you can mange that. I do wonder if he's on something he shouldnt be or legally prescribed on something else and that may be something normally innocent but added to the other drugs he taking can be what they call contraindication espically if as you say this has come on over a short space of time.

See if either the local hotel manger or the british high comission or consultae embassy etc can suggest or mamage to get him to see a doctor.

Sadley they may have to section him for his own good and yours and the children.

So sorry to hear that the holliday isnt going as you hoped.

Please stay strong. Thank you!

He sounds terrible!
I can't believe you actually took him with you, knowing he was getting worse.

It may be medical, it may be drug induced, he might just be an almighty cunt who is bent on ruining your big event, who knows.

But I would enlist the help of the hotel, see if there's a local doctor who could help; try and find what meds he's on now (if he's actually taking them) and other than that, just try to stay out of his way as much as possible.

I'm so sorry - your 40th birthday event sounds like it should have been wonderful and he's trashing it for you. Get through this, get home, then divorce him if he doesn't sort it out.

Oh gosh. Whether it's abuse or a psychotic episode doesn't change how tough this is or how unsafe you feel. I'm so sorry .

Ignore if this is terrible advice, but could you and the kids sneak out while he's in a deep sleep and check into another hotel for the rest of the trip. Then inform the embassy/hotel/travel insurance etc that you feel he is acutely unwell and needs assistance.

Did not want to read & run Holidayharpie but I wish I had some practical advice. I think it’s possible this has been happening for a while and you may not have noticed with working so hard in the run up to the holiday. It does sound strange and it does sound as if you need to talk to someone when you get back about getting a clearer diagnosis. What about your holiday insurance - What medical help does that cover? Is there a tour organiser you could talk to discreetly?

I really hope you get to see your once in a lifetime event and that things improve

would be sensible to stay with other people as much as possible as this may mean he tries to behave in slightly more socially acceptable way.

Mary your comment is completely unhelpful. People can absolutely be depressed for 20 years but that’s irrelevant.

He sounds potentially dangerous and I agree with others who say it might be a psychotic episode although I’m not a doctor. If I were you I’d inform the hotel, get out of the room with the kids and see if any medical help is available locally as a first step

Are you taking malaria tablets?

Certain anti-malarials can cause psychotic behaviour.

Larium made me properly unwell mentally, from great MH.

That is a very good point - Lariam is well known for causing potential psychosis as a side-effect.

Pernicious Anaemia can do this, I'd get his B12 tested, it can badly affect MH in some people & tge exhaustion guts too

It might even explain the sinuses too if his B12 deficiency is caused by Heliobacter Pylori infection & causes reflux/gastritis which can mean the reflux leaks into sinuses with you sleep.

Some medications can cause it too.

Info here... www.b12deficiency.info/signs-and-symptoms/

"That is a very good point - Lariam is well known for causing potential psychosis as a side-effect."
Totally agree, it took my husband (didn't know him at the time) YEARS to get over being poisoned by Lariam! Dreadful stuff and should be banned!

You could also try calling the help line on your travel insurance policy. They are a call centre, open 24/7 and will be able to advise of local facilities that can help. They will have dealt with this sort of situation before and will assist with getting you medical assistance and flights home if needed.

And also who ever suggested to film him was being a bit silly, never film someone abusive and show them, for Christ's sake that's like a red rag to a bull! Even a person of sane mind would feel violated!

Generally psychiatric conditions are not covered by travel insurance especially as he has an existing condition.
I realise he is very unwell but I’m just flagging it as you don’t want to be caught out paying for a medical escort to the UK.
Hope you can keep things calm and at least you and the children make your special event.

Medication change is the most likely culprit. The longer he takes it the worse it may get. But it would probably be bad to just stop taking it.

Can you contact the pharmacy to find out what he's taking? And call his doctor. In the US, if patient confidentiality is an issue, someone can call or write a anonymously to voice concerns, which are followed up by the doctor.

I can tell you from experience (DH) that medication can make profound changes to a person's physical and mental health. When I read the opening post it felt like deja vu, as if it were 2011 and it was happening to us again.

While he sounds unwell, he also sounds deeply unpleasant and not a very nice man overall. It sounds like you've put up with a lot over the years. Someone being ill doesn't mean you need to live your life being abused or miserable.

I immediately thought he is taking something/not taking something.
So, unprescribed drugs/incorrect dose of prescribed drugs or similar.
You can buy absolutely anything off the internet these days.

dodgeballchamp is spot on with the advice. You need to keep yourself and your DC safe.

Space mental illness is never attractive.